When The Right Decision Makes You Sad

by | Dec 20, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care, Truth-Telling

Today Carol Burris shares her journey on how she has learned to take time and enjoy this season, without being overwhelmed with your to-do list. 

As I took my predawn walk this morning, it started to flurry. Single, widely spaced snowflakes danced and sparkled in the street lights and I though of the joy and excitement of my granddaughters when the snow starts to fly. Which reminded me that once again I wasn’t there with them to share and bask in their delight. Which led my thought to Christmas, another moment I would miss. Most of the time I’m okay with the distance between us. After all, a few years ago when my husband retired, we cut that distance by more than half. When our children were growing up we lived much further away from their grandparents and only had “bigger than nuclear family” Thanksgivings and/or Christmases a handful of times. So this is my family’s normal, right? Between the distance, the uncertainty of winter weather and overbooked holiday travel times, we have chosen to play it safe and stay home. It’s an expensive time to travel and not something in either of our budgets. To say nothing of the logistics involved – our two elderly dogs who can’t be boarded, a husband who doesn’t like to leave the house empty especially in the winter, their four girls, two cats, three piglets and 25 – I think – ducks. No easy answers here. For us, it is the right decision. But this morning, just for a little while, I found myself longing for the situation to be different. I know I have thought about it more in the last several years because of the community in which I live. Here, high school homecoming is a Big Deal and is more for the alumni than for the current students. People grow up here and, if they leave, they eventually come back. At my church, there are two, three and even four generations of families sitting together in the pews every week. My little nuclear family feels so small sometimes. A week or so has passed since I began this piece. Thanksgiving has come and gone, along with two ER visits (one with my son and one following a fall for me) and Christmas is staring me in the face. But at least at this moment, I am at peace with having only phone or Skype calls with the girls on Christmas. Each family is different. Sometimes each year is different. But all of those different choices are valid as long as they work for (most of) the people involved. Nothing ever says this is how it must always be. I hope you take time and enjoy this season, without being overwhelmed with your to-do list. I hope you find the right way to celebrate with your family that works for you.

Carol Burris is a wife, mother, grandmother, reader, quilter, knitter, breast cancer survivor, and volunteer. She unschooled two children and continues to unschool herself. She’s managing an impossible schedule with only the shopping almost done and nothing else prepared for Christmas!

 

Kim Calichio, owner of The Connected Chef, releases a new blog series!

by | Dec 13, 2018 | Cooking, Parenting

Kim Calichio, owner of The Connected Chef is offering a new blog series where each month she will dive into a new technique of cooking. By the end of the series you will have the knowledge and confidence to begin to cook with your senses and without a recipe.

We want to tell you a little bit about a new blog series that we’re going to start here at the Connected Chef. Click here to watch the video! 


We have started a really wonderful way to run classes where we don’t just follow recipes – we are learning to cook with our senses. 

What does that mean? It means at the end of the day you’re able to use your intuition and senses to cook a delicious meal without a recipe. 
 
You need to know methods and techniques of cooking. That is what we teach in our classes! Cooking with your senses helps you understand why certain things happen and don’t happen. 

You will have the skills you need to troubleshoot. 

You will be able to easily cook within your budget. 

You will know how to cook with low cost, seasonal ingredients. 

Your meal planning will be easier. Your food shopping will go smoother. 

Our new blog series is going to help give you the tools you need to do these things! Everyone needs to know this information – and that is why every month we’ll be rolling out a new technique or method. Searing, braising…you will finally know and understand all of the methods you need to cook with your senses! 

I’m so exited to be sharing this opportunity with you!
The Connected Chef works with families to use food as a way to connect with one another. Our children’s gardening and cooking classes and individual family programs both allow us to work with clients to problem solve the struggles of parenthood and food. The results: Kids who feel empowered to make independent & healthy food choices and develop a natural respect for their environment and community; Parents who are able to take a breath and connect with their kids instead of engaging in the ever-present struggle of mealtime. Join our community and stay connected by following us on Facebook and Instagram.

Do You Talk to Your Partner Enough?

by | Dec 11, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Do you feel like you talk to your partner enough? 

I know from experience that when I don’t make time for my relationship with my hubby, everything goes to shit.  Literally and figuratively. 

I am not about to tell you what is going to work for you and your partner.  But I know from experience that when I don’t make time for my relationship with my hubby, everything goes to shit.  Literally and Figuratively.

And it can be so easy to just let things slide.  To not take turns sharing how your day went, to letting the kids needs and schedules come before your own.  To not go out on a date or ask for what you need or turn the TV off with enough time to spare to actually say hi to this person who is on this journey with you.

I have felt just as selfish asking for  time and money to go on a date with my spouse as I have felt about spending time and money on myself.  If you have signed up for my newsletter than you have read some of the creative ways my hubby and I have come up with to go on “dates” without actually having to leave our kids or get a babysitter.

Lately reading aloud a shared book at night has created a good connection between the two of us and is a great way to wind down and get ready to sleep.

But it is not easy.  It is not easy to keep showing up with our vulnerable heart in our hands and share.

Esther Perel has helped.  Brene Brown has helped more than she can imagine.  Friends have helped by watching our kids and letting us sneak away or being a safe ear when we have needed to work things out.

We had a wonderful marriage counselor in a time of crisis.  We have kept our parents out of our relationship by and large because that has worked for us.  We regularly make time to be just us.

But it is hard.  Sometimes I don’t want to have another uncomfortable conversation.  I don’t want to have to share how I am feeling, I just want to be pissed off, mad, etc.  I certainly don’t always want to be the first to apologize.

But I do.  We both do.  Because at the end of the day the kids will all have left home and it will just be us.  As we tell our daughters all the time about their relationships with each other, at the end of the day it will just be them and it will just be us and you have to make sure those relationships stay strong.  

Is this something we always have worked out?  Hell No. It’s like parenting, just when we think we have it figured out the rules change.  The situation change, we change. But would I want to take this ride with anyone else?

No.  Which is why my relationship with my partner comes first.  Right after my relationship with myself and right before my relationship with all of my girls.  

Do you feel like you talk to your partner enough?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Intentional Holidays

by | Dec 4, 2018 | Parenting

How can you take the stress out of the holiday season?

It’s that time of year again. When our kids go slightly crazy in anticipation of the big day, of getting presents galore, of time off from school of spending time with you. Doing all the holiday things, and whatever that means to your family, whether it be parties, decorating trees, caroling, watching football games, whatever the holiday season means to you and yours.

But it also feels like a super easy recipe for disaster with sugar at every corner and therefore the temptation to overindulge, both for us and our cute little kids that then suddenly turn into brats. It is a bit like the holiday parade I was part of this year as a Girl Scout leader. Almost all of my troop was there, a total of 7 girls only two of which were mine. We were all riding on a float that they had helped decorated with 37 other girls from other troops in the area. What made it a leader’s nightmare was the pick up as in this particular parade it just stops on Main Street and the parents all come to the float and want to take their kids, and as you can image 44 girls getting picked up at once on a multi-sided float can make leaders who need to see parents eyeballs super antsy.

It worked out well this year as there was a single exit from the float and I had prepped all the parents and the girls that I had to see their eyeballs before they could walk away with their girls. And as near as I could tell all the other leaders had similar experiences with their parents. Because we prepared them and the girls ahead of time for what we expected to have happened at the float.

But what about the craziness of the holidays? Can you prepare your family in advance to have a smoother time? Can you prepare self-care for yourself around it so that you can be vigilant (like when there are 44 girls on a float that need to stay seated while you cruise down Main Street) when you need to be but also get some time to relax and enjoy the holidays too?

How can you do this? Well here are some things that I have done in the past and am trying out this year to help navigate through this season of light.

Every year my kids and I sit down and come up with a list of activities we want to do usually from Thanksgiving through Christmas. You can see my post about it last year here. What is great about this is that I get a chance to find out what each of my kids want to do and what is important to them, so if say nobody wants to go see the Nutcracker again (this year) we don’t have to go and do that and instead of time to try some other things, like going to a historical 19th century Christmas celebration, and going to see Christmas in Arendelle that a library we have never been to is hosting. I like to put the list on post-it notes and then we can move them around on the calendar as it works, as sledding in the snow is weather contingent and we have already watched a Christmas movie as a family this year.

So step one is being really conscious of what we say yes to schedule wise. Right now I have all the Saturdays between now and Christmas scheduled with an activity, and we know the approximate date we are going to go and get our Christmas tree. Any additional invites will be filtered through the already busy Saturdays and it can be easier to say no that we already have plans than sometimes just saying no.

But I do try and keep us busy just before Christmas, because that countdown to Christmas morning can be so frenzied and that’s just my 5 and 6 year old. That is the one weekend where we currently have an event on Saturday and a party on Sunday. With Christmas being a Tuesday this year I am hoping my hubby can work from home on Christmas Eve and if the weather is good I can keep the kids outside most of the time.

I also have the ability to take the week before Christmas off, so I am not working after December 14th until the 2nd of January because it’s just too crazy with little ones, and frankly in 5 years they will be old enough that I could work then if I wanted too. I want to enjoy the delight of Christmas while I still can before they are too old to care.

I also try and take care of Christmas cards and the like early. We make a holiday calendar for family and I usually build that on Thanksgiving weekend so that it is ready to be ordered when the sale is good and then they get mailed out as soon as I have them. I often also write the Christmas letter and cards and order the photos around Thanksgiving too. This year for Thanksgiving we were super tired so I didn’t worry about working on that and instead just really focused on rest and relaxation with my family. But I will get the cards out early so that they are done. I totally think my friend that did New Years Cards last year had it great as well she didn’t even try and get them out for Christmas and that took a lot of pressure off.

I have also been working on Christmas gift shopping since probably July. My kids know that they have to me know what they want from Santa by Halloween so the elves have time to make what they want. None of this last minute request stuff. Because I use Swagbucks to pay for a lot of Christmas, not quite everything is in the house yet, but most of is and I know how much is left to order at the beginning of December.

That just leaves some food shopping and maybe a few things for stockings. But I have even already been talking to the family about what we want for Christmas dinner and have gotten a few of the things for the relish tray type idea for lunch already squirreled away in the cupboard. By working ahead I can spread the cost as well as feel less stressed and I can just focus on doing what the kids want to do as we wait for the day.

How are you preparing for the season? Have you thought about what you are going to say to any rude relatives or acquaintances? Have you thought about how much space you really have in your schedule that you can hold social events? Have you gotten the teacher/scout leaders/postal worker gifts sorted or at least have ideas? I like to get my kids involved in the making of those things so we can work on them together and they are also part of the gift giving process.

How can you take the stress out of the holiday season?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.