Cultivating Conversation Through Food

by | Jan 30, 2020 | Parenting

Kim Calichio, owner of The Connected Chef, shares her tips on how to use food to have deeper conversations with your loved ones. 

As with many tough conversations, food makes things a little easier to address. It eases our discomfort and insecurities and it creates a bridge between the now and more broad ideas. Using food to bridge that gap and be the container for some more difficult conversations is a great way to feel more comfortable with being vulnerable and offering a new concept to your children.

Here’s how I create the container for deep connection through food:

Make sure you aren’t already multitasking

This will require all of your attention. That means you should NOT attempt this in the middle of the work/school week when there are a million of other things happening and that need to get done. Be sure your mind is cleared. (I know…that’s WAY easier said than done)

Let go of expectations

The point of this space you’re creating is to CONNECT. Not to make your best dish. That means food is the medium and whatever gets on the plate is a plus. This also means letting go of an expectation that things need to stay neat and clean. Again – the purpose is to focus on the conversation. This can be tricky, so lots of self-reminders will help. 🙂

Have a plan

Having a clear idea of what you want to express and get out of the conversation will free you up to focus on the cooking a bit more. Having a clear idea of the SIMPLE RECIPE you will cook, will allow the food to flow easily and give you the space to talk about the topic you’d like to.
Here are some ways to start talking about food with your kids
Kim Calichio-27
And remember that this can apply to talking with your kids about their school grades, stuff with their friends, something that’s worrying you as their parent or anything in between. It’s also a great way to talk with your partner or a friend/family member about something sticky.
 
  The Connected Chef works with families to use food as a way to connect with one another. Our children’s gardening and cooking classes and individual family programs both allow us to work with clients to problem solve the struggles of parenthood and food. The results: Kids who feel empowered to make independent & healthy food choices and develop a natural respect for their environment and community; Parents who are able to take a breath and connect with their kids instead of engaging in the ever-present struggle of mealtime. Join our community and stay connected by following us on Facebook and Instagram.      

False Starts and Dealing with People’s Expectations

by | Jan 14, 2020 | Parenting

Today as I write this I am 38 weeks pregnant exactly. I always feel at this stage like I am waiting until the end of the story.  I just want to know the ending because it will be a great story. But in the meantime, I just get to turn each boring page as I wait.

Today as I write this I am 38 weeks pregnant exactly.  And I have already had the midwives to my house twice, thinking this little soul was going to make her appearance earth side.

I am not someone quick to cry wolf.  I have been in labor 4 times before so I do know what it feels like and my body has done it before.  And both of these occasions were organized.

I wasn’t just having random contractions.  They were coming less than 5 minutes apart and were increasing in intensity.  My main midwife is an hour and 15 minutes away from my house. Back up midwives are just under a half-hour away and my friend the RN who caught my last baby with my husband is about 20 minutes away.  So some of this is trying to predict and have midwives here in time to actually catch the baby because my hubby really doesn’t want to be the one who catches her.

My first session of early labor (I hate the concept of false labor because even if it doesn’t result in the baby yet, it is still hard work and changes are still happening down there) was on New Year’s Day when this small one was just a day shy of 37 weeks.

We didn’t even have any clean newborn clothes because we had been having washer issues and I was waiting until we could have a hot water wash for her clothes.  Needless to say, we started a load of baby clothes washing that morning when the contractions picked up. I ended up puking a lot and that eventually stopped the contractions after like six hours or something.  The midwives decided I had probably picked up a short tummy flu going around and that all the puking had triggered the contractions in the first place.  

I was so miserable though.  I had pulled a muscle in my side from all the puking and had to use a heating pad for hours to get it to feel better.  I had felt like I had been sitting on my baby’s head all the day before and could not find a comfortable position. So while everyone else was making New Year’s plans and how 2020 was going to be different, I was contracting, puking or stuck in bed in pain trying to sleep.  Which wasn’t exactly how I was hoping to start the New Year, but honestly it’s just another day.

5 days later on a Sunday, the small one started having more than Braxton Hicks contractions again.  Especially if I was moving around. They started around 11:30 but we had friends coming over so I pretty much ignored them (because if you can ignore the contractions than the baby isn’t imminent in my experience).  However, after our friends left and I was walking around the contractions picked up and got as close to 2-3 minutes apart. Sitting down and holding still wasn’t comfortable and I did a lot of walking and then later having wide leg standing in my bedroom because the contractions had gotten intense enough that I could no longer walk and sometimes talk through them.  The midwife came again but after a couple of hours, the contractions backed off again and went to bed.

This is hubby’s first full week back at work since the holidays and it is weird having him 40 minutes away.  Baby continues to often give me Braxton Hicks when I am walking around the house, and it took about three days for my calves not to hurt every time I used them thanks to my activities Sunday night.

My almost 8-year-old is having trouble waiting for her sister to come.  She really wants to meet her and I tried to have a conversation with her yesterday about not asking me every two hours if the baby is on her way yet.  I know how hard it is to wait, I am waiting too. It’s like Christmas when you don’t know when that date will be and each day gets you closer but you don’t know where the finish line is either.

I didn’t expect to be here this soon.  My last three girls have come after their calendar due date, my third was 12 days after and my 4th was five.  So I am not expecting this one to be early. Having all these practice sessions are annoying. And exhausting, and silly me, I thought I would still have a little more energy while I am waiting for her to make up her mind.  

Just about everything is ready.  My girlfriends came over yesterday and helped me tidy up the baby stuff and get it all organized and ready for her.  Most of the laundry has happened and it’s just diapers that need to get washed and the cover over her car seat. I am so very tired though.  Some nights I get decent sleep and then I go for days with so much broken sleep that each day feels like a year because it is so broken up. Hubby has a colleague at work that asks him every day “What no baby yet?” even though I am not even at my due date yet.  I try to post something on Instagram every day so people know she’s not here yet, but some days I am too tired even for that.

I don’t choose the day my baby comes.  She gets to decide. It will be sometime in the next month.  It might be today, this week, next weekend. Who knows. I really hope the next time she gives me organized contractions she is ready to come out and meet the world.  We are certainly ready to meet her and her sisters are so excited to see who she is. I am excited to get past labor and move on to recovery. Right now so much of life seems to be on hold with bated breath.  Not that the world situation is helping with that feeling either. Hopefully, we will be welcoming her earthside soon. In the meantime, I am reading, crafting when I can, hanging with my girls and just trying to get through each day the best I can.  

I always feel at this stage like I am waiting until the end of the story.  I just want to know the ending because it will be a great story. But in the meantime, I just get to turn each boring page as I wait.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
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