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Here at Mommy Rebellion we believe that all mothering voices are important and we will continue to amplify all kinds of voices.  I am committed to the practice of Anti-Racism (it is not just a book you read and check off, it is an ongoing, lifelong process) and raising anti-racist children so to stay accountable and to share I will be posting monthly on my observations, learnings and new resources I have been discovering.

Last month I posted the beginnings of some resources I have found useful and I have created an Anti Racism Resource page here on Mommy Rebellion that I will continue to update as I find more resources, both as a white person who is learning and as a parent who is teaching my daughters.  I hope you will check back regularly to see how it has been updated, I will be pointing it out to you when I update my blog post.  I will also have a section for business owners, as I find resources and navigate making sure that my businesses work with BIPOC as I continue to grow.

So beyond checking out my new resources page which has had resources added to it, I have also joined a local Anti-Racism book club that is meeting virtually (which is actually easier for me these days especially with a nursing infant, even without being in a pandemic) for three weeks and then taking a week off.  The nice bit is you can go in and out as you need too, it is a safe place for white tears, and it is nice to be part of a community of other people committed to this group.  Our facilitator has training in this work and was nice enough to give us an idea of what is coming up so I already ordered our next book from Elizabeth of Akron;’s bookstore as I do not have any BIPOC book stores in my area. (We are doing Whistling Vivaldi next, which looks like the kind of book I will love to geek out about.)  I also enjoy knowing what is coming so I can plan my time accordingly as these books are not something I want to breeze through.

My almost 12 year old daughter has been asking all the heavy questions about why racism is, why white people think they are better than black people, so we are having lots of conversations.  Sometimes I am at a loss of how to answer her (especially if we are driving in the car when the conversation happens) but I am honest when I don’t know the answers and I always tell her to keep asking the questions, even if we may have to go and research it to find the answers.  These are good questions.

My 6 year old is just in the identification part.  Pointing out people of color and confirming if she got the color/race correct.  She doesn’t seem too fussed if it is someone who is Black or another race, she just wants to know.

We all rewatched Zootopia last night and I haven’t seen it in years.  I remembered that someone referenced it as a good starting place movie to talk about race so I watched it with new eyes this time around.  It was interesting seeing how the bunny was treated becoming a police bunny as well as of course the whole predator/prey issue.  I also thought the scene where the sheep was looking up something and the fox was petting her wool without asking was particularly poignant after having just listened to the hair section of So You Want to Talk About Race earlier that day.

This is an ongoing process.   I am working to make sure the toys and books we add to our lives for my 5 month old (wait — she’s that old already?) are representative of more than just the white default.  I am enjoying that our local library’s online summer reading program this year includes a woke reading challenge and it is about reading books from a lot of different perspectives, including, black, asian, hispanic, LGBTQ+ and more.  It is a nice way to keep track and make sure that all five of my girls are getting exposed to many different cultures.  I made dal for dinner last night and that allowed my hubby to talk about his trip to India last year and the other foods usually served with dal.

How are you dealing with this work?  Is it new to you and you are just starting to navigate it all, or is it something you have been working on for years?  What resources do you wish were available and please feel free to share any I haven’t found yet!

Like many white people I paused my content last week in solidarity to all the BIPOC people who often have their voices silenced by our system. Before this blog goes back to it’s regularly scheduled posting I wanted to take a few moments to talk about action.

I believe that Black Lives Matter. I believe that all voices, but especially minority voices should be heard.  I believe in truth telling.  This is part of the mission of Mommy Rebellion.

However I was born a white cis hetorsexual female.  My experience is shaped by these factors as well as the fact that I have been married for almost 18 years.  These are just part of the privileges that affect my day to day life.  I can not speak to another’s experience of motherhood that may be different than mine.  But I can provide a place for other mothers (and parents really) to share their stories and advice, regardless of the body they are in.

I know I have more learning to do.  I thought I would share some of the resources I have been using and have found helpful while navigating the conversations around race and intersectionality that are happening right now.  This is an ongoing process and not something I assume will ever be finished.  

I am dedicated to continuing my learning and passing my learnings and understanding to my children.  

I am dedicated to listening.  As a postpartum mother during a pandemic listening is all I can do some days.  It may not be enough, but I hope it is better than doing nothing.

As I write this I see that I am using the “I” word way too many times.  So here are the resources I have found helpful while navigating this.

Books:

• Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper
• Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Renni Eddo-Lodge
• So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
• A Mighty Girl has many resources here’s one on Broadening The Story 60 Picture Books Starring Black Mighty Girls
• Listens for Raising an Anti-Racist 
• An Antiracism Listening List
• Victoria Alexander Book List for Black Allies

Articles and Other Sources:

• 75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice
• Scaffolded Anti-Racism Resources
• Justice in June  (time based resources what to do if you only have 10 minutes, 25 or 45 minutes a day set up in a monthly schedule etc.)
• 15 Kid-Friendly Movies to Help Build a Conversation About Race and Racism

If you have any other resources please share them in the comments below.

I have wanted to write so often in the past few months.  First to tell my daughters birth story (which as I write this still hasn’t been written yet) and then to talk about all the stuff, all the shit that has happened in the world since she was born in early February.  So much heavy stuff.

Right now my 12 week old daughter is lying on the loveseat next to me, kicking my side with her little feet and looking out the window at the American Flag waving in the breeze.  She periodically uses her lunges to try out new sounds, and she tends to make really loud sounds rather than quiet babbles.  She is probably trying to get her dad’s attention.  This is the start of the second week of him working from home after having 6 weeks of paternity leave that just happened to coincide with quarantine. She is not used to him being home but unavailable for burping and cuddling.  She is not impressed with this state of affairs at all.

So much of this Spring has not gone as was originally planned.  And I didn’t have big massive plans either, because hello, I knew I was going to have a newborn.  And as much as every mom gets a sense of their child while they are still inside, even the fifth time around I couldn’t predict what kind of newborn personality we were going to get.  Especially since newborn personality is not the same as your toddler but often they are similar to the 5 year old you get later on.  But I digress.

We had planned to be able to get together with friends, just some cozy family visits with one or another family at a time.  I had thought I might be able to go on coffee girlfriend dates with our little one to get a break from all my other kids.  We snuck one in the first weekend in March before everything started, but that was it, and I had my hubby with me for that one as well.  

I miss shopping.  I don’t like grocery shopping, I really feel like it’s an annoying waste of time most of the time, but since quarantine, I miss how easy it used to be.  I haven’t been in a store in a long time because the small one needs me so my hubby has been making the shopping trips.  Small one and I have been going on the car ride (it is literally the only alone time hubby and I get because the kids are always here now and we need to sleep at night) but I don’t actually go in.  And even if I did I would have to wear a mask and deal with one way aisles in the store and not being able to go back in case I forgot something.  I miss the anonymity of shopping before and being able to get in and get out quickly.  Of not having to decide if something is essential or not, especially when it comes to runs to the hardware store.

Of course there are silver linings.  All of our meetings are now online and my weekly out late night for kids activities no longer happens.  I love the free plays and musicals currently offered online, as they give a nice schedule and something to look forward to on the weekends.  But I am tired of trying to catch up on all the other “educational” things we could be doing.  I mean this was going to be a tiring time to begin with.  I knew that.  I just thought I would be able to physically lean on my friends.  

And share my newborn with my close friends.  I take regular photos and videos which you can find on my instagram page as much for us as for my friends so they can get snippets of what our life is like with this precious one.  Because even when they get to see her through a car window or socially distanced or on a zoom meeting, it is not the same as getting to squish her or smell her newborn head.  

I am grateful that she is not my first born.  That I do not have as much need for mother meetings and LLL meetings and just being connected with other moms with small people.  That was so important and helpful for my other fourth trimesters.  But it’s not possible this time around and she has been a pretty healthy little girl who sleeps most nights so I am not constantly sleep deprived.  

But I don’t get much of anything done.  I function on the one or two things that need to get done each day.  Sometimes those are helping my older girls get through their Girl Scout homework (my 13 year old is doing her Silver Award project while having to do social distancing, which puts a new level of complexity on the project), or cook dinner.  I get excited when I can steal a few minutes to read a book, or listen to an audio book.  A lot of my audiobook time is now spent listening to TWiV (This Week in Virology) keeping up to date on the actual science of what is going on and how to protect my family.  Some days I get to knit or work on my latest quilting project.  Or make a new soap dish with our 3D printer.

But mainly I am holding my youngest and parenting my other kids and just trying to make it through the day.  I will never be able to untangle how much of my life is having a newborn at 40 and how much is also being quarantined in 2020.  

Read more HONEST parenting stories in my Mommy Rebellion Book!