Two Things I’m Giving Moms Permission to Do

I often hear mom’s saying that they feel overwhelmed. That there is not enough time in the day. That their house is a mess. That they don’t have time to cook healthy meals.

All human beings have a basic need for attention and power. Once our needs for food, shelter, love and safely are met, these are the next things we are concerned with. This is based on Adlerian psychology.

Have you ever felt like your needs don’t matter as mom? Like you are worrying about everyone else except yourself? Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s normal. I’m also here to tell you that it is possible to take back some control over your life with 2 basic, but not easy, skills. When you take back control of your day to day activities, you increase your personal power and THAT can feel very liberating.

• The art of the NO

Why is NO such a loaded word? For me, I am a recovering people pleaser. I want to be seen as agreeable. If I really drill down, I think this stems from being an overweight pre-teen and just wanting to be the “nice” girl. I didn’t want any undue, negative attention, so I stayed quiet and agreeable. As I have matured and my self-confidence has improved I have come to recognize that this is not serving me.

Maybe you have a little people pleaser inside of you? How is that working for you? It can create overwhelm and unbalance. It can also create resentment.

• Also the Art of the ASK

Asking for help. My gosh, is this difficult! When it comes to my family, I am full of pride and a bit of control freak. I recently took a parenting personality assessment that proved this. My sister and I are working through a program called Positive Parenting Solutions (more about this amazing program another day because that’s a blog post on its own). This program highlights the fact that any discipline issues you may be experiencing with your kids have two sides. You, as the parent, are 50% of the issue!

Argh! Did this hit home! I kind of already knew this but when I took the parenting personality assessment my results were staggering. I am a triple threat. I had a 3-way tie between controlling, people pleasing and superiority complex. My poor kids!

My point here is that I am a controlling parent who thinks she does things better than anyone else. Sorry! (Not sorry) This makes it challenging to ask for help. To admit that I want to do something but will need the grandparents to come and help watch the kids is hard. 

Even harder, is asking friends for help. For some reason, this takes a certain amount of vulnerability. I have gotten better at this in the past year, now that my youngest is over 2 and I’m not nursing, but trust me, it is still challenging. 

As a coach who works with ambitious and heart-centered moms, I see this internal struggle all the time between wanting to succeed in your career or business BUT also deeply desiring to be a connected parent. Finding that balance between both can be challenging. I call it the elusive quest for balance.

Together we work on developing a definition of what “success” means to you. Success means different things to different women.  Then we work on ways that you can be more successful by your own definition. Sometimes it is a mindset, illuminating your worth and uncovering your confidence. Other times, it is peeling back the layers of unrealistic expectations you have put on yourself or that you have unconsciously picked up from society. Either way, what happens is a blossoming. You take back control of your life and you step into your power as a woman and a mother. It’s a beautiful thing.

To help you take that first step in your journey, I’ve created a free online quiz for mamas. This quiz highlights what a piece of your self you may be missing. Finding ways to express that part of yourself can bring you back to who you are and what you really need to feel whole. Find the quiz HERE.