I do not normally get on social media bandwagons. I tend to be just too outside the norm for them to really work for me. But this year when I so the No-vember memes I thought they were great!
No-vember a time to say no to the things you don’t want to do. That sounds like a really healthy way to walk into the super hectic holiday season and maybe really think about what things you do want to invite into your holiday celebrations. Saying no to social events you don’t want to go too. Say no to gift exchanges you don’t want to be a part of. Whatever feels right to you.
But then I got to thinking about what it’s like to say No as a parent. My hubby when we first started our parenting journey together tended to have the default of saying no to every request. Then sometimes he would think about it and come back and change his mind and turn it into a yes. I tend to be more of a “why not” parent or at least a “let me think about how we can make this work” kind of parent.
Example – this weekend my 6 year old came to me asking if she could paint. Now my house is currently in a small state of chaos as we do some home repairs so the idea of paint everywhere was not my idea of fun. Also, I had no idea what paint she was talking about, even though she insisted she got it for Christmas. So instead of just saying no (which let’s be honest is what my pregnant state wanted me to do), I asked her to show me her paint. Which turned out to be washable crayola paint. I then asked if she would be willing to paint outside on the porch. She and my almost 8 year old agreed and off they went to paint happily for quite a while. I just had to provide a jar with water for brush cleaning.
So that is what I try to do most of the time. But I still say no to a lot of things. Only one piece of Halloween candy a day and after today it’s pretty much gone. Only limited media time. You have to do your chores before said media time, etc.
And this year there has been a lot of no, Santa can’t actually get you that. Not because of a financial issue so much as, you don’t need more of things you already have. No one is getting legos this year, we have a baby entering our life again a month after Christmas. My elders are doing better with their requests. My almost 8 year old still wants to add things even though I have explained that it’s past Halloween and Santa has his list. She still wants to adjust things.
I feel like I still say no a lot. And most of the time it’s a good thing. Limits help kids feel safe, help families stay connected, and help us all not fall into constant sickness. Limits also help kids learn negotiation skills, something they will continually need throughout their lives.
I just try not to say no reactively. I try to have my no’s be reasonable or thought out. Not just I’m irritated that this is the fourth time someone has interrupted me in the past half hour. I am not perfect. I have bad days too. But I try to be aware of how often I am saying no.
What about you? Do you like this idea of No-vember? Or do you think it’s just another silly fad?
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