I Really Don’t Know How They Do It

I don’t know how single mom’s do it.  Or military families. Or long distance truckers or anyone really.

Today is day 35.  We are at the halfway point, and hubby comes home in 35 days.  It is supposed to get downhill from here. However, the way the girls are acting it feels like it might be uphill.

Mercury is in Retrograde which might explain why the communication I am having with the girls and they are having with each other is fucked up, to say the least.  And as the only parent at home, I am getting really tired of it. I am afraid after a while my patience wears thin for the ugly crying about things I can’t fix or that they just don’t want me to fix.

I am tired of being the parent that has to uphold the chores, and bedtime (especially in the summer when bedtime feels so wiggly anyway).  I have been getting them together with other kids regularly this week.   

I am so tired of telling the 5-year-old to put the kitten that decided to show up and move in with us down and to stop moving her around.  The kitten doesn’t seem to know any better and just puts up with it most of the time. She is also smaller than the other two cats but still manages to win the fights with the crotchety older cat over who gets to sleep on my bed.  I’d rather the older cat win because she can open the door when she wants to leave and the kitten can’t and I am tired of the light from the hall coming into my room.

And as I am writing this all four of my daughters have landed on my bed.  One is in a puddle of tears because I asked her to do a chore before tv. One is playing on my phone, the other two are just hanging around not helping and stirring the crying one up.  

To say it is hard to think straight is an understatement.  To say that because this is what the last 24 hours have been like I don’t want to do anything fun with them now because the only break I have gotten I slept through feels like a guilty confession.  And a failure and just the never ending nature of being the only adult around right now.

We spent the day at a friends house.  I kept my friend company while she did some sorting and the kids played with her son.  They appeared to be having a good time at the time but it has been a constant meltdown of someone since we got back.  So I am guessing that they need to stay home for a few days. Maybe I should lock them all outside? That’s what happened the last time I left for the day they managed to lock themselves out of the house.  

I am trying to come up with the good bits.  The girls have gotten tired of pizza which they don’t normally get to eat that much of as their dad is allergic to cow’s milk and the alternatives get more expensive.  I am tired of cooking. I had gotten used to hubby cooking 4-5 dinners a week and cooking for food that I know he and I will enjoy and now I am cooking for the picky horde of hormonal monsters.

Yes, I am not taking that line back because that is what they have felt like lately.  We don’t have that quiet Dad testosterone to calm them down, give them another lap to sit on or the occasional raised voice to get them back in line.  

Good bits, none of the animals have been too much trouble this week, the pig seems willing to stay in her pen as long as we keep her in fresh hay to play with.  The gander keeps taking himself on walks but is staying in the yard so that works. The kitten gets fixed in two weeks so she should settle down at that point. Blueberries are starting to come in.  

Also, I will hopefully not be doing another 10 weeks alone any time soon.  While I know hubby may need to go back at some point, hopefully, it will be for shorter periods or maybe next time we can come and visit him at the end of it.  We already have our passports after all.

Hopefully the crying winds down today.  I have stuff I need to do and dealing with all that crying as an empath can sap a lot of my energy.  Especially when they are my kids. It can be so much harder to ignore. But sometimes that is what you have to do.  That and triage. Maybe I was a nurse in a former life? Because I feel like a lot of my day is spent triaging, both the kids and what I need to get done for that day.