I’m the kind of person who fully believes she can have it all, do it all, and be it all. For my whole life, I’ve been fully entrenched in the Superwoman complex and my internal pendulum widely swung between being completely awash in feeling of successful bliss, and total burnout and sickness.

So having my first child was hard for me. Like, really hard. I had been told that I would feel totally different and really need time to chill out, lower my stress levels, and nest, but I was pretty sure I could just push through the fatigue, like I always had, and persist.

Didn’t work out that way. My kid came two months early and my whole life stopped for a while as I sat in the NICU waiting for him to be able to feed himself, regulate his own temperature, and do other normal baby things…

After we were out of the hospital and over the course of the next year, I slowly was able to work my way back to my business. I am a voice teacher and a life coach for performers, so I work for myself mostly. Which, as anyone with kids knows, basically means you have two full time jobs and three quarters of the time you don’t get directly paid for any of the work you’re doing.

When our second pregnancy came around, I again just kept persisting and working to keep my business up and going while wanting to puke the whole time. I wanted my business to GROW so that when the baby came it would be a machine I didn’t have to take so much care of.

Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a chemical termination because it became too dangerous for my life for it to continue.

Which really put things into perspective…

I WANT another child. And we’re exploring avenues like adoption, but recently we were also “cleared” to start trying again. (I use the quotes because the doctors never say that directly, but instead just make sure we know what the risks are like… SUPER clearly…)

In my case, it could all turn out to be a totally normal and healthy pregnancy! Or… it might not.

Something about this coming attempt that made me realize my drive and determination to build my business needs to be put on hold. It’s not like I can’t keep moving in that direction, but my emotional energy needs to go into taking care of my body in the best way possible so that it’s a warm and safe place for a baby to grow.

That doesn’t work well if you end up lying in bed at night with your mind spinning with business ideas or if you feel like you are constantly running from meeting to meeting.

It’s not that the action is wrong. It’s that, for me, it asks me to harden when I need to soften. Intellectualize when I need to listen to my intuition. Survive on coffee instead of water and good food. Stay up to “get shit done” when my body is telling me I need to sleep.

I can’t be in a mental growth space for my business AND my future pregnancy at the same time. They’re two different drives for me.

So while I have big ideas and programs I want to put in place. I try to constantly remind myself that it’s OK for me to rest. To take a break. To give my body space and love.

I try to remind myself that I have TIME. I’m still young. Especially in comparison to many women I know who are getting their own businesses up and going who are 10+ years older than me. (I know… I shouldn’t compare… but it’s helpful for me…)

I’ve got shit to do. But I also know what I want my life to look like. And I can’t control it all. But what I can control is my emotional space and my reactions to stress. 

While hoping for another child, I choose grace. I choose ease. I choose nesting, not building.

What choice do you need to make?

Connect with Katie on Facebook and Instagram. 

As a toddler mom to a busy little boy, a full time entrepreneur, and full time dog rescue worker the concept of burnout is something I’m highly familiar with. When it comes to putting your own f•cking oxygen mask on I’ve learned that it’s not only something supportive, but necessary to create lasting forward movement. 

I’ll backtrack a little bit…

My journey in online entrepreneurship started simultaneously with my journey of motherhood. I gave birth to my son knowing that I didn’t have a backup plan for creating income to provide for my family. As soon as I started my maternity leave, there was no looking back or returning to work. I simply refused to leave my son with someone else!  

In the midst of navigating growing an online business, I was also learning how to be a mom. We all know there is no handbook to life and I’ll be the first to admit that I failed a lot along the way. 

The early stages of caring for a newborn left me crying in the livingroom at 3am more times than I can count. The same is true for business. Anyone that tells you either of these experiences is always easy…is lying. 

When it came to “self-care” I didn’t make any space intentionally for this. I was driven by my desire to create the freedom I was craving in my life, but the constant hustle came at a huge cost. 

The alarms started to sound when I noticed that I wasn’t making movement in my business, my personal relationship was struggling and I constantly felt like I was in survival mode. Hello stress and anxiety, nice to meet you. 

I recognized that something had to change. This is when I discovered that putting my own f*cking oxygen mask on was non-negotiable. 

Everything started to shift when I began prioritizing my wellbeing. 

Once I got intentional with my time, focused on tasks that produced the highest return on investment, and really focused on the intention behind my goals I was able to find a harmony that felt good. 

I’m going to share the ways that I put my own f*cking oxygen mask on, but I also want to encourage you to get curious. Your life dynamic might look really different from mine. The things that make you feel good get to be unique to you, and that is where this gets to be fun!

 1) Plan ahead. 

I’m a spur of the moment kind of gal, I love to be kept on my toes but that doesn’t always support my wellbeing. I’ve learned that in order to be a wizard with my time, I need to plan my life and business ahead as far as possible. 

Some tools that I use to do this are my Google Calendar and Trello. I create recurring events for anything I can predict in advance and I make a year-ahead board in Trello to mark down things like school vacations, holidays etc. 

2) Leave room for changes. 

Just because you have a plan, doesn’t mean life always goes as planned. Cars break down, kids get sick, life happens unexpectedly sometimes. 

If you want to be able to ride the waves you must get into the mindset that sometimes shit just goes wrong, and that is okay. This isn’t about being perfect, it’s about keeping your shit together for the long-term. 

Start planning for the unexpected. Get AAA, have a babysitter on call, make a list of your support system. Knowing what to do when something goes awry is going to set you up for the unplanned. 

 3) Get your priorities straight.

This goes hand in hand with planning and gets easier with practice. Before I had my son I always went about life a little bit willy-nilly. We moved a lot, I jumped from job to job, meals were never planned…life was a bit scattered. 

What happens if we don’t set an intention? Life just sort of happens and we’re left wondering where the hell time went and how we got here. If you want to feel good in your day to day, and look back feeling a sense of fulfillment? 

Be intentional. 

Sit down and prioritize. Set your budget, consider how much time you are spending on what & where, look at the things you want to accomplish. This will help you reverse engineer your plans. 

When we prioritize what really matters to us (psst, self care should be on that list) we’re able to fulfill all of our needs. 

4) Ask for support. 

In everything we do it’s essential to have support. After learning this the hard way in business, and spending the first year of motherhood feeling really freaking lonely I can tell you that support is crucial. 

As you’re setting your priorities and wondering “how the hell am I going to do all of this?!” I want you to start looking at what you can take OFF your plate. 

Getting support doesn’t make you less-than or unworthy. It doesn’t make you a bad mom/wife/sister/friend. 

Trust me when I tell you that everyone will benefit when your cup is full and you have the space to breathe. Asking for support can look really different for all of us, but know that it’s okay to do so. 

5) Have fun, damn it! 

Life isn’t meant to be so serious all of the time. We are here to play, to explore, to be lit up and joyful. As you start thinking about putting your own f*cking oxygen mask on, think about what you can do that will feel fun and nourishing for you. 

Go make a list of all of the things you aspire to do and plug these in, bit by bit, into your priorities and schedule. 

Remember, you deserve to be flourishing in all areas of your life. Putting your own f*cking oxygen mask on is setting an example for future generations. I encourage you to share how you are taking action on this! We are stronger together, so let’s cheer each other on! 

Tag @calandra.martin and @mommyrebellion in your IG stories and share with us – what do you do to keep the tiny humans alive and care for yourself FIRST?

She is passionate about helping women cultivate unique businesses that infuse fun and personality into everything they do. She teaches entrepreneurs that growing a business doesn’t have to feel hard, cookie cutter, or forced.

Visit calandramartin.com to learn more and get connected. Follow Calandra on Facebook @calandramartin and Instagram @calandra.martin and subscribe to The Magnetic Boss Podcast on iTunes!

Today as I write this I am 38 weeks pregnant exactly.  And I have already had the midwives to my house twice, thinking this little soul was going to make her appearance earth side.

I am not someone quick to cry wolf.  I have been in labor 4 times before so I do know what it feels like and my body has done it before.  And both of these occasions were organized.

I wasn’t just having random contractions.  They were coming less than 5 minutes apart and were increasing in intensity.  My main midwife is an hour and 15 minutes away from my house. Back up midwives are just under a half-hour away and my friend the RN who caught my last baby with my husband is about 20 minutes away.  So some of this is trying to predict and have midwives here in time to actually catch the baby because my hubby really doesn’t want to be the one who catches her.

My first session of early labor (I hate the concept of false labor because even if it doesn’t result in the baby yet, it is still hard work and changes are still happening down there) was on New Year’s Day when this small one was just a day shy of 37 weeks.

We didn’t even have any clean newborn clothes because we had been having washer issues and I was waiting until we could have a hot water wash for her clothes.  Needless to say, we started a load of baby clothes washing that morning when the contractions picked up. I ended up puking a lot and that eventually stopped the contractions after like six hours or something.  The midwives decided I had probably picked up a short tummy flu going around and that all the puking had triggered the contractions in the first place.  

I was so miserable though.  I had pulled a muscle in my side from all the puking and had to use a heating pad for hours to get it to feel better.  I had felt like I had been sitting on my baby’s head all the day before and could not find a comfortable position. So while everyone else was making New Year’s plans and how 2020 was going to be different, I was contracting, puking or stuck in bed in pain trying to sleep.  Which wasn’t exactly how I was hoping to start the New Year, but honestly it’s just another day.

5 days later on a Sunday, the small one started having more than Braxton Hicks contractions again.  Especially if I was moving around. They started around 11:30 but we had friends coming over so I pretty much ignored them (because if you can ignore the contractions than the baby isn’t imminent in my experience).  However, after our friends left and I was walking around the contractions picked up and got as close to 2-3 minutes apart. Sitting down and holding still wasn’t comfortable and I did a lot of walking and then later having wide leg standing in my bedroom because the contractions had gotten intense enough that I could no longer walk and sometimes talk through them.  The midwife came again but after a couple of hours, the contractions backed off again and went to bed.

This is hubby’s first full week back at work since the holidays and it is weird having him 40 minutes away.  Baby continues to often give me Braxton Hicks when I am walking around the house, and it took about three days for my calves not to hurt every time I used them thanks to my activities Sunday night.

My almost 8-year-old is having trouble waiting for her sister to come.  She really wants to meet her and I tried to have a conversation with her yesterday about not asking me every two hours if the baby is on her way yet.  I know how hard it is to wait, I am waiting too. It’s like Christmas when you don’t know when that date will be and each day gets you closer but you don’t know where the finish line is either.

I didn’t expect to be here this soon.  My last three girls have come after their calendar due date, my third was 12 days after and my 4th was five.  So I am not expecting this one to be early. Having all these practice sessions are annoying. And exhausting, and silly me, I thought I would still have a little more energy while I am waiting for her to make up her mind.  

Just about everything is ready.  My girlfriends came over yesterday and helped me tidy up the baby stuff and get it all organized and ready for her.  Most of the laundry has happened and it’s just diapers that need to get washed and the cover over her car seat. I am so very tired though.  Some nights I get decent sleep and then I go for days with so much broken sleep that each day feels like a year because it is so broken up. Hubby has a colleague at work that asks him every day “What no baby yet?” even though I am not even at my due date yet.  I try to post something on Instagram every day so people know she’s not here yet, but some days I am too tired even for that.

I don’t choose the day my baby comes.  She gets to decide. It will be sometime in the next month.  It might be today, this week, next weekend. Who knows. I really hope the next time she gives me organized contractions she is ready to come out and meet the world.  We are certainly ready to meet her and her sisters are so excited to see who she is. I am excited to get past labor and move on to recovery. Right now so much of life seems to be on hold with bated breath.  Not that the world situation is helping with that feeling either. Hopefully, we will be welcoming her earthside soon. In the meantime, I am reading, crafting when I can, hanging with my girls and just trying to get through each day the best I can.  

I always feel at this stage like I am waiting until the end of the story.  I just want to know the ending because it will be a great story. But in the meantime, I just get to turn each boring page as I wait.

Mommy Rebellion is going on a holiday break.  We won’t have any new posts on the blog until January and at that point, I will mainly be on maternity leave.  I will have a few posts as I feel called to write them as well as each month’s themed post but otherwise, you can look forward to my lovely contributors who I have lined up for February, March, and April. 

In the meantime, check out one of my previous blogs, Elving,  and I hope you have a wonderful Merry Season. 

If you haven’t followed me on Instagram yet, you should if you want more day to day updates and the first glimpses of our new one.