Today as I write this I am 38 weeks pregnant exactly.  And I have already had the midwives to my house twice, thinking this little soul was going to make her appearance earth side.

I am not someone quick to cry wolf.  I have been in labor 4 times before so I do know what it feels like and my body has done it before.  And both of these occasions were organized.

I wasn’t just having random contractions.  They were coming less than 5 minutes apart and were increasing in intensity.  My main midwife is an hour and 15 minutes away from my house. Back up midwives are just under a half-hour away and my friend the RN who caught my last baby with my husband is about 20 minutes away.  So some of this is trying to predict and have midwives here in time to actually catch the baby because my hubby really doesn’t want to be the one who catches her.

My first session of early labor (I hate the concept of false labor because even if it doesn’t result in the baby yet, it is still hard work and changes are still happening down there) was on New Year’s Day when this small one was just a day shy of 37 weeks.

We didn’t even have any clean newborn clothes because we had been having washer issues and I was waiting until we could have a hot water wash for her clothes.  Needless to say, we started a load of baby clothes washing that morning when the contractions picked up. I ended up puking a lot and that eventually stopped the contractions after like six hours or something.  The midwives decided I had probably picked up a short tummy flu going around and that all the puking had triggered the contractions in the first place.  

I was so miserable though.  I had pulled a muscle in my side from all the puking and had to use a heating pad for hours to get it to feel better.  I had felt like I had been sitting on my baby’s head all the day before and could not find a comfortable position. So while everyone else was making New Year’s plans and how 2020 was going to be different, I was contracting, puking or stuck in bed in pain trying to sleep.  Which wasn’t exactly how I was hoping to start the New Year, but honestly it’s just another day.

5 days later on a Sunday, the small one started having more than Braxton Hicks contractions again.  Especially if I was moving around. They started around 11:30 but we had friends coming over so I pretty much ignored them (because if you can ignore the contractions than the baby isn’t imminent in my experience).  However, after our friends left and I was walking around the contractions picked up and got as close to 2-3 minutes apart. Sitting down and holding still wasn’t comfortable and I did a lot of walking and then later having wide leg standing in my bedroom because the contractions had gotten intense enough that I could no longer walk and sometimes talk through them.  The midwife came again but after a couple of hours, the contractions backed off again and went to bed.

This is hubby’s first full week back at work since the holidays and it is weird having him 40 minutes away.  Baby continues to often give me Braxton Hicks when I am walking around the house, and it took about three days for my calves not to hurt every time I used them thanks to my activities Sunday night.

My almost 8-year-old is having trouble waiting for her sister to come.  She really wants to meet her and I tried to have a conversation with her yesterday about not asking me every two hours if the baby is on her way yet.  I know how hard it is to wait, I am waiting too. It’s like Christmas when you don’t know when that date will be and each day gets you closer but you don’t know where the finish line is either.

I didn’t expect to be here this soon.  My last three girls have come after their calendar due date, my third was 12 days after and my 4th was five.  So I am not expecting this one to be early. Having all these practice sessions are annoying. And exhausting, and silly me, I thought I would still have a little more energy while I am waiting for her to make up her mind.  

Just about everything is ready.  My girlfriends came over yesterday and helped me tidy up the baby stuff and get it all organized and ready for her.  Most of the laundry has happened and it’s just diapers that need to get washed and the cover over her car seat. I am so very tired though.  Some nights I get decent sleep and then I go for days with so much broken sleep that each day feels like a year because it is so broken up. Hubby has a colleague at work that asks him every day “What no baby yet?” even though I am not even at my due date yet.  I try to post something on Instagram every day so people know she’s not here yet, but some days I am too tired even for that.

I don’t choose the day my baby comes.  She gets to decide. It will be sometime in the next month.  It might be today, this week, next weekend. Who knows. I really hope the next time she gives me organized contractions she is ready to come out and meet the world.  We are certainly ready to meet her and her sisters are so excited to see who she is. I am excited to get past labor and move on to recovery. Right now so much of life seems to be on hold with bated breath.  Not that the world situation is helping with that feeling either. Hopefully, we will be welcoming her earthside soon. In the meantime, I am reading, crafting when I can, hanging with my girls and just trying to get through each day the best I can.  

I always feel at this stage like I am waiting until the end of the story.  I just want to know the ending because it will be a great story. But in the meantime, I just get to turn each boring page as I wait.

Mommy Rebellion is going on a holiday break.  We won’t have any new posts on the blog until January and at that point, I will mainly be on maternity leave.  I will have a few posts as I feel called to write them as well as each month’s themed post but otherwise, you can look forward to my lovely contributors who I have lined up for February, March, and April. 

In the meantime, check out one of my previous blogs, Elving,  and I hope you have a wonderful Merry Season. 

If you haven’t followed me on Instagram yet, you should if you want more day to day updates and the first glimpses of our new one.

As I write this I am almost 34 weeks pregnant with my fifth child.  So yes I look huge. And yes, my belly is already cantilevered over my feet which I haven’t seen while standing up in months.  I don’t expect anyone outside of my midwife and husband to keep track of how far along I am. So I don’t mind people asking. What I mind is when they don’t believe me that I am ONLY 3x weeks along.  As though I would lie about this. I also don’t appreciate being told that the end of the pregnancy will fly and she will be here before I know it.

My last 3 pregnancies have ended after their “due date”.  My third daughter coming a full 12 days after her due date and my 4th about 5 days.  So I am not expecting to have her by January 23rd. Which is still over a month away.  And as I get bigger and currently am dealing with the lovely cold my children gave me, telling me she will be here before I know it isn’t helpful.  It actually makes me think of violence. And this isn’t coming from women who have never had children. I am pretty sure I never say this to pregnant women because I know how unhelpful it is.  Especially if you have a history of late children.

There is a 5 week window for safe delivery, which is more than a month. 5 weeks of knowing that labor can start at any time but at the same time you have to live your life (especially if you have other children to look after in your life).  I still need things to keep me occupied, craft projects, audiobooks and books in general. I still have to get through each day until she comes. I am still the parent at home most of the time. And while I don’t want to travel too far from home once I am in that window (because I have had two very fast labors including the last one being under 2 hours) I will still have to get out of the house from time to time and see friends.  

But while I will breathe a sigh of relief when I hit the safe zone I know that it could still be many weeks before I get to greet this little one earth side.  I don’t want her to come before she is ready. I want her to have good lungs, be a good size and be ready to join us. Healthy, that is always what I am working toward with my small ones.

So the next time you see a pregnant lady, no matter how far along she is, please don’t tell her it will be over soon.  Not unless she asks you too. Because time slows when you are pregnant and babies come when they come. And due dates are just estimates.  We are all individuals and we are growing individuals and they come at their own times.

Read more of my parenting rants in my Mommy Rebellion Book; Brutal Honesty About Motherhood and Other Sh*it We Pretend to Love. 

PS. Stay up to date on all things new baby by joining our Mommy Rebellion Newsletter HERE.