Because time slows when you are pregnant and babies come when they come and due dates are just estimates.
As I write this I am almost 34 weeks pregnant with my fifth child. So yes I look huge. And yes, my belly is already cantilevered over my feet which I haven’t seen while standing up in months. I don’t expect anyone outside of my midwife and husband to keep track of how far along I am. So I don’t mind people asking. What I mind is when they don’t believe me that I am ONLY 3x weeks along. As though I would lie about this. I also don’t appreciate being told that the end of the pregnancy will fly and she will be here before I know it.
My last 3 pregnancies have ended after their “due date”. My third daughter coming a full 12 days after her due date and my 4th about 5 days. So I am not expecting to have her by January 23rd. Which is still over a month away. And as I get bigger and currently am dealing with the lovely cold my children gave me, telling me she will be here before I know it isn’t helpful. It actually makes me think of violence. And this isn’t coming from women who have never had children. I am pretty sure I never say this to pregnant women because I know how unhelpful it is. Especially if you have a history of late children.
There is a 5 week window for safe delivery, which is more than a month. 5 weeks of knowing that labor can start at any time but at the same time you have to live your life (especially if you have other children to look after in your life). I still need things to keep me occupied, craft projects, audiobooks and books in general. I still have to get through each day until she comes. I am still the parent at home most of the time. And while I don’t want to travel too far from home once I am in that window (because I have had two very fast labors including the last one being under 2 hours) I will still have to get out of the house from time to time and see friends.
But while I will breathe a sigh of relief when I hit the safe zone I know that it could still be many weeks before I get to greet this little one earth side. I don’t want her to come before she is ready. I want her to have good lungs, be a good size and be ready to join us. Healthy, that is always what I am working toward with my small ones.
So the next time you see a pregnant lady, no matter how far along she is, please don’t tell her it will be over soon. Not unless she asks you too. Because time slows when you are pregnant and babies come when they come. And due dates are just estimates. We are all individuals and we are growing individuals and they come at their own times.
Read more of my parenting rants in my Mommy Rebellion Book; Brutal Honesty About Motherhood and Other Sh*it We Pretend to Love.
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