The New Face of Grandmas

I have fond memories of my grandmothers. They were both heavy-set women with large bosoms and welcoming arms for comforting embraces. They were talented cooks and took immense pleasure in feeding their family beyond button popping. They loved crocheting, knitting and quilting. They had well-worn rocking chairs and thoroughly enjoyed their retirement for many years. When I look back at photos of them in their thick, horn-rimmed glasses, polyester-printed dresses and bouffant hairdos, I realize that they had always been old. Always.

I often find myself reminiscing about visiting with my grandparents. We were spoiled with sweets and late nights and rarely heard the word “no”. We explored the outdoors, gathered flowers, caught frogs and ate fresh grapes straight off the vine. We sought shelter from the hot sun under a giant weeping willow tree during the day and chased fireflies at night. I always felt loved by my grandmothers and was contented to be in their presence.

Two and a half years ago, at age 47, I became a grandmother for the first time. To say I wasn’t ready, is an understatement. My son was just shy of 20 when he told me they were having a baby and I was scared for him… he was still a “baby” himself in my eyes. When I considered that in just a few short months I’d be a grandmother, I found it difficult to imagine. I don’t quite fit the traditional description of “grandmotherly”. I exercise regularly, I am vegan, I meditate and do yoga when I can find the time, I have tattoos and a nose ring, I own a business, I’m a professional musician, I still have two kids at home and my boyfriend lives with me. I have a love life, for crying out loud. I am not even on the same plane as my grandmothers were!

I find myself trying to navigate the waters of youthful grandparenting and never quite feeling successful. My son is now 23. He is engaged to his lovely fiancée (a bit older than he is) who has a son (age 9) from a previous relationship.  She and my son have one child, together, my granddaughter (age 2 ½). I am a grandmother to two phenomenal children. However, unlike my own grandparents, I am actively parenting two children at home… my younger son who will be 20 this spring and my daughter who is 11.

I am thankful that my grandchildren are very close by so that I can be there in 5 minutes, if they need me. And yet, I still don’t see them that often. Cue “Cat’s in the Cradle”! We are all busy and have schedules that don’t always mesh. I know that part of the reason we don’t see each other more is because they are aware that I am working and have a “life” so they don’t want to intrude. Another part of it is that I refuse to drop in or invite myself over… a “nicety” that is tradition in my family. However, the other grandmother sees them quite a bit. She is in a totally different place in her life than I am and yet I find myself feeling a titch jealous at the close relationship she has with the grandkids. As much as I want to latch onto my granddaughter every time I see her, I usually wait for her to approach me. But because I’m not around all the time, she tends to shy away only coming to me near the end of a visit. Do I push myself on her? Would that break the ice? No, I’m just not that person. I can’t help but wish that she would just thrust herself into my arms when she sees me so that I can bury my face in her sweet smelling hair and kiss and squeeze her like my grandmothers did me. Maybe someday.

I have so many conflicting feelings about this role. “Grandmother me” would love to drop everything any time they call and run over there to help them by watching the kids. “Mom me” is exhausted at the end of the day because I’ve been working and just wants to crawl into bed. “Grandmother me” would love to have my son and his sweet family over once a week for dinner. “Mom me” wants to do this too, but can’t seem find the time between work and errands and helping my daughter with homework or chauffeuring her from one thing to another to make that happen. “Grandmother me” wants to say “yes” when they call and ask me to come over on a weekend night. “Girlfriend me” wants to savor a few hours of alone time with my boyfriend. Internal struggle like this is normal, right?

I want to be to my grandchildren what my grandparents were to me. I want them to think about “Mimi” as a sweet, lovey grandma who would do anything for them but I also have to check myself in reality. My grandparents were older. They were retired. Their children had been out of the home for quite some time before they were called to their grandparenting duties. While not rich, they were well enough along to be able to vacation or do fun things with us, and had plenty of time to do it. I will be there one day, but that day is not today.

On the flipside, I have found that there are some fun benefits to being a young grandmother. I can get on the floor and tumble with the kids and still get back up again! I can keep up with them and take them on long walks and even jump on the trampoline.  I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be a parent, or a kid for that matter. My daughter and the grands get along stupendously and that is heartwarming to observe. I never seem to tire of hearing the “You’re a GRANDmother? No way! You look so young!” and of course, I get to be the super cool “rockstar” granny when they watch me perform on stage. Maybe someday I’ll even wear a bedazzled denim jacket with matching tennies! There are many proud moments when I watch my son being an exceptional father to his kids. He is a natural. Watching that makes my heart nearly burst out of my chest! Being a younger grandma will also hopefully translate to me being around for a longer part of their lives, and that thought makes me very happy.

I have decided that in 2019, I am going to give myself a little grace. I am going to enjoy the time I have with my children and my grandchildren and not concern myself too much with the areas in which I may be lacking. I’m going to approach grandparenting as I did with parenting by doing my best and, learning as I go. I will choose to do better when I know better, and when I’m able. I will make mistakes as I’m sure my grandparents did but I’m pretty sure I’ll get a lot right, too. I won’t be the same kind of grandmother to my grandkids as mine were to me but I hope to be just the right mix of cool and fun and loving and still doting grandmother. I plan to spend quality time with my grandchildren as often as I can, while spoiling them rotten may have to be put on hold for awhile. But since I’m a young granny, there should be PLENTY of time for that!

Lauren is mother to three and grandmother to two. She is a Reiki Master Teacher, Certified Crystal Healer, Ordained Minister, Energy Therapist and owner of Restorative Roots. She taught high school and middle school French and Spanish for 24 years and now applies the people skills she learned to help her clients heal themselves: body, mind and soul. She and her boyfriend are self-proclaimed health nuts and founded a group on Facebook called: Plant-based/Vegan/Vegetarian Lifestyle FUN group+ to help others lead more healthy lives through diet and exercise. In her spare time, Lauren is a professional singer and enjoys performing all around West Michigan. 

You can get more information on Lauren’s website: www.restorativerootsrocks.com  You can also follow her on Facebook and Instagram.