The Current State of My World

This pandemic thing sucks.  I already knew that this run up to the election was going to be difficult in this country, but I never thought we would be having a political war over wearing masks, whether science is real and whether we should hold physically-distant-but-in-person-school this fall.

I am exhausted.  Truly and utterly at my end.  I have a six month old.  She is a delight and by all measures a pretty easy baby.  I have had five so I have some experience with babies.  She is the light of my days and makes our lives better and sinks us into the moment instead of just swirling around upset at the state of the world.

But I had forgotten, somehow, that there is a major growth spurt at 6 months.  Perhaps I would have remembered if she had started this major suck-fest last week instead of 8 days after she turned 6 months old.  Maybe not though.  I don’t remember the expected 3 month growth spurt to be a big deal.  But then again it is hard to remember what was happening back in May.  It is hard to believe it is August except for the fact that the weather tells me that it is.

I am so tired.  I try to avoid social media (though it is my job so I can’t totally avoid it) because people are just crazy and I no longer have the brain power or the energy to explain to people that science is real, that masks are important and there are as many ways to homeschool as there are families doing it.  And this isn’t even touching the fact that Breanna Taylor’s killers haven’t been charged with anything yet, that there are riots in various cities and that there are unmarked paramilitary people kidnapping protesters.  And that’s not even touching politics.  

It is hard.  It is hard to stay positive.  It is hard to chop wood and carry water and keep my house clean.  Among all of this I am canning.  I am preserving the bounty of our garden into glass jars and storing them in the basement for this winter.  I have made pickles, and jams, marmalades, preserves, lacto-fermented pickles, barbecue sauce and salsa and I haven’t even bought extra tomatoes yet.  Meanwhile there is a shortage of canning supplies in the country, starting with vinegar and now going to jars and lids.  I am making broth from chicken and turkey necks, feet and bones as well as pork bones and sealing them in jars as the basis of so many meals this winter.  Because come what may we will need bone broth.

Also I need freezer space, because there is a freezer shortage thanks to this pandemic.  Thankfully there appears to be freezers starting to come up on Craigslist as people realize perhaps they don’t need as many as they thought they did or maybe they just need the money.  In any event we hope to get a freezer soon as there are more than 50 birds in my yard that will need to go to freezer camp soon.

The to-do list is never ending right now.  I had hoped that July would be more project building than canning but the cucumbers came in early and my family loves pickles and relish.  We took this weekend off from constantly trying to get projects done, but that doesn’t mean I feel any less behind.  We have so many half finished projects right now that it is slowly driving me mad, could we just get something finished and off the list without another trip to town (which is a half hour away)?

We have a long weekend coming up and a birthday.  Then two weeks later another birthday that may mean a week off I’m not sure the dates yet.  On the one hand it will be wonderful to get more things off the list (and some of those yummy chickens in the freezer) on the other hand I am in desperate need for rest.  

It is hot, so we need regular visits to water which is hard with the need to physically distance from other people and everyone wanting to do the same thing.  Everyone is home all the time and for the foreseeable future which means the moments of quiet time I could grab throughout the day are harder to find as everyone needs to be quieter when Dad is working and it’s a bit too hot for everyone to hide outside and besides I have been in the hot kitchen putting up the bounty.  

But I have to stop from time to time.  There is a small person who needs extra milk, and extra comfort this week as she realizes that her people can actually walk out of the room.  I would love to spend the day reading a book for pleasure.  But my house also needs to get cleaned and organized and have these half finished projects finished up so things could get put away.

So today I stole a few moments to write this before I help with reading practice and silver award.  Then it’s packing snacks, cooler, and swimsuits and getting ready to do the farmer’s market, library, and then hitting some water at the end.  Hopefully there will be enough breeze through the car windows since the a/c in the van needs to be checked and we just haven’t had time to mess with it yet.

Because as hot as the dog days of summer feel this year in Maine I know that winter is coming.  I keep telling the kids that we can resume Family Movie nights after the equinox when the days get shorter and we can’t be outside getting things done.  I am looking forward to that quieter time.  Even though my little one will be getting into more things and I will need to work harder to keep her safe.  But that seems to be the theme of 2020.  Working harder to keep everyone safe.

*** Read more real life, real talk parenting journeys in The Mommy Rebellion Book. ***