Halloween Costumes Might Just Kill Me

It is that time of year again. Immediately upon taking down all the back to school shit (and sometimes even before that) they put up all the Halloween costumes. I think it is supposed to coincide with pumpkin lattes being released originally but now it just seems to be whenever the company that owns the store decides to rotate stock.

Then it becomes even more impossible to shop with your kids. It’s a bit like a prequel to Christmas where you kids always want to go down the Christmas aisles to see all the ornaments and you feel like the mothers in A Miracle on 34th Street, where they really do not want to stand in line to see Santa Claus or buy any more presents.

Halloween costumes are like the prequel to that. To get you ready for all the commercialism of Christmas. And it seems to start with the candy. And early. I was in Sam’s Club in August and they had big jugs of Halloween Pretzels to pass out to trick-or-treaters. With pretzels shaped as Jack-o-Lanterns and Bats. I had to buy them of course on the off chance that we actually get some trick-or-treaters in the new house, and on the even better chance that my kids will eat them as snacks when we need to take car trips.

But beyond the candy, and how that either all gets eaten in one night or sticks around for the rest of the year, and seeing sugar everywhere, there are the costumes.

Oh my gawd the costumes. Thank goodness my kids don’t go to school and really do not have a lot of opportunity to share notes with other kids. Because here’s the thing. I am one crafty mama. I could totally Pinterest up the stuff I make, but frankly, my house is never that clean and the lighting is usually dark because it is after the kids go to bed. So it just doesn’t happen.

But here is the problem with being a crafty mama. I have four kids. That could mean four unique handmade costumes every fucking year that they are only going to wear for a couple of hours at most right? Because yes my girls do love to play dress up, but no they would much rather put on bigger people’s clothes than wear actually costumes that anyone took any time to make. Seriously.

So I have the skills. But I do not have the interest or the time. And since my kiddos got some theater grade costume hand me downs years ago, I decided I am not doing costumes. You have plenty of costumes already taking up floor space around the house, you are creative, you can figure this out. I am willing to be a sounding board and help you think about how you can do things, but I am not, no way going to help you. You’ve got that yourself.

This has worked for years. My eldest is 12 after all. Beyond occasionally dressing up myself (and only if I absolutely have to) I have been uninvolved in costuming. And it’s been great.

But then my youngest announced about six months before Halloween that she wanted to dress up as Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. And she is perfect for it with the long blond hair that can be swept back, and she has the personality of a Slytherin to a tee. But we do not have any cloaks and Harry Potter type costume stuff because my kids have never shown an interest before.

So I talked to her about making a Slytherin scarf to go with her costume. I even found a free pattern on the web and my mother offered to start it while she was visiting this summer. And she probably got about 18 inches of the scarf done. But here’s the thing. I hate knitting scarves. And I have other handwork projects
going on right now. And that same child had her first birthday party this year as she turned 5 and the guest list was small enough that I made all the kids either unicorn headbands or bear headbands depending on the gender. So there is no way in hell that scarf is getting down by Halloween (well actually before because it’s a Wednesday this year so Halloween takes place the Saturday before in most cases), especially when I discovered that Target had a better one complete with fringe and the actual Slytherin coat of arms for $7. So I ordered that instead to go with the Slytherin shirt we bought her months ago for her birthday.

And of course being 5 after months of saying she was going to be Draco Malfoy for Halloween the closer we get to it the less she seems to want to be willing to dress up as Draco. It is enough to drive a parent insane.

Meanwhile my 10 year old didn’t get a cool headband for the birthday party because I was doing the birthday girl and guest first. So she needs me to finish up gray cat ears for her before I leave in 36 hours to be gone for 72 hours because she might be going to a Halloween party while I am gone. I have already made fox ears for the 6 year old. Thank goodness the 12 year old seems unimpressed. I am unimpressed. How did I manage to get roped into helping with costumes this year?

How can I make it stop?

Because they just might kill me. Halloween costumes. They just might do me in. Hearing about all my crafty and non crafty friends making them for their kids. And not wanting to spend my money on buying them the cheap nasty costumes in the store (because you know how I feel about shopping with my kids period). I think I should just hide and declare Halloween over. Here’s a bunch of candy, go get the child’s version of a hangover and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

Yep, that sounds like a great idea!