Early Morning Snuggles

One of the best aspects of parenting is snuggling. That cozy time where your body touching their bodies is simply enough. Where they don’t necessarily need to talk (though of course sometimes they do) but simply just need to be held.

As I write this my 11-year-old who has been coming to sleep at the end of my bed for weeks now do to who the heck knows why, but she’s not walking me up in the middle of the night, so eventually she will move past this, has just woken up. None of her sisters are awake yet and it’s before 8 AM so she’s decided to climb into bed next to me and snuggle.

I explained that I needed to write so she isn’t speaking, she may be reading over my shoulder, I am not sure, but there is a sense of coziness to her just hanging out next to me.

I am sure this would fall under the Danish concept of Hygge of doing things to just feel really cozy and connected. I suppose if we had candle burning or were near a fireplace and it was wicked weather outside that would make it even better. Instead it is the start of another sunny spring day.

But right now it is still quiet. The only sounds are of our breathing and my light tapping of the keyboard on my laptop as I write this. There are some distant traffic noises as we live not far from one of the major routes here in Maine.

Her eyes have drifted closed so I know that right now at this moment all is good in her world. Her needs are being met. And let’s face it as parents, that is something that should be celebrated and appreciated, that right now things are good.

No emergencies, no fighting, no hysterics, right now things are good.

When my babies were well babies one of the best parts of my day was when they would fall asleep on me. I would be content just holding them for hours (often times in a baby carrier especially after my firstborn) knowing that all was good in their world, that I had done everything they needed me to do.

When they were toddlers and so into exploring their worlds and at times it felt like a never-ending high alert suicide watch, I would hold out for when they would take a nap. Even if sometimes it was on me and they were all sweaty and hot and I was all sweaty and hot. It created such a good connection, such a good bonding experience to have them sleeping on me and knowing that once again everything was good. I could take a deep breath and just relax for a while.

When my daughters were little and where we lived was small my hubby would often reconnect with them when they slept on him. It was the favorite part of his day too. His love language is touch and I am not sure there is much in the world that makes him happier than having a slumbering small child on his chest. I really think that is one of his favorite parts of being a father.

But children grow. And we want them to because that means they won’t stay in this stage that is driving us crazy forever. And as they grow it can be so easy to lose that connection. To lose that time to be in touch with the other person. I don’t have sons so I don’t know if it is different than daughters, but there comes a point where you really have to wait for them to ask for hugs, rather than them giving them as often and with such free abandon as they did when they were little. They become almost sacred.

I used to do something we called the “lap thing” when I got too big to fit in my mother’s lap. There were just two of us, my brother being 3 ½ years younger than me and my mom would read us many a chapter book aloud as part of our homeschooling (though I am pretty sure she would have done it even if we had remained in school longer). Anyway it was often after lunch cozy time and we would put our heads on either side of her lap while she was reading. Often giggles and silliness would ensue.

But what I remember most other than getting the opportunity to stare at the ceiling for hours on a regular basis (which really does change your perspective of the world) was that we had that regular physical connection. We had that regular touch.

My girls often jostle over who gets to sit next to me on our too small couch when we watch television together. And some days honestly I am touched out and need to go sit someplace else. I do my best to help everyone have a turn and make sure that the ones whose turn it isn’t know that most likely at least one of them can curl up by their dad. There seems to be something so important about these snuggle times. Just like curling up to my hubby at night is often the highlight of my day.

She has fallen so far asleep that she is snoring. Which she needed. And I am sure my bed has got to feel better to her body than the floor. It feels really good to have this connection time with her. One that doesn’t require my brain to be on. One where my mere presence is simply enough.

I am enough

For her

Right now.

I am going to sit here and breathe that in for a while.