Do You Talk to Your Partner Enough?

I am not about to tell you what is going to work for you and your partner.  But I know from experience that when I don’t make time for my relationship with my hubby, everything goes to shit.  Literally and Figuratively.

And it can be so easy to just let things slide.  To not take turns sharing how your day went, to letting the kids needs and schedules come before your own.  To not go out on a date or ask for what you need or turn the TV off with enough time to spare to actually say hi to this person who is on this journey with you.

I have felt just as selfish asking for  time and money to go on a date with my spouse as I have felt about spending time and money on myself.  If you have signed up for my newsletter than you have read some of the creative ways my hubby and I have come up with to go on “dates” without actually having to leave our kids or get a babysitter.

Lately reading aloud a shared book at night has created a good connection between the two of us and is a great way to wind down and get ready to sleep.

But it is not easy.  It is not easy to keep showing up with our vulnerable heart in our hands and share.

Esther Perel has helped.  Brene Brown has helped more than she can imagine.  Friends have helped by watching our kids and letting us sneak away or being a safe ear when we have needed to work things out.

We had a wonderful marriage counselor in a time of crisis.  We have kept our parents out of our relationship by and large because that has worked for us.  We regularly make time to be just us.

But it is hard.  Sometimes I don’t want to have another uncomfortable conversation.  I don’t want to have to share how I am feeling, I just want to be pissed off, mad, etc.  I certainly don’t always want to be the first to apologize.

But I do.  We both do.  Because at the end of the day the kids will all have left home and it will just be us.  As we tell our daughters all the time about their relationships with each other, at the end of the day it will just be them and it will just be us and you have to make sure those relationships stay strong.  

Is this something we always have worked out?  Hell No. It’s like parenting, just when we think we have it figured out the rules change.  The situation change, we change. But would I want to take this ride with anyone else?

No.  Which is why my relationship with my partner comes first.  Right after my relationship with myself and right before my relationship with all of my girls.  

Do you feel like you talk to your partner enough?