The Tummy Bug

by | Jan 29, 2019 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

I forgot what a pain in the ass getting puke out of carpet was.

And then the tummy bug did what it loves to do, it tore through our house.

We all get it. No matter how much we wash our hands, wash our kids hands, use chemicals to keep our house clean (or use vinegar or just try to make a pathway through our house) it always happens. And this is the time of year in the Northern Hemisphere it tends to happen. The tummy bug, the flu (though actually the real flu is about your lungs not your gastrointestinal track), the puking virus, the roto virus, whatever you call it is bound to hit your house at some point.

It came to visit us at the end of my 7 year old’s birthday. Her party had been canceled due to what was suppose to be two feet of snow (we got more like a foot) and we had stayed home. That night she and the sister she sleeps with woke me up puking. They both managed to miss the toilet. I forgot what a pain in the ass getting puke out of carpet was.

So I ended up sitting up most of the night with the girls. Rob had work the next morning, so I had the night shift. We watched the Great British Bake Off and then Extraordinary homes and I kept dozing between having to get up every half hour to empty the buckets they had puked into. Like clockwork every half hour even though they were down to just sipping water and their dinner was long gone in the upstairs carpet… they would puke and I would get up and empty their bowls. And then sit back down on the couch with them and doze off again.

I lasted until 4 am and then they were both asleep and hadn’t popped in a while so I snuck up to bed for a while. My hubby was working from home that day due to the snow so he took over and let me sleep until about 9:30. And then the tummy bug did what it loves to do, it tore through our house.

By Tuesday my hubby was up in bed with his own puke bowl, and my 12 year old was doing her best to help out because while I never puked or got diarrhea I was so exhausted and tired from looking after everyone else that I wasn’t much help. My 5 year old came down with it about the same time as her Dad and I was up with her the next night. By Wednesday when my hubby tried to go into work (and got sent home after half a day anyway) it was getting pretty bad and we were out of any kind of food my family would actually want to eat. We also live 15 minutes away from the closest grocery store of any size, my hubby did stop and buy bread and eggs at the local general store where everything is local and/or organic.

Late Wednesday my eldest finally succumbed losing her dinner on the carpet in the hall as well. I got up and cleaned that up but unfortunately she was on her own with the tv remote that night. She said she dozed off because she would wake up and it would be a new episode of whatever she was watching. I felt bad but hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since Saturday and was running on fumes.

I kept my girls home Thursday from normal Girl Scout activities because I didn’t want them sharing these lovely germs and by Friday night we all went to the grocery store together to resupply.

One of the things that this bout of the tummy virus reminded me was that I need to create a box that only gets open when we are sick and has the crackers, gluten free crackers, maybe some juice and ginger ale, packaged bone broth and other things you really want when you are sick. Because if I keep then in the general pantry then my family will find it and eat it all and it won’t be there when we need it.

So tell me what would you put in your food for when you are sick box? I would love some more ideas as I build this box. Also has the tummy bug hit your house yet?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

The Catalyst Moment that Helped Me Quit my Job to Start Anew

by | Jan 24, 2019 | Mental Health, Parenting, Self-Care, Truth-Telling, working

 Megan Day, MSc, CLC, and founder of Rooted & Vibrant, shares her journey of how she made the decision to resign from her 10 year career in healthcare to start her own business and explore her calling.

The moment that I decided I would help people was when I realized I had finally learned to help myself.

My second daughter was a challenging baby, she had colic for the first 5 months and screamed every night until 11pm, at which time she crashed from exhaustion and slept beside me, nursing every few hours. I ended up going through a bout of postpartum depression a few months later.

I am typically a very sociable person. I took my first daughter to many, many mom and baby programs and I had made a few close mommy friends. With my second daughter, when I was going through postpartum depression, I found myself avoiding people. Some days I didn’t have the energy for small talk. I was burnt out from taking care of a baby and a toddler. I didn’t have much else to give. On top of that, I was hiding my pain and struggle from those close to me, other than my poor husband who took the brunt of my troubles. I didn’t want them to think I was weak or a bad mom. I can honestly say it was the toughest year of my life.

The end of my maternity leave was coming near and I had a decision to make about my career. I felt stuck and I felt ashamed for not being grateful for my career BUT that year had changed me and I knew that I had to do things differently going forward if I wanted to continue to stay well and live a happier life. I was terrified of going back to that dark place. I didn’t want to be a miserable person, wife or mom. I learned that I was the only one that could make those changes, no one else could do it for me.

I didn’t let the strong pull of my familiar job get in the way of me rising to my dreams. I had worked 10 years in healthcare as a genetic counselor. I was good at my job and at one time it had defined me. You see, people were always impressed by my job title. Genetic counselors are studious and smart, two traits that I really wanted people to think I had. On top of that, I was sure that my colleagues would think I was insane to quit. I wasn’t insane, but I had changed. I had had a wake up call, an awakening and I’m so grateful for it.

Postpartum depression had me crying in the kitchen while my husband and kids were laughing and playing in the next room. Feelings of overwhelm and sometimes outbursts of downright rage would take hold of me. I wasn’t risking going back to that.

I had gotten therapy but knew that this was my chance to set up my life differently and make my wellness a priority. So I worked with a coach myself and I quit my full time job.

I used savings to get my coaching certification, I learned meditation and I coached my own practice clients during my daughter’s naps and in the evenings. Slowly, slowly, I worked at it, all while trying to hold myself and my family as a priority. I’ve met a network of female entrepreneurs around me in my first year of business who are inspiring and authentic.

Not every day is perfect but I am stronger than ever. You might say, I rose out of the ashes like a Phoenix. (I love that visual!).

What I believe about my work above all is: that it is important. Let me elaborate. I believe that many moms are not living out their true potential because they are afraid to fail, afraid to look like a weirdo, afraid that they are not good enough, afraid that they are unworthy, don’t think they have any options, and on and on. I was one of these moms.

This coaching thing is important. It unlocks the potential in women who may have otherwise continued to play small. It supports women to make choices that honour their own values and needs. The world needs more of these women stepping up in a powerful way and running the show!

When people ask me what I do I say “I’m a coach who works with moms”. This does NOT do it justice. If you get to the heart of what I really do and why, you’ll find that much of what I do is draw out the genius in others. The moms that I work with are already “successful” by most traditional definitions of the word but they don’t feel it. They are stuck between their dedication to their kids and their ambition to accomplish the dream they have in their soul. I see them and I see their potential. I uncover that dream and lovingly nudge them to discover their power to execute it.

My journey to this place has been painful and challenging at times. My daughters, husband and close family and friends have supported me along the way and have dotted my path with moments of joy. Everyday I have to continue to make choices that will keep me strong and sane. I hold tightly to the person that I have become. I honor the person that I used to be and I keep pushing forward because I believe that a healthy mom supports a healthy family and healthy families are the cornerstone of a healthy community. This is how we heal the world ladies, one mom, one family, one community at a time.

Megan Day, MSc, CLC, is a Certified Life Coach, Meditation Instructor and the founder of Rooted & Vibrant. Her mission is to empower women to find their life’s work and to help ambitious moms create fulfilling lives.
In 2017, Megan made the decision to resign from her 10 year career in healthcare to start her own business and explore her calling. She values family, community, connection and adult conversation. She has found her life purpose in helping other moms find theirs.

7 Rules You Must Follow When Building New Habits

by | Jan 17, 2019 | Parenting, Tips and Techniques, Truth-Telling

Today the amazing Melissa Beasley shares her journey of momprenuership and passes along the tips she’s learned along the way.

Dear reader,

My business coach often says that entrepreneurship is the graduate school of personal growth. Building a business tends to bring you face to face with some of your deepest fears, insecurities, and limitations. Looking them in the face can be overwhelming at best, and debilitating at its worst. For my sweet mamas, add the fact that motherhood is a catalyst that brings out any and all flaws and fears that you might be able to avoid in business growth and you have a recipe for potential disaster. Yet, momprenuers seem to be on the rise because moms (and women in general) are amazing creatures of strength, fortitude, grace and magic. If you’re on this path let me start by telling you that you have my utmost respect and admiration. I know from personal experience how grueling this journey is and anyone who even attempts it deserves a giant, shining, gold star.
Now, dear one, I want to warn you of one of the biggest pitfalls you might face on this path and I’m going to do it through a story about gardening.

Imagine for a minute that you have inherited a beautiful country cottage that sits on sprawling gardens. Gardening is a passion of yours and you can’t wait to get in there and cultivate the grounds to bring out the best in nature’s beauty. As you drive along the winding country road you’re already thinking through what kinds of plants you want to buy as you wonder what kind of soil you’ll see. You get excited imagining what kinds of plants are already there waiting for you. You round the corner and your heart sinks and a sense of shock stops your thoughts with the screech of a halted record. The grounds have apparently been abandoned and neglected for what looks like decades. Everything is completely overgrown with vines, weeds and grass. You’re not even sure where the gardens end the yard begins.

You take a deep breath, approach a section of garden and gingerly start poking through the thick overgrowth. You feel a thrill of excitement as you notice some beautiful roses and irises still growing strong despite the suffocating weeds. You also groan as you look through the many vines growing over the garden; you know from experience how pernicious some of these species are and they’ve had ages to establish deep roots. Clearing them out is not going to be easy. The reality of the work ahead of you sinks in; this is going to take a long time.

This is a perfect analogy for what happens again and again as people begin a personal growth journey. You have limiting beliefs, traumas, fears and insecurities that have been silently growing and suffocating your dreams and strengths for years, maybe even decades. Then you started a business, or had children, or sought help changing some unhealthy habits and were brought face to face with those weeds. That moment of realization is often earth shattering. “You mean I have all this muck just sitting inside me holding me back and making me miserable!?!? Oh hell no, that’s going away right now!” So you start furiously tearing at weeds only to exhaust yourself after making a small amount of progress, which leaves you feeling discouraged and hopeless.

But there is a better solution. When you come face to face with a giant mess and are tempted to go to war against it, stop, take a deep breath, and follow these rules.

1. Realize this is not a new mess

This mess has been here for a long time. It didn’t suddenly show up right when you saw it. When you first glimpse your mess a part of you will think “Eww, gross!! Get it out now!!!” But calm down, it’s been there a while and it hasn’t killed you yet. Yes it’s gross, of course you want it to go away, but you can’t clear it all right this second and trying will only hurt you more.

2. This mess took time to make and it will take time to clean up

This ties in with rule #1 and serves as another reminder that you can’t clear all of this out right away. The longer those vines have been growing, the longer they will take to clear out. The sooner you can be okay with allowing part of the mess to still be there as you clear other parts of it out, the less stressful this process will be.

3. You have to get to the roots, but not right away

I know, I know, you’re thinking I’m crazy because everyone knows that you should go straight for the roots of a problem right? Well, not always. Take our weeds and vines for example. When you have a thick overgrowth of vines you often can’t even get to the roots; you’ll have to do some trimming back first. Sometimes when you’re doing personal growth and emotional healing you first have to chip away at the surface symptoms and heal those before you can even see the root issues. So if you’ve been working on it for a couple of years and it still hasn’t healed, don’t be discouraged. You are still doing good work, and you’ll get to the root when you’re ready. However, if you stop after trimming back the surface symptoms, those problems will keep growing back again and again. So, be okay with trimming back the surface issues at first, but don’t give up until you’ve gotten those roots out.

4. Make a plan

You can’t just tear out weeds at random and hope to have any lasting effect. Figure out what the most critical place to start is. What issue is choking the most life out of you right now? What is having the biggest negative impact on your life? Write down the top two that come to mind and start working on those.

You can also find areas that are simple fixes and clear them out to give yourself some breathing room. Are there items on your to-do list that you can accomplish in 10-30min and they would be done for good? Make a list of those things and start crossing them off. It will give you some emotional breathing room so you can have more energy to focus on the big issues.

As other issues come to mind write them down and then leave them. Tell yourself that those items will be addressed after you have handled what’s on your list right now. You’re not ignoring them, you are simply choosing where to focus your energy. I like to keep post-it note pads around the house and when something comes to mind to distract me I write it down and stick it to the wall. At the end of the day I collect all my post-it notes and transfer them onto my master list. Knowing that things aren’t slipping through the cracks is a huge relief for my overthinking brain.

Follow the plan. Don’t give up. It can be tempting to start a task, then tell yourself you should pick a different one instead because that one will work faster. This is not a fast process. The best way trough this process is to make a plan and stick to that plan.

5. Sometimes clearing one issue causes others to clear up as well

Be encouraged by the fact that clearing up one issue often has a positive impact on other areas of your life. Don’t be surprised to find that working on one or two issues actually resolves a set of minor issues that you never even realized were related to it.

6. Remember the roses inside the weeds

As you free them from the tangle of vines you’ll be able to start cultivating them so they can grow and shine as they were intended. Your strengths have been suffocated by fears and limiting beliefs, and as you free them you’ll be given the chance to grow and improve those strengths so you can bring your gifts into the world.

7. Get help

I can’t stress this enough. You don’t want to go through this process alone. You want an expert who has walked this path and understand the struggles that you are going to face. You want someone who knows the obstacles and knows how to overcome them so you can decrease how long this process takes. Helping people like you navigate your tangled mess is a passion of mine. I love watching the tangled darkness clear away as you begin to shine a light on your strengths and breathe new life into your dreams.

Let me walk this path with you, contact me at Melissa@loveessentialskincare.com to set up an appointment today.

Melissa is a natural skin care formulator, the founder of Love-Essential Skin Care, and the mother of two amazing boys.

To learn more about Melissa and her work, please visit her website HERE.

Teenage Girls

by | Jan 15, 2019 | Parenting, Teenagers, Truth-Telling

Teenage girls just show up overnight in secret while you were sleeping.

I was once a teenager too and hopefully when your teenage time passes our relationship will still be intact.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

When The Right Decision Makes You Sad

by | Dec 20, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care, Truth-Telling

Today Carol Burris shares her journey on how she has learned to take time and enjoy this season, without being overwhelmed with your to-do list. 

As I took my predawn walk this morning, it started to flurry. Single, widely spaced snowflakes danced and sparkled in the street lights and I though of the joy and excitement of my granddaughters when the snow starts to fly. Which reminded me that once again I wasn’t there with them to share and bask in their delight. Which led my thought to Christmas, another moment I would miss. Most of the time I’m okay with the distance between us. After all, a few years ago when my husband retired, we cut that distance by more than half. When our children were growing up we lived much further away from their grandparents and only had “bigger than nuclear family” Thanksgivings and/or Christmases a handful of times. So this is my family’s normal, right? Between the distance, the uncertainty of winter weather and overbooked holiday travel times, we have chosen to play it safe and stay home. It’s an expensive time to travel and not something in either of our budgets. To say nothing of the logistics involved – our two elderly dogs who can’t be boarded, a husband who doesn’t like to leave the house empty especially in the winter, their four girls, two cats, three piglets and 25 – I think – ducks. No easy answers here. For us, it is the right decision. But this morning, just for a little while, I found myself longing for the situation to be different. I know I have thought about it more in the last several years because of the community in which I live. Here, high school homecoming is a Big Deal and is more for the alumni than for the current students. People grow up here and, if they leave, they eventually come back. At my church, there are two, three and even four generations of families sitting together in the pews every week. My little nuclear family feels so small sometimes. A week or so has passed since I began this piece. Thanksgiving has come and gone, along with two ER visits (one with my son and one following a fall for me) and Christmas is staring me in the face. But at least at this moment, I am at peace with having only phone or Skype calls with the girls on Christmas. Each family is different. Sometimes each year is different. But all of those different choices are valid as long as they work for (most of) the people involved. Nothing ever says this is how it must always be. I hope you take time and enjoy this season, without being overwhelmed with your to-do list. I hope you find the right way to celebrate with your family that works for you.

Carol Burris is a wife, mother, grandmother, reader, quilter, knitter, breast cancer survivor, and volunteer. She unschooled two children and continues to unschool herself. She’s managing an impossible schedule with only the shopping almost done and nothing else prepared for Christmas!

 

Do You Talk to Your Partner Enough?

by | Dec 11, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Do you feel like you talk to your partner enough? 

I know from experience that when I don’t make time for my relationship with my hubby, everything goes to shit.  Literally and figuratively. 

I am not about to tell you what is going to work for you and your partner.  But I know from experience that when I don’t make time for my relationship with my hubby, everything goes to shit.  Literally and Figuratively.

And it can be so easy to just let things slide.  To not take turns sharing how your day went, to letting the kids needs and schedules come before your own.  To not go out on a date or ask for what you need or turn the TV off with enough time to spare to actually say hi to this person who is on this journey with you.

I have felt just as selfish asking for  time and money to go on a date with my spouse as I have felt about spending time and money on myself.  If you have signed up for my newsletter than you have read some of the creative ways my hubby and I have come up with to go on “dates” without actually having to leave our kids or get a babysitter.

Lately reading aloud a shared book at night has created a good connection between the two of us and is a great way to wind down and get ready to sleep.

But it is not easy.  It is not easy to keep showing up with our vulnerable heart in our hands and share.

Esther Perel has helped.  Brene Brown has helped more than she can imagine.  Friends have helped by watching our kids and letting us sneak away or being a safe ear when we have needed to work things out.

We had a wonderful marriage counselor in a time of crisis.  We have kept our parents out of our relationship by and large because that has worked for us.  We regularly make time to be just us.

But it is hard.  Sometimes I don’t want to have another uncomfortable conversation.  I don’t want to have to share how I am feeling, I just want to be pissed off, mad, etc.  I certainly don’t always want to be the first to apologize.

But I do.  We both do.  Because at the end of the day the kids will all have left home and it will just be us.  As we tell our daughters all the time about their relationships with each other, at the end of the day it will just be them and it will just be us and you have to make sure those relationships stay strong.  

Is this something we always have worked out?  Hell No. It’s like parenting, just when we think we have it figured out the rules change.  The situation change, we change. But would I want to take this ride with anyone else?

No.  Which is why my relationship with my partner comes first.  Right after my relationship with myself and right before my relationship with all of my girls.  

Do you feel like you talk to your partner enough?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.