Can It Really Be Done?

by | Aug 3, 2017 | Grounding, Parenting, Spirituality, Tips and Techniques

This week we conclude our 3-part series on spirituality with Nikki Starcat Shields of Feline Dreamers.  Nikki is going to lead us through ways to make our spiritual practice part of our everyday lives.  Read on to find out how!

We’ve been talking about daily spiritual practice and how it can help support your whirlwind life as a Mom, bringing calm into your center. Now that you understand the value of a practice, and how to overcome your resistance, it’s time to dig in.

 

But, you might say, can it really be done? How can I add one more thing to my daily life, when it’s already overflowing?

 

As I mentioned earlier, I know it can be done because I’ve done it. I’ve had a solid daily spiritual practice for 20 years – all through my kids’ lives. The kids were both homeschooled, and part of that time I was the breadwinner. I’ve practiced through travel, family crises, starting my own business, publishing four books, and stresses of various kinds. Through all the stages of parenting: the terrible twos, the soccer-practice-every-day-and-twice-on-weekends phase, and the angsty teen years.

 

My daily spiritual practice is the foundation that keeps me calm and joyful and allows me to handle life’s inevitable challenges.

 

There’s nothing different about me – other than making the commitment to my daily spiritual practice, and sticking to it. You can do it, too. I know you can.

 

Lack of time is probably the biggest obstacle to your practice. Let’s address that (very valid) concern.

 

As you establish a daily spiritual practice, you’ll find that you actually have more time in your daily life. You’ll become more productive. This time expansion is a result of better focus. You’ll waste less time fretting and succumbing to those cultural pressures to be perfect. Like Dr. Who’s big blue Tardis, your experience of time is “bigger on the inside.”

 

When you make time to get centered, your perceptions shift, and voila! – you get more done and feel better while doing it.

 

Here are some other thoughts on making time for your new practice:

 

  • If your kids are very young, you can include them in your practice. Take a nature walk with your baby in the sling or stroller. I recall my kids joining me as toddlers, sitting on my lap as I drew my Tarot cards each morning. Slightly older kids can listen to a short guided meditation with you as you wind down at the end of the day.
  • Make your daily spiritual practice serve a dual purpose. You need to walk the dog, so take a meditative walk each morning. Make your shower or bath time sacred, with candles and relaxing music. Think outside the box.
  • Get support from your partner or a close friend. They can take over the kid care while you practice. Or you can always do your practice when the little ones are napping or sleeping. Be flexible, yet committed to taking some sort of sacred pause each day.

 

Make your spiritual practice time non-negotiable, and your kids will soon get used to it.

 

As your kids grow, your practice will evolve. This is completely natural. The 30-minute meditation followed by journaling that I do now wouldn’t have been possible ten years ago. My practice then was shorter, yes, but was still a sacred pause that helped me get centered each day.

 

Even as a busy Mom and family CEO, you can craft a daily spiritual practice that fits your life – and supports it fully. Are you ready?

 

Nikki Starcat Shields is a Mom, published author, Reiki healer, and licensed priestess. She blogs at Starcat’s Corner and shares her callings at Feline Dreamers. Want to learn more about how to create a daily spiritual practice that works in your life? Check out her It’s Your Time video.

So Why Aren’t We Already Doing It?

by | Jul 27, 2017 | Grounding, Parenting, Spirituality, Tips and Techniques

This week we are continuing our 3 part series by the amazing Nikki Starcat Shields of Feline Dreamers about creating and maintaining your own personal spiritual practice.  This week in part two Nikki is delving into why we aren’t making regular time for a spiritual practice as moms.

Last week we talked about daily spiritual practice and why it’s essential for busy Moms. Knowing what we do about the benefits of having a sacred pause to refresh ourselves, why aren’t we already doing it on a regular basis?

There are several reasons for this.

The most basic is probably biology. We are hardwired to put the care of our children before pretty much anything else. Nope, it’s not just you. Even if we (or our partners) get resentful about it sometimes, the kids’ needs come first.

Another big reason is societal pressure. We are not just expected to be a Mom, but a Supermom. Everything must be perfect – from the state of your home to the clothes your kids wear to the activities they participate in. If you can’t achieve that perfection (and face it, no one really can), you feel guilty. You try harder. You fill every waking moment with your family’s needs and even lose sleep.

Add to that the fact that, even for non-parents, being busy is a badge of honor. Our culture sets us up to achieve more, consume more, do more. Advertising showcases all the areas where you’re just not up to par yet – so get going!

It’s exhausting, right?

Overcoming these reasons isn’t as hard as you’d think, though. I mean, this is the Mommy Rebellion, after all! Screw those stupid societal rules. You get to be a Mom on your terms and arrange your life as you wish. This is powerful work!

There’s no doubt about it – being a martyr sucks. Learning to say no thank you to cultural pressures – especially the ones you don’t care about in the first place – gives you space to thrive.

When you choose to take time for self-care, you are serving as a positive role model for other Moms (and Dads), your friends and extended family – and eventually, for your own kids. Win-win!

What about the biological imperative? When you establish the habit of daily spiritual practice, you’ll soon discover that you’re becoming an even kinder, more present Mom.

You’ll yell or snap less, understand your priorities better (isn’t a playground date more important than that next load of dishes?), and stay healthier. Once you see the results, you’ll embrace your practice as part of caring for your family (as well as yourself).

Being a caregiver is hard work. It only makes sense to support it with a solid foundation. You don’t need to wait for anyone else to give you what you need, either. A daily spiritual practice brings you reliable support – from within, on your own terms.

Let go of expectations and empower yourself by going within for a few minutes each day. You’ll be amazed at the positive changes you’ll see!

Next week, we’ll delve into carving out space and time in your life for your own daily spiritual practice. Stay tuned!

Nikki Starcat Shields is a Mom, published author, Reiki healer, and licensed priestess. She blogs at Starcat’s Corner and shares her callings at Feline Dreamers. Want to learn more about how to create a daily spiritual practice that works in your life? Check out her It’s Your Time video.

Daily Spiritual Practice is a Game-Changer

by | Jul 20, 2017 | Parenting, Spirituality, Tips and Techniques

This week we start the first of a 3 part series from Nikki Starcat Shields of Feline Dreamers about Spiritual Practices, and how they might just be able to help our parenting!

Daily Spiritual Practice is a Game-Changer

by Nikki Starcat Shields

You’ve heard the metaphors a zillion times: Put on your own oxygen mask first, before you help another. You need to fill your cup before you can pour authentically for another. But how often do you actually take this advice?

Having a daily spiritual practice can be a huge game-changer for busy mothers – and we’re pretty much all busy, by definition.

What do I mean by daily spiritual practice? First of all, a spiritual practice fits with any religious beliefs – or none at all. It simply involves connecting with something beyond your normal waking consciousness. You might see this force as the Universe, the Goddess, God, the cosmos, your intuition, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster (yes, that’s an actual thing, look it up).

Daily spiritual practice gives you a much-needed pause from your mind’s usual chatter; you know, all the mental to-do lists, worries, fears, planning, financial stress, and fretting over the past. It allows you to get centered in a part of yourself that can see a bigger picture and can help you tune in into love and joy.

The actual activity of daily spiritual practice isn’t limited to meditation, yoga, or mindfulness. The idea is to find “the zone,” the place where you are transported beyond your usual mode of consciousness. This can be accomplished in many different ways, depending on your preferences. You might find spiritual connection while swimming, sketching, praying, dancing, or gardening.

The main idea is to set aside some intentional time to pause, do something you find enjoyable, and let your attention be firmly on the present moment.

Why do Moms in particular need a daily spiritual practice?

Well, we’re the queens of multi-tasking, after all! We are often the family CEO and tour director as well as chauffeur, maid, chef, tutor, therapist, and oh yeah, some of us also work outside the home or as entrepreneurs. Phew! We probably need a pause in our incessant work more than most anyone.

Yet we are the least likely to gift ourselves with self-care, as everyone else’s needs always seem to come first.

Recent brain science supports the need for some form of meditation or regular mental pause in order to maintain optimal physical and emotional health. Without some form of spiritual practice (and there are many ways to accomplish this, as you’ve seen), you’ll eventually burn out. You’ll get sick or suffer some kind of breakdown – and where would that leave the family members who rely on you?

You’re probably thinking, daily spiritual practice sounds lovely, but I just literally don’t have the time. I want you to know that this spring I celebrated 20 years of doing a daily spiritual practice! Since my kids are now 21 and 18, this means I was able to make time every day, even when they were tiny, to do my practice. And if I can do it, you can, too!

Take time each day this week and add a spiritual practice that resonates with you.

Next week, we’ll look at some of the reasons we Moms tend not to take this sacred pause for ourselves, and how to get past these common blockages.

Nikki Starcat Shields is a Mom, published author, Reiki healer, and licensed priestess. She blogs at Starcat’s Corner and shares her callings at Feline Dreamers. Want to learn more about how to create a daily spiritual practice that works in your life? Check out her It’s Your Time video.

Pregnancy Kinda Sucks

by | Apr 27, 2017 | Parenting, Pregnancy, Truth-Telling

Please welcome Katie Gall to the Mommy Rebellion.  Katie is a soon to be Mommy and is sharing part of her pregnancy story with us today.

 

 

Growing up, I was given a very rose-tinted vision of pregnancy, as I think are many women. Morning sickness was something I was casually aware would happen, but all of the other negatives were sort of casually blown off with, “Oh, but when you hold your baby in your arms you just don’t care about all of that.”

Which is exactly what I heard one friend (who had never been pregnant – let’s call her Jane) trying to convince another friend of (also never been pregnant but getting married and in a tough situation where her fiancé wanted kids but she didn’t really – let’s call her Susan) when we were at dinner one night.

As a first time pregnant woman, I was LIVID at Jane and trying REALLY HARD not to show it and still productively stand up for Susan.

At the time, I was in my first trimester (now into my second at the time of writing this) and was fully entrenched in the morning sickness, sudden fatigue, bloating, and food aversion and all I could think was:

“Jane, you have no fucking idea what this is like or what you’re talking about.”

Because Susan and I have something in common – we really enjoy using our bodies to feel like free, strong, independent women. And something I have since learned? Pregnancy doesn’t care how you enjoy using your body.

I’m a Health, Wellness, & Empowerment coach for women. I’m also (non-career-wise) a runner, a yogi, a pretty good healthy chef, among many other things pertinent to being a healthy person overall. Prior to pregnancy, I understood my body and its needs down to the fuckin’ T. I was a well-oiled machine that understood my limits and how to push them in a safe and effective way to get the results I wanted. I wasn’t necessarily the fastest or the buffest, but I felt like I fully understood and could communicate with my body.

So when pregnancy happened most, if not all, of those things were taken away because of nausea, food aversion, insomnia, and fatigue.

This caused STRESS above all else. I didn’t feel productive because I had to nap, I couldn’t make myself feel productive because I couldn’t stand for long without getting nauseous or tired or have a random crying fit for literally no reason.

I lost control of my body and thus, my feeling of independence.

“Just calm down and you’ll get through it. It’s ok if you can’t be productive or exercise in the way that you want. Try some gentle yoga or go for a walk instead. That’ll reduce your stress.”

Actually, it won’t.

Because the way I de-stress is by doing those things that you are inherently NOT supposed to do as a pregnant person! I feel CALMER when I’m pushing myself to run faster and farther. I am PROUD when I can get myself into a more difficult yoga pose. I ENJOY skiing, rock climbing, hiking, etc. And I like that I know how to fuel these activities with the right foods.

Stop telling me to just “relax” and then watch me fail at that because all the ways I relax have been taken away.

So, here’s the realization I ended up getting to:

I don’t like being pregnant.

There. I said it. I’m the asshole now.

But the second I admitted that to myself, a change happened…

I calmed down. I’m more content. I’m better able to let myself break my health rules for the sake of just living with how my body is for a little bit.

Because here’s the thing – I DEFINITELY want to have a baby. No questions asked. I want to be a mom so badly! I realized when I was a teenager that I was definitely mom material and it was going to happen for me come hell or high water.

And with that comes the assumption that I WANT to be pregnant.

Part of being a healthy, happy human is being able to communicate with yourself and your body clearly enough that you can identify your wants, needs, likes, and dislikes. And I was blatantly ignoring all of those because of an incorrect, ingrained belief that I WANTED to be pregnant. I mean, it seems like wanting a baby and wanting to be pregnant should go hand in hand right?

But they don’t. At least, not for all women. Wanting to have a child and wanting to be pregnant are two mutually exclusive things.

I liked my body the way it was. I worked hard to be able to communicate and understand its needs and wants for years and I am proud of that work. That work has enabled me to do things I never thought I would physically, mentally, and emotionally, AND make a career out of it.

And to have that all taken away? Even if it’s for a good cause? That’s hard. And it’s, frankly, demeaning to say to a pregnant woman, “Well, just calm down and enjoy it.”

Nope. Shut up and here’s my middle finger at you sir or ma’am.

I wish I had heard a different story. From anybody. This isn’t just something that family life taught me, this is something that was everywhere. I was lucky enough to have a WHOLE LOT of Sex Ed in my life (like… actual education… not just experience.) Pregnancy was always talked about in the positive if it was a wanted pregnancy between two people who love each other, and in the clinical (note: NOT negative) if it was an unwanted pregnancy. The negative always came AFTER the fact, during the actual parenting/responsibility for another human life.

I wish it wasn’t taboo to speak about wanted pregnancy as something that can still be difficult and not so fun. When I am talking to my kids about sex later in life, I’m going to try very hard not to say, “Don’t have sex too young,” and, “Pregnancy is a wonderful miracle of life,” in the same breath. I would rather my kids know that this is a commitment and a responsibility in and of itself, not just once baby is born.

So I guess the point is this: It’s ok to feel like your body is suddenly taken over by an alien. It’s ok to not quite know what your body needs and do your best in the given circumstances. It’s ok to be able to only survive on Nilla Wafers for the day (that’s A LOT of wafers) because everything else makes you want to puke. It’s ok to admit that you don’t enjoy this time of life because you feel so physically inhibited.

And that doesn’t make you a bad person, woman, mother-to-be, partner, or anything else. It just makes you human and aware of your body.

We could all practice listening to our bodies a little bit more.

Katie Gall is a women’s Health, Wellness, and Empowerment coach. 

She guides women toward discovering their inner warrior woman through goal setting, health and nutrition information and accountability, and facilitating an emotional connection between our bodies and our lives.  Find her at www.keepingitrealkatie.com

What’s Possible When You Stop Reacting and Start Responding

by | Apr 12, 2017 | Breathing, Grounding, Parenting, Tips and Techniques

Please welcome Laura Thompson Brady, Ph.D of the Nourished Home as she shares this video about how to Stop Reacting and Start Responding!  I can’t wait to try out some of these techniques in my life, I might even have to get one of those bowls!

Please let Laura and I know in the comments below how this speaks to you!

In case you missed it in the video, Laura was so generous to leave you all a gift.

Awakened Woman: Return to your truth, feel at home in your bones, and find the freedom to show up in your fullness so you can live, love, and lead with joy, confidence, and grace.
 
A Sound Healing & Guided Meditation with Laura Thompson Brady Ph.D.​

 

The Truth about Forever – Mothering a Special Needs Child

The Truth about Forever – Mothering a Special Needs Child

by | Apr 10, 2017 | Parenting, Special Needs

“I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

This refrains follows the growth of a child in Robert Munsch’s book Love you Forever.

We watch the son grow from a baby to an adult while at each stage of development his mom confirms her forever kind of love. At the end of the book, the adult son comes and gives the same message to his dying mom and then carries on the tradition with his own child.

And that’s the way it is supposed to be.  Of course we will love our children forever.

But forever takes on a whole new meaning when you have a child with special needs.

It is every parent’s expectation that your children will one day grow up and leave home and your role as a parent will not end but it will change.  But for some of us, we know fairly early in the game that is not likely to happen.

“Special needs” is a huge basket category covering a wide range of issues and difficulties and I’m not going to go into that here.  Some special needs kids will be able to make their own way in the world, working, living on their own, marrying and raising their own families.   But some will not; and of those some families choose to keep them at home rather than send them to group homes or other facilities.

No judgments here.  Nothing is right or wrong.  Each family makes the best decisions they can for their family.  I’m only writing about my own experience.  Our son is able to make his own way in the world on some things but not on everything.  Independent living for him would not be living; it would just be existing.  We have chosen to have him continue to live with us.

So for some of us, as our friends are downsizing and planning for retirement trips, life goes on very much as it has for years.  Smaller car, nope.  We can’t do that as we have a full sized adult who still rides in the backseat.  Smaller house with less to clean and maintain?  Not really.  Fortunately he is able to help with some of that maintenance with supervision.

But what will happen when we aren’t here for him?  How can we plan for that?  The laws have changed and you can no longer establish a special needs trust, or so our attorney told us.  If he ever needs government assistance, he can’t inherit any assets from us or lose his assistance.  How can we prepare to care for him, to “love him forever?”  I wish I had some answers.

Forever is a very long time.

Carol Burris is a wife, mother, grandmother, reader, quilter, knitter, and volunteer.  She unschooled two children and continues to unschool herself.  She occasionally blogs at http://www.carolburris.com/life_with_nin/ about life, crafting, and her recent breast cancer diagnosis.