Kids get just as excited about unpacking as we grown ups do. Which means completely mixed feelings, at times joyful to have things out of their boxes and instead up on their walls and shelves, at other times really not wanting to look at one more box ever again, what do you mean I still have to unpack it?

We get to have all the feels, which includes the frustration of having the unpacking seem to take much longer than we would like it too. And for me, this hasn’t been one of those sessions where I can just spend all day, everyday unpacking until I get it all done. Because life still needs to go on and I took my time off for the actual moving from one house to the other and at this point we all need to start falling into a routine again, which means I need to get my writing and work done in the morning while I still have energy and it is still quiet and cool around here, and so unpacking happens later.

And inevitably it doesn’t seem like I have gotten enough done. For some reason that I really can’t wrap my head around we seem to be short a bookcase in the number of books I still have in boxes versus the three shelves I have to still fill (and since the clips to attach the shelves to the bookcase have gone for a walk, it makes things even more interesting). We have a friend holding another bookcase for us, ostensibly for the girl’s picture books, etc, which will help, but it would also be nice if that two dozen or so boxes that are usually super easy to unpack and get out of our way, were actually out of our way.

Then there is the building of things. Like we normally have our flat screen TV up on our wall, so it stays safe and also because who needs it taking up furniture. We haven’t taken the time to install it up on the wall yet. Partially because we haven’t located the stud finder yet, and also because the time we would have to install it (it takes both of us) is the same time we want to spend actually using it.

And then there are the racks and pieces of furniture we took apart and now have to figure out where all the pieces are. It is usually not the legs per say as it is the bolts, pegs, and clips. For instance, I have my round table in two pieces and it takes about five minutes to put together but I don’t know where the bolts that secure the two pieces are.

That kind of stuff. We spent part of Sunday in the kitchen building a couple of racks to hold dishes and veggies, and it doesn’t look like we did much, because things are still cluttered and on the floor, but we did actually create some pretty important storage to be able to start to put things away.

My mom is coming in a couple of weeks and my goal is to get the main living areas done by that point and then while she is here and able to entertain my children I can redo a closet each day and get those set up well. But right now things are just getting put into closets to get them out of the way while we continue to unpack and organize.

At least the laundry monster is starting to come under control. But I also need to set up an area in the basement for the out of season out of size clothes. And of course, that hasn’t happened yet. We did spend some time in the basement over the weekend when it was really hot and that was helpful too and is allowing us to bring the rest of the stuff from the yard into the basement, but it still isn’t something you see all the time.

I had a friend come to help yesterday and we were able to organize and uncover two rooms in the two hours she was able to help me. I am hoping to convince some more friends to come over and hang out and help us figure out where to hang our photographs and art because I know that will help it feel like home in an even deeper level.

I am also aware that it is going to be a work in progress for a while. There is wallpaper throughout most of the house and we are going to want to work on taking it down and painting most of the rooms over time.

As well as it just takes a while to figure out the flow of things and how things really work and then move things around.

There are pieces of furniture we do not yet own and that need to be acquired to make the cozy reading and talking nooks we still want to make. There is stuff in the yard that still needs to be set up for future gardens, hops and of course duck land.

In and amongst all that, it is still summer and we need to find the local swimming holes and places to hang out in the shade, attend library summer reading program activities, and do some actual reading. Eventually my sewing machine will get fixed (still looking for the power cord) and then there are lots of little projects that need to get made for the new house as well, fresh potholders, eventually new curtains, etc.

Everyone has always told me that when you own your own house the honey do list is never-ending and that there is always something that needs to be done. But I think the part that a lot of people have been missing, that seems super important to how my hubby and I feel is, this feels like a labor of love. Getting to choose and adjust things because it is our house. Making a list of the maintenance as well as the upgrades we want to do and knowing that we are taking care of our shelter, just feels different than having to wait until landlord’s do or don’t fix things.

Or at least that is how it feels to me.

Hot.

It is so hot here in rural Maine, and it’s early this year, it isn’t even the 4^th of July yet and it is so hot. Which means that we are all cranky, irritable and it is even harder to use our nice voices to each other.

Yet we must use our nice voices, at least part of the time. We need to speak with kindness and understand that the others are just as tired as we are.

I announced last night that I at least am running siesta hours starting today. Well it probably won’t start until tomorrow because I have a friend coming to help me unpack part of the house today around 11 am so depending on how long she stays.

Anyway my kids are in a bit of a revolt. I explained that the idea was that you get up early in the morning (not that I am waking them to get up early mind you, but I am getting up early) and you get things done for a while, and then around the hottest part of the day, you lay down and read, or sleep or just color and hang out until the hottest part of the day passes, and then you get up and do more things, and you stay up later at night than you usually do (as we have had no luck getting the kids to even think about going to sleep before full dark this past week anyway). That siesta time in the middle of the day is how you keep from burning out and how you get rid of some of the cranky irritable stuff.

We will see. Like I said I am not sure it is going to work today, but you better believe I am making this happen on the 4^th. Especially since we are planning on getting up super early to go pick strawberries, we will need that lie down afterward.

So far the biggest complaint I have heard is that they couldn’t possibly go to sleep during the hottest part of the day because they can’t go to sleep at night as it is. Which isn’t totally true. As soon as they convince themselves to just wear big oversized t-shirts, to put a wet washcloth (or flannel as my mother in law calls it) on their head and stop fussing they fall straight to sleep.

I figure the absolute worse case is that I will let them watch tv while I have my lie down in the middle of the day and I’ll keep the rest of the tv view away from them. But I really like the idea of them lying down and listening to audiobooks, or coloring or reading books or otherwise having time alone and separated from everyone else.

I think that may be the only way we survive this first summer more inland where I don’t know where any of the local swimming holes are yet, (though they are allowed to spend as much time in the sprinkle as they want now that we are on a well) and where I still feel like unpacking and organizing is a higher priority than most of anything else, outside of getting my work done.

They are of course completely over the whole idea of having to do any more unpacking, moving or hauling stuff up and down stairs as we find things. We still have more things out in our yard and driveway than I would like, and I am hoping to convince them to haul some of it down into the basement today, because after all it is pretty cool down there.

I think I will hold the popsicles and ice cream cones ransom for some help. That seems fair right? You get all hot and sweaty doing some heavy lifting and then you get a nice cold thing to put in your mouth and cool down with.

Thank goodness we have a dishwasher because it is way too hot for anyone to want to do the dishes, though I do have some pans I am going to need to do soon. Also I think I should make some pasta salad today and keep it in the fridge. That way when people get hungry or don’t like enough of dinner, or whatever they can have something cold to eat.

I suggested it at dinner last night and the kids thought I was crazy. I think maybe I haven’t done this in the past before so they don’t know what they are missing. Maybe I should do some potato salad too. I have an instant pot so I don’t even need to make the whole kitchen hot boiling potatoes.

Of course we are also seriously looking into getting a grill. Our new house actually has a special carve out on the deck just off the kitchen to hold a grill. We have a charcoal one, but a gas one seems so much simplier and faster for average dinner cooking. My hubby is actually looking at one of those combination ones that does propane, charcoal and has a smoker attachment. I just like the idea of cooking outside. Grilled veggies sounds so good.

Well my first kiddo has gotten up so I should get the rest of my work done. Hopefully this siesta thing will work. Having lived in Europe in the summer where no one has AC I really think it’s the only way to get through the summer. And to remember what it feels like when you are just trying to get through the winter later right?

The kids whine either way. I keep trying to tell them you can’t control the weather so don’t let the weather control your mood.

Fourteen years ago I was wrestling with how to nurse this newborn baby.

Now this baby is up to my nose (I’m not short, I’m 5’10”), and he hasn’t had his final growth spurt yet.

We live in New York City. He takes the subway. By himself. He knows where to exit and how to head in the right direction. I remember trying to make a note of where we lived and what were landmarks around it. I would make him lead the way home. Today, he went to an IHOB (formerly the International House of Pancakes (IHOP)) that we have actually never been to together. He knew where it was and how to get there!!

He decides how he will spend his time. He sets up time to spend with friends and they decide where and what to do. Sometimes it’s IHOB, sometimes, it’s hanging out at someone’s place (ours included) and playing Fortnight or Overwatch, sometimes it’s outside playing soccer. Yesterday he went to Uncommons and played board games with his friends!

Yes, he likes doing track and field, but he wants to lay off the USATF track meets next year while he gets used to a shift in his schedule as he does 9th grade. He no longer wants to do the long jump. And he made the JV soccer team. He knows when he starts practice, he knows where practice is, and he knows how to get there . . . By himself . . . In NYC.

I say all of this because it’s clear that I am entering a new phase of parenting. And like the rest, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know how to stay close enough to him so I’m clear about what he’s doing in his life and if he really is alright. I have a sense of all of his friends, but I’m not close enough to them to hear what they’re talking about all the time. He’s clearly texting about stuff, I just don’t completely know WHAT stuff.

I don’t want to have quizzersations. That’s no fun. But he doesn’t talk to me as much now. And then there are times where he has everything to say. At least I can stalk him with our iPhones . . . 😕

And it doesn’t mean I don’t require things of him. No more cooking while on your iPad. No more leaving your shit all over the kitchen after you cook (and he does cook!). You will write your political representatives about issues that concern you, and we will go to this March to Keep Families Together.

I think the kids will be alright.

And I think I have a lot to learn.

And I have a lot to learn about how to learn it.

Michelle Dionne Thompson, Ph.D., JD is the Founder and CEO of Michelle Dionne Thompson Coaching and Consulting, a primarily coaching business that works with women in law and academia to set and meet aligned goals sanely in the midst of insane industries. A recovering lawyer and a historian, she also teaches college and is writing her first book, Jamaica’s Accompong Maroons (1838 – 1905): Retooled Resistance for Continued Existence.