There are so many things to prepare for when having a baby. I’m not super worried about the physical items. We still have a car seat that works, friends have given me cloth diapers, and clothes, and we still have basic beginner toys. I still have my breast pump and things like that. I think other than the home birth kit, high chair and a couple of nipples to turn canning jars into the few baby bottles I will need, we are all set to go.

No it’s the other things that I have to prepare for that take up my mind.

Preparing my business for being less hands on not only after the baby is born, but for the last month or so while waiting for the baby. I am planning on starting my baby moon when I take off for Christmas/Yule holidays and just going from there since baby is due at the end of January. So asking for help, making strategic plans, thinking about what I want to have available in case I want to do it during this drawing in period.

These are the musings of my pregnant mind.

These are the things I want to focus on as I am in my second trimester (which is so misnamed as it’s the longest of the trimesters and more than 3 months) while I still have a bit more energy than I had in the first or historically I will have in the 3rd.

I am finishing up partially done quilting projects. Because I know there will be a point when leaning forward to use the sewing machine will no longer be comfortable. I try to work on that a little most days.

I am also thinking about the family impact of having a new baby. You never know what personality you are going to get. I also know from experience that the personality of the newborn does not necessarily relate to the toddler or even childhood personality.

I have had newborns that were great sleepers, and ones that were up every two hours, or just didn’t really sleep at all. I have had babes who have hated teething and one that suddenly at just about 4 months had her first tooth erupt.

I don’t know who I am getting. I don’t know how my other four children will feel. I know that regression is normal, but could take 6 months before it shows up and it could be completely sideways. My third born will be a year older than my eldest was when our fourth was born. I will have 3 kids older than I have ever had while introducing a newborn and I don’t know what that will be like.

I know that I will have more ready arms to hold this small one. I should in theory have more opportunities to shower and use the bathroom alone since I will have a 13 and 11 year old who can hold their little sister. They might be better at sharing their feelings with me. Or they might not.

I am not too worried about my hubby. He knows from experience that he will be second fiddle for the first couple of years with a new one, that mum is their most important person. But he also knows he’s the best burper and he loves nothing more than holding a sleeping small one. I know he is looking forward to coming home from work and snuggling our newest one.

There are going to be six new relationships that get to be forged this winter, as we will each have a new relationship with this newest one. Having lots of time at home, just getting to know each other is important. But I know I will also need to talk to other adults, and get breaks and remember what it is like to be more than just a milk machine.

These are the musings of my brain lately. In between trying to figure out what to eat next and when I can next go to sleep or at least shut my eyes for a while. These are the things that pop up in my brain when I am driving or falling asleep.

These are the musings of the second trimester.

PS. Want to read more musings? Take a peep at my Mommy Rebellion Book HERE.

Am I the only one that hates waistbands when I am pregnant?

I mean to be honest I hate clothes full stop when I am pregnant

I don’t love them when I am not pregnant, I relish naked time in bed

But when I am pregnant and my belly is expanding

For the small person growing inside

Waistbands drive me

INSANE

No matter where they hit, under my boobs

Down at my hips

Or near my belly button

By the end of the day I want to rip them out

Of my clothes and do something cathartic

Like burn them

They are so annoying!!!

So where does that leave me?

Some dresses work

Though as I am in the middle of my second trimester

I find that even empire waist lines are driving me nuts

And a lot of other styles of dresses without any waist line

Makes me feel like I’m wearing a tent

Or the dreaded Mumu

And don’t even get me started on bras

I only wear those if I have to leave the house

And I care what someone else might think

Of bouncing nursed four children

And am prepping for the fifth child

Breasts look like

Or I know I am going to get super sweaty

Because under boob sweat is a thing

I am only half way done with this pregnancy

I still have such a long way to go

And getting dressed every morning

Feels like such a godawful show and chore

I am not wearing my “normal” clothes

I am wearing colors and styles

That I do not normally wear

Because I am thankful for the clothes

That friends have sent my way

Because I am not buying new for such a short period of time

But oh for the love of all things holy

I may not survive another 20 weeks of waistbands!!!

PS.

Read more stories from the Parenthood trenches in my Mommy Rebellion Book. Check it out HERE.

It is so nice not to be the only parent in the house again.  It was really nice to have a week and a half off after my husband made it safely back from India.  We did not get a lot done beyond putting 8 of our meat birds in the freezer and celebrating a daughter’s birthday.  Just reconnecting was really what needed to happen.

 Hubby is back at work this week and then we have the three day weekend thanks to Labor Day.  Some of the schools have started back up locally and some are starting on Tuesday. My Facebook feed is covered in first day back at school photos which make me cringe.  Because we homeschool, because it seems like a stupid reason to take a photo, because so many of the kiddos are smiling because they have to not because they want too… because it’s like Mother’s Day and I wonder how many Maine kids realize how lucky they are not to have to wear uniforms.

 We are slowly getting used to a new schedule.  I have been working on reading practice with my girls and we will bring in Math and other subjects in a few weeks after we have settled into our routines again.  

 Girl Scouts starts up again in about two weeks and that will feel a lot like the start of fall in our house.  The start of needing to be someplace on time on a regular basis. The start of really needing to think ahead in terms of dinner as we get home late at least one of those nights.  

 I usually try to get up before my kids.  But being pregnant this fall and knowing one of the few guaranteed times I can sleep most days is between 5 am and 9 am I am not getting up early unless I need too.  Which means less alone time for me in the morning, but also more energy later in the day because I actually got some sleep.

 I am really looking forward to soup season in a few months as that makes dinner prep so much easier.     

 Hubby and I can feel our youngest squiggling around in there, but she is still too small for her sisters to really feel her yet.  I am sure that will change in the next month or so as she makes herself known to more of the family. She’s been opinionated since the start, at least for me.

 I always feel a great sense of drawing in when I am pregnant.  It is also not a process I really enjoy, even though I have healthy daughters at the end of it.  I just don’t enjoy very much of the process. I know I may look glowy and other women seem to think I should be happy or excited, but honestly I am just trying to figure out how to make it to the next meal and/or chance to sleep.  That’s really most of my goals these days other than maybe listening to my audiobook and doing some sewing. I’m pretty boring when I am pregnant.

 It’s also super hard to predict what next year this time will be like.  Because I really don’t know what personality is coming to join us in January.  So much of parenting is unpredictable and even more so for those first 3 years.  So far newborns have been pretty easy for us. But that doesn’t mean this time around it will be.  I am grateful that my 3rd child will be a year older than my eldest was the last time we had a newborn so I should have more arms to hold this child and my kids already do more chores than what they could do last time around.

 I am looking forward to winter squash being ready at the farmers markets.  I am looking forward to making soup with whatever is in my fridge and having it taste yummy.  My kids like whole eggs dropped into the soup and it is an easy way to add more protein to all those yummy veggies.

 I am looking forward to having a fairly slow fall outside of the normal Girl Scouts/Midwife and holiday schedule.  We have a few more home improvement projects to get done before winter, but we still have a few months before the first snowfall.  Depending on climate change of course.

 How are you settling into a new schedule?

PS. To read more from Chase and to feel like you are not alone on your parenting journey, check out The Mommy Rebellion book.

I am trying to write a blog post this morning.  But my 5 ½ year old has other ideas. She is sitting next to me on my bed playing my Sims game on my cell phone.  And talking. And talking. And snuggling up next to me, and tapping me on the arm to ask me more questions and do more talking.

I love her.  In her fleecy Elsa zippy pajamas even though it is August and like 70 degrees outside.  If I am honest she needs a bath. And someone (like her big sister) to get rid of the birds nest in her hair.

 She hasn’t had breakfast yet.  I don’t think she has even gone downstairs.  She is just happy playing on my phone, talking and snuggling.

 I know that someday they grow out of this.  I haven’t seen it happen yet. My almost 13 year old likes to lie on my bed and also play my Sims.  Sometimes she talks, but often she just wants to hang, and take up most of my bed for hours if she can get away with it.  Which is fine as long as she doesn’t mind if I fall asleep. Because being pregnant falling asleep is my default.

 My almost 11 year old doesn’t hang out quite as much, but that is mainly just her personality.  She has always been my most self-sufficient child and there have been points in my parenting journey where I have only seen her when she has been upset.  I have had to stop and think about how many hours it has been since I last saw her to remember that she really isn’t upset all the time. She is just happy getting into her own stuff and doesn’t need to be by my side constantly.

 My 7 ½ year old is in a sewing obsession.  Today she is working on quilting her first quilt by hand, it’s doll size (and if you follow me on Instagram you can see it) and she’s had a few issues.  She is also still in her pajamas and I doubt she’s had breakfast yet, she just woke up had a bit of a snuggle and then is off to do more sewing. Girl after my own heart.

 This is what my life looks like right now.  My youngest is busy growing inside me and in that sense is probably my easiest to look after right now.  Though she is pretty picky about what I eat and how often I eat (ALL the time please!!!) but her kicks are still pretty soft, though that will be changing as she grows.

 I am writing this right before my hubby comes back from India (because we are taking a week and a half off after he gets back and I am not going to be blogging then) and I am curious to see how much of this snuggling continues or if he will become the new favorite couch.  I kinda hope they do hang out with him for a while so I can get some breathing space. As much as the smallest one gives me any.  

 These are the moments that make up life.  These are the moments that we may not remember in the future but do absolutely make up the foundations of our life and what our kids will remember in their bodies and souls even if their minds don’t choose to remember this particular day.  

 This is life.

The Tuesday before my hubby left for India (he left on a Saturday) I took a pregnancy test and of course it came back positive.  As always he was over the moon and I was just relieved to know that my ongoing nausea was not a sign of insanity or illness.

But I was also not really impressed with the timing.  This is my fifth pregnancy and historically the first trimester is hard for me.  I always get all day morning sickness and without my partner to be home to cook for me at weird times and hours and not to get upset if I then couldn’t eat said food, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive.

Also it has been six years since I was last pregnant.  So I am almost completely in a different body. A body that remembers giving natural birth four times before, three of which were at home.  A body that grows strong baby girls (my smallest was 8 pounds 1 ounce) and while I am miserable my babies are always healthy and perfect.

 Also we tend not to share this exciting news with many people until after the first trimester.  I had to share with my close girlfriends and my eldest daughter because I knew I was going to need support.  My 7 year old couldn’t sleep one night and ended up reading the word baby over my shoulder. So she was sworn to secrecy for about a week.  

 These days technology has changed a lot since I was first pregnant 13 years ago.  And being 39 this time around checking out the number of chromosomes this baby had was important to us.  There are screening tests you can get at 10 weeks now that are just a blood draw and can look at fetal blood and count chromosomes.  Which means you can also find out if there is a Y chromosome or not.

 This being the 5th time we are over surprises and assumed we were having a girl anyway.  And true enough the test came back and girl number 5 is due in January.

 To say it has been a hard summer is an understatement.  To say that a lot of my plans have been derailed from what I was originally thinking is also true.  I had originally thought I might paint the kids bedrooms and do a bunch of other stuff and besides taking the kids to the lake, and seeing friends regularly so I can get a wee bit of a break, this summer for me has mainly been about survival.  Sleeping when I can, eating when I can, not puking and just trying to keep everyone alive (Minus one dead duck, meat chicken and turkey I have managed).  

 We haven’t even announced the news on Facebook yet, though now that my hubby is home we will probably do that soon.  I feel huge because once you’ve had one baby your body is super excited to expand almost instantly so by the time it’s number 5 well I feel like I look far more pregnant than I actually am.  Of course my perception is probably off.

 Hubby missed the worst of this pregnancy and has come home in time to start feeling her move around and all the fun of second and third trimester.  I have survived. And we will be raising one more girl soon. Now to come up with three more girl names, we have already used 12 as each of my girls have two middle names.

How has your summer been?

We have been waiting for days

Days

And Days

And Days

It’s not quite as exciting as Christmas

Or maybe it is if you start counting at say

Halloween

It has been such a long haul

Your youngest has gotten

So angry with you that you have been gone

For so long that she doesn’t think

You are actually coming home

I have had to deal with weepy nights

That weren’t just my own

And tired eyes as no one is sleeping quite

As well as they do when you are home

An unforeseen complication

I miss your cooking

And being able to say, hey can you be

In charge of the kids for a while

I am tired of negotiating all my

Time away with the almost teenager

And not being able to leave at night

I miss your smile which is not quite

The same one a video call

When you are halfway across the world

I miss holding you when you’re sick

When I am sick

Or when I’ve just had a bad dream

We miss you

I miss you

There is a new kitten to meet when you get home

And things to fix and repair

And cuddles to share

And movies and tv shows I have been saving up

To watch with you

While I show silly old movies to the kids

I miss having your back up at meals

And temper tantrums

And hormonal explosions

I miss having you hang out with our friends

And I know you will be home really soon

But each day still feels like a marathon

Each day closer earned like a new scar

While the days tick down to single digits

Yet you still feel so far

Far away

Be safe my love

Travel home safely

We are waiting to pick you up

Sooner rather than later.