Preparing for the Fourth Trimester

by | Dec 10, 2019 | Parenting

You have heard about the concept of the fourth trimester, right?  The time from your little one’s birthday until they are 3 months old.  

What would you put on your wish list if you were preparing for your fourth trimester?  What haven’t I thought of? What do you wish you had? 

 

You have heard about the concept of the fourth trimester, right?  The time from your little one’s birthday until they are 3 months old.  It is such a vulnerable, emotional, crazy time.  

 

My memories are usually of milk leaking everywhere, baby bodily fluids everywhere, feeling like I would never stop bleeding, cozy snuggles, isolation, helping the rest of my family connect with this new soul.  And constant nursing. And often the boredom that entails. And wondering when I will get to sleep again.

 

I rely on photos that are taken during that fourth trimester to really remember what life is like then, it tends to just become a wash for me.  Much like I forget most of the discomfort of being pregnant until I am pregnant again and then the memories come flooding back with each new sensation.

 

But this time the fourth trimester falls in the middle of winter here in Maine.  When we tend to be full of cabin fever and unsettled emotions anyway. Last year was exceptionally hard because we got snow early and often so by the time February rolled around it felt like it should be April and we still had a lot of Winter left. So I am really thinking about what my and my family’s mental health is going to be like.  

 

Here are some things I am doing to prepare for my Winter 4th trimester:

 

  • Setting up a schedule and then inviting non-local friends to sign up for virtual coffee date calls on Zoom starting in January (even though she is not due until the 23rd) so I can talk to an adult even if it’s remotely.

  • Asking local friends to be willing to pick me and the baby up to go drive to a coffee shop and just get out of the house.

  • Making sure my hubby has all the supplies he needs to dry out, grind up, and put my placenta in pills, I know some people find this gross but we have done it before and it makes a huge difference in my postpartum period and helps keep my hormones from going too crazy.

  • I already have postpartum vitamins.

  • I am going to put up a shelf to look at while I am hanging out in bed for that first week and I am asking each of my daughters to add something pretty to it.

  • I am filling my library with audiobooks which I am hoping will help with the nursing boredom.

  • I am planning on listening to each of my kids read to me while cozening up with the baby.

  • I love the idea of a 4th trimester Advent Calendar and have asked some friends for some new cozy wool socks and good chocolate instead of bottles and cute outfits

  • I am going to make sure I have several boxes of mother’s milk tea and other favorite teas in the house as my girls are great at making me cups of tea in my silicone to-go cup.

  • I will be cleaning up our room so it doesn’t feel cluttered and hopefully as peaceful as possible, I am working on it a little each day to keep from feeling overwhelmed.

  • I am thinking about asking Hubby to put some shelves above the hope chest where we plan to change the little one (when not just doing it on the bed, because let’s face it we all get lazy) so we can keep spare clothes, diapers, etc up above and in vertical space.

  • I will accept all offers of people to take my older kids anywhere and get them out of the house or come play with them.

  • My mother will be here both before and after birth so she can help make sure the girls keep up on their chores and have an adult dedicated to them.

  • I want to ask some dad friends to check in with Hubby periodically and see how he is doing, and possibly take him away from some brewery tours or something so he gets some adult time outside of work as well.

  • Christmas cards are also going to be baby announcements/Valentine cards this year so I will have those addressed and an easy way to her details once she is here.

 

I am sure there are some things I am missing.  I am sure there are some things I don’t realize I need that I will.  

I am not too worried about meals and food as we have four capable people in the house who can cook and my mom is coming as well.  We have most of a pig in the freezer as well as chickens and we will have at least part of a turkey. Lots of squash and root veggies as well so that should all be good.  My 13 and 11 year olds are really good at taking directions on how to cook so even if I can’t get out of a chair and go to the kitchen, meals can still happen and get done.  I am sure some of my friends will bring us meals as well.

What would you put on your wish list if you were preparing for your fourth trimester?  What haven’t I thought of? What do you wish you had? Let me know as I still have time to add to mine 🙂   

PS. Stay up to date on all things new baby by joining our Mommy Rebellion Newsletter HERE.  

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

All The Feels (Empathic Children)

by | Dec 3, 2019 | Parenting

I have four and a half empathic children.

This was not something I bargained for when I started a family. This was not something anyone talked about or I found in any of the parenting books I read.

But I found my tribe and tools to leverage being an empath.

I have four and a half empathic children.

 My husband and I are empathic, which means that sometimes we have a lot of emotions bouncing around my house and sometimes we can very easily get into a never-ending feedback loop of feeding off of each other.  This was not something I bargained for when I started a family. This was not something anyone talked about or I found in any of the parenting books I read. Sure I learned all about attachment parenting from Dr. Sears but no one really talked about what to do with all the big emotions kids have, and what to do when sometimes those emotions were not even their own.

 

Looking back I am sure that my eldest was picking up stuff that wasn’t her own.  Hubby and I used to joke about how we would take her for walks in the mall and she would turn on ovaries wherever we went.  Which might be a cute superpower rather than an empathic one.

 

But once our second daughter came along there were certainly times when they would feed off of each other emotionally and those were often pretty tough parenting moments for my hubby and me.  I think we chalked it up to toddler behavior and how that often does not make any sense to an adult mind.

 

By the time number 3 and 4 came along (they are only 20 months apart) the amount of empathic reactions shot up.  Girls would be crying because other girls were crying and I would be running triage just trying to figure out what was going on and keep my emotions in check and it was really hard.  And frustrating. Yes, you want your kids to feel for other people, it keeps them from being quite so nasty to each other, but on the other hand, this often felt out of control.

 

It wasn’t until I joined an out of the box business coaching program and met some of her other clients and heard people talk about being empaths that it started making more sense.  I started understanding what was going on, and learning the other kinds of empaths there were (not just how I react) so that I could start seeing how everyone in my family is empathic in different ways.  

 

I started saying things like, “I know your sister is super sad right now because of such and such but those are her feelings, you don’t need to try and feel them for her.”

 “Or wow, she is having a big reaction to this thing, and that can be really hard to deal with or sit with right?”

 

I started just trying to hold a safe space for my daughters to process their emotions  Not telling them to stop crying or to calm down unless it was an unsafe situation to be being that emotive.  I started learning about the Emotional Freedom Technique and how I can tap not only for my reactions to their reactions but I could actually tap for them and help process some of their emotions.  I try to encourage them to tap with me, which only goes so far these days but it is a great tool to have in my back pocket.

 

I am curious to see how it is going to go with this fifth daughter of mine, knowing that I have different tools and concepts in my toolbox this time around.  And being able to know that her emotions are not a reflection of me, and sometimes she is just picking up on the general state of things rather than her own personal distress.  It will be interesting because you never know the personality you are getting And who they are as a newborn is not always who they will be as a toddler and then a young child. I really feel like it takes to about 5 before I really get a solid sense of who they are going to be.

For more information on Empaths, I would recommend checking out my friend Jennifer Moore at modernmedicinelady.com/ and on social media – Facebook, Instagram
Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Grateful for…

by | Nov 26, 2019 | Parenting

It’s the week of Thanksgiving here in the States so for most Americans this is a time to gather with family, friends and feast. What does gratitude mean to you and how do you share that with your family?
 

It’s the week of Thanksgiving here in the States, so of course, everyone is talking about gratitude.  What they are thankful for, how to teach gratitude to their children, prepping for the commercial barrage that has already started for Christmas (am I the only one who has been seeing tonnes of pre- Black Friday sales since Halloween?).

 

Yes we should stop and think about what we are thankful for.  And without going into the whole politics of Thanksgiving and how the mythos of the first thanksgiving is probably wrong, for most Americans this is a time to gather with family, friends, and feast.

 

I have a friend who hates Thanksgiving because she always ends up spending it with family, cooking most of it and she just doesn’t feel supported.  We are nowhere near our family (the closest is in Ohio the rest in New Zealand or Australia) so we have always taken turns getting together with different friends on Thanksgiving Day and ending the day with desserts and tabletop games into the wee hours.

 

Last year on the way home from Thanksgiving my 5 year old needed to pee and there was no place to stop.  We offered hanging her butt out the window as there was snow on the ground but she was uninterested in that solution.  At the last minute, I remembered that we were going by the hospital and they are always open. Sure enough, I think we made the ER’s night when I walked in with four girls and all we wanted was to use their bathroom.  The nurse made a big deal to my younger ones that the hospital is always there for the bathroom if they ever need it. It is great to have a non-painfilled memory of one of our local hospitals.

 

I have talked in previous posts about our gratitude tree and how we have in the past talked about one thing we are grateful for before eating our dinner.  We have fallen off doing that lately as life has felt chaotic and we are just happy to have dinner on the table. I should probably start it up again.

 

I have done gratitude lists myself off and on over the last few years.  I can’t say it’s a practice I keep constantly. But I do think about it constantly.  I do take deep breaths and sink into the moment and appreciate it for what it is. I just don’t always get it written down.  I am always grateful for cups of coffee, cuddle time with our three cats and this growing wiggly baby inside. I am grateful for heat in the winter and cool breezes in the summer and the pig in our freezer.  I am grateful for family and friends and the relationships my children are building in the world. I am grateful for having food to eat. This is not just true on Thanksgiving or in the month of November. This is always true.  And I do my best to think about it a lot. The other day I was thankful for rain instead of snow. I am thankful for the reusable choices we have made so that we are not always having to buy something for that solution. I am grateful for small things like subscription boxes of feminine products for my girls and being able to buy toilet paper in bulk because if I had to remember these things on my own we would never have it.

 

What about you?  Do you just remember to talk about gratitude this time of year or is it something you try to always incorporate into your life? What does gratitude mean to you and how do you share that with your family?

PS. Read more Brutal Honesty about Motherhood and Other Sh*t We Pretend We Love HERE.
Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

The (r)EVOLUTION of Becoming a Mama

by | Nov 21, 2019 | Parenting

Sarah Spiegel Dunn joins us for her continued telling of her Motherhood journey.                                                                                                                             
“It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my body. It was all about this tiny being and getting him safely to the world. I had no thought for anything else except his SURVIVAL.                                                     
Then a powerful and amazing thing began to happen for me in the first weeks of being a new mama.”
It was two weeks before my due date, and I found myself at Target close to closing time, hunting for the perfect night gown to wear during labor. A “labor outfit” was something on so many of the “what to pack for the hospital” lists, and it seemed really important to me in those last weeks of me time as I waited for my son’s arrival. As I hemmed and hawed over the right one, another pregnant mama who looked equally as pregnant as I appeared, and as we connected and realized how close our due dates were, she shared that she too was searching for a labor outfit.  Flash forward THREE weeks later to the hospital on day three of my induction (baby boy was pretty cozy in there) and the labor outfit was tucked away in my hospital bag, completely forgotten. I had been wearing a robe and a nursing bra for most of the labor, but when it came close to pushing time and my doula asked me, “do you want to get naked so you can be skin to skin when he arrives?” I said yes without hesitation. Thus I found myself totally naked (as so many mamas who had gone before told me I probably would be), entirely unconcerned with anyone around me and focused only on the task at hand.  There was no time for modesty. I pushed and breathed and counted and did all the things, and eventually held my son for the first time still completely naked in a room full of hospital staff.  The point of sharing this somewhat long story about being in my birthday suit for my son’s birth day? Boundaries FLY out the window in the event of creating and welcoming life. At least they did for me.  It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my body. It was all about this tiny being and getting him safely to the world. I had no thought for anything else except his SURVIVAL.  That theme, which started there in labor, was a thread that snuck its way into the moments, hours, days after labor, into the months after labor.  My brain started to focus on protecting this tiny new human at all costs. It was instinctual and shocked me with its intensity.  Hours later, still numb from my epidural and not able to walk, we hosted our first guests in our hospital room. I found myself smiling and making small talk and passing this new being around, but also exhausted and wanting alone time and wanting to soak in those first moments with my son. And all the worries snuck in.  Was he ok? Did he need to eat? Was he warm enough?  Did he feel safe? And could someone just please hand my son back to me!!?  This was the first time post partum, I would allow a boundary of mine to be crossed without speaking up for myself. And although there would be several more instances like this one in the first weeks of my son’s life, these would also be some of the last times I would let someone else set the rules for what I was comfortable with.  Once we left the hospital, I felt myself fading into the background as loved ones excitedly came to meet our new arrival. They were excited to see me, but could they hold the baby? I needed to nurse, but could I just do it there or wait a little while longer so they could hang out with the baby? They knew I was tired, but could they just stay and visit a bit longer?  After a few weeks (or days that felt like weeks) of observing these shifts around me, I felt a change within me. How could others give me what I needed if I never shared what it was? If I never established the boundary? I couldn’t expect them to magically know what felt comfortable and uncomfortable.  A powerful and amazing thing began to happen for me in the first weeks of being a new mama. A ferocity, a direct-ness, and a power emerged that I had never felt before and that I didn’t know I was even capable of.  Years of struggling to say what I needed, years of me working on speaking up and “living my truth” as a friend so often reminded me, melted away, because now it wasn’t just about me. It was also about my son.  It’s evolutionary: the need to protect and put the child first. The need to be close. The literal strings we may feel those first times we are separated.A new identity as a mama bear started to emerge. And it felt awesome.  And I began to wonder:  with all of that emotion; all of this love and protectiveness and fierceness, how do I stay me?   How DO we as mothers stay true to ourselves and our passions and not LOSE that spark that was so easy to hold before becoming a parent? Not lose ourselves entirely in the new role of fierce mama while also still embracing it?  And how do we do that when it’s a societal norm to also push the parent to the background a bit and focus so much on the child?  For me, finding time that is MY time has been so important. It’s finding 20 minutes to exercise (which started out as a way to reclaim my body but has become a huge source of calm and sanity to me!). It’s finding time to meditate for two minutes. It’s finding time to SHOWER. Yes, last week I realized I only got a shower in two days out of seven. (sorry not sorry.) But getting showered and dressed before my partner heads off to work makes me feel like a HUMAN being.  Getting sweaty for twenty minutes a day helps me clear the fog of my brain and see things a bit more clearly.  These moments were harder to come by at first, and it took some serious effort to stay consistent in creating space and time for me. The early days postpartum of finding mama solo time may be literally three minutes and then running back in the nursery to scoop up a crying baby. Eventually it may be ten minutes. Eventually naps (MIGHT) happen and it could be twenty.  I am learning the constant evolution of being a mama and still being me. The two are connected. They will continue to shift and grow. I am a mama. And I am who I was before I became one. Other dear mama friends and I are constantly in the conversation of boundary setting, learning when we fail to do so, and then circling back to try again. Just when we think we’ve got it, the baby or child changes, we change, the circumstances change, and we find something new to work through. We are in it together. And it doesn’t have to be perfect. That’s the evolution of it all.   
Sarah Spiegel Dunn has had a long time love of building and supporting community and enjoys creating connection and transformation for individuals and groups through classes, workshops, transformational retreats, and trainings both locally and internationally. She loves the process of mentoring other yoga teachers through her one on one programs and supporting them in growing their own businesses and following their dreams. In 2016, Sarah quit her 9-5 job to open Samudra Studio in Saco, which she has grown into a thriving community since then. Samudra will open its second location later this winter in downtown Biddeford. Sarah gave birth to her son, Walden, last Valentines day and has enjoyed the journey into motherhood and learning to navigate being both a thriving, successful business owner and dedicated mama. When she’s not teaching yoga or spending time with her sweet family, you’ll catch her at the beach with her fur babies.

NO-vember Parenting Style

by | Nov 19, 2019 | Parenting

Do you like this idea of No-vember? I’m loving it ! For me, it sounds like a really healthy way to walk into the super hectic holiday season and maybe really think about what things you do want to invite into your holiday celebrations.
 

I do not normally get on social media bandwagons.  I tend to be just too outside the norm for them to really work for me.  But this year when I so the No-vember memes I thought they were great!

No-vember a time to say no to the things you don’t want to do.  That sounds like a really healthy way to walk into the super hectic holiday season and maybe really think about what things you do want to invite into your holiday celebrations.  Saying no to social events you don’t want to go too. Say no to gift exchanges you don’t want to be a part of. Whatever feels right to you.

But then I got to thinking about what it’s like to say No as a parent.  My hubby when we first started our parenting journey together tended to have the default of saying no to every request.  Then sometimes he would think about it and come back and change his mind and turn it into a yes. I tend to be more of a “why not” parent or at least a “let me think about how we can make this work” kind of parent.

Example – this weekend my 6 year old came to me asking if she could paint.  Now my house is currently in a small state of chaos as we do some home repairs so the idea of paint everywhere was not my idea of fun.  Also, I had no idea what paint she was talking about, even though she insisted she got it for Christmas. So instead of just saying no (which let’s be honest is what my pregnant state wanted me to do), I asked her to show me her paint.  Which turned out to be washable crayola paint. I then asked if she would be willing to paint outside on the porch. She and my almost 8 year old agreed and off they went to paint happily for quite a while. I just had to provide a jar with water for brush cleaning.

So that is what I try to do most of the time.  But I still say no to a lot of things. Only one piece of Halloween candy a day and after today it’s pretty much gone.  Only limited media time. You have to do your chores before said media time, etc.

And this year there has been a lot of no, Santa can’t actually get you that.  Not because of a financial issue so much as, you don’t need more of things you already have.  No one is getting legos this year, we have a baby entering our life again a month after Christmas.  My elders are doing better with their requests. My almost 8 year old still wants to add things even though I have explained that it’s past Halloween and Santa has his list.  She still wants to adjust things.

I feel like I still say no a lot.  And most of the time it’s a good thing.  Limits help kids feel safe, help families stay connected, and help us all not fall into constant sickness.  Limits also help kids learn negotiation skills, something they will continually need throughout their lives.  

I just try not to say no reactively.  I try to have my no’s be reasonable or thought out.  Not just I’m irritated that this is the fourth time someone has interrupted me in the past half hour.  I am not perfect. I have bad days too. But I try to be aware of how often I am saying no.

What about you?  Do you like this idea of No-vember?  Or do you think it’s just another silly fad?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

And this is why I don’t cook dinner…

by | Nov 14, 2019 | Parenting

Jannine Gaudet is back with us!!

She says – “There is a reason why I don’t really cook that much but I decided that one night when  my husband was on a business and I was on my own with the kids, that this would be the best time to try something new.”

Here is how the night went…

 

 

There is a reason why I don’t really cook that much.

I have a beautiful love affair with my crockpot/instant pot. But an actual read a recipe, prepare ingredients, and produce a wholesome meal with all sorts of sides? Ummmm…not so much.

You think as a most of the time stay at home mom I would be Martha Stewerting it up all over the place. But I am seriously hopeless at cooking, it causes me serious anxiety.

My husband is WAY better at it and actually ENJOYS it (he is a nerd and a weirdo, what can I say). So most of our meals come from him.

Here comes an example of why I am a bit of a mess in the kitchen and why I do not have dinner on the table waiting when my husband comes home from work.

I once tried to make a tea that helps with getting rid of a cold. I decided that one night when my husband was on a business and I was on my own with the kids, that this would be the best time to try something new.

So the recipe is as follows, and it was given to me by a friend, who makes it ALL THE TIME, with no problems:

Ingredients:
2 cinnamon sticks
Half a lemon of juice
6-8 half dollar slices of fresh ginger root
2-4 tbsp honey
Dash of nutmeg
Dash of cayenne (optional)
Pot of water (8 cups)

Directions:
Add all ingredients to a pot on the stove and simmer for 30-45 minutes.

Looks simple right, RIGHT? YOU WOULD THINK SO!!!!

Here, however, is how the Jannine version of this night went…

-First I did a complete search of my house. Ok, so I really just stared at the spice rack for 10 minutes. That’s when I realized I didn’t own any of these ingredients fresh and I would have to use dried ones…ok..fine..I can roll with that.

– My husband had left on a business trip for 5 days and I had to use the stove. That may not mean much to some of you, but the stove and I don’t always get along. So this was a big deal.

– I gathered what spices I COULD find and improvised, which in my world means, I ran around frantically in my kitchen until I found what I could you, ,and then I spilled everything on myself..sneezing commences for a bit.

– I put in the cinnamon, ginger, and a dash (which turns into a cloud) of cayenne, lemon (which I did not have so I used lime..cause, hey citrus).

– I turned on the gas stove without setting my eyebrows on fire, stirred the spices into the water, and made a rue.. I bet you didn’t think I knew what that was, but I do! Just in case YOU don’t know that that is, it is a base for sauce..I think.

– After trying to put 8 cups of water into a pan, I discovered the pan was way too small for 8 cups of water. Then I spilled most of it on the stove, looked around to clean it up, and figure water will evaporate, so I left it. I managed to find a bigger pot, poured in the water and the rue, and proceed to let it boil.

– My cat tried to lick up the spices that were on the floor and realized that he doesn’t like ginger. So he ran around to his water bowl as fast as he could..while nearly tripping me on his way

-At that point, the whole ordeal was becoming comical so I decided to write some of it down to share later. Because, I was obviously going to forget, mom brain.

-I got a text message..phone was upstairs..went to get the phone..husband had landed safely..nice.

-Went back down, realized I had forgotten to add honey to the mixture. I had a huge jar of it and the cap came loose while I was pouring it in. So, a couple of teaspoons became a flood of honey…I was fine with that, it is medicinal…

– I got another text message (I swear I am not this popular when I am doing nothing.)..phone was still upstairs. I went to get the phone trying not to wake up children that weren’t really sleeping. They were just waiting for me to get comfortable so that they could cry that they missed their dad.

-I answered the text message, sat down again, realized that I had forgotten yet another ingredient (oh screw YOU nutmeg). I didn’t have nutmeg..but I did have PUMPKIN PIE SPICE!..next best thing…I added a touch (again pouring it all over me) to the mixture, and put it on the back burner to simmer…

-The house smelled amazing. I may have created something that tasted like sweaty gym socks, but at least it SMELLED like walking in a forest in the fall. While the potion was bubbling I started to tidy up (read, hide stuff in closets).

-I chased the cat off the counter where he was trying to eat through plastic to get at a loaf of bread.

-Contemplated murdering cat but he is really cute, so I decided to keep him…for now.

-Stored the chewed on bread in the microwave and waited another 10 mins for my Sweaty Gym Sock tea to steep.

At this point my kitchen looks like a pound of rainbow cocaine exploded all over and I am not planning on cleaning it. In fact, I contemplated adding a healthy drop of alcohol to the tea, cause that’s medicinal too.

What I did was, finish making the tea and then enjoyed a nice cup in the dark, ignoring my kids ad they were telling me they missed their dad, that they are thirsty and they need to go potty.

And that is why I don’t cook dinner..

Jannine Gaudet is a wife, mom of two magical girls, collector of 3 cats, and a Massage Therapist.

When she is not running around being a dance mom, you can find her trying to learn to tap or belly dance, learning about aromatherapy and herbalism, and being one of the biggest Harry Potter fans around.

If you are in the Maine area, please check out her Massage FaceBook Page or her Instagram (@jspaz1) of her crazy life.

I Am Ready For Hibernation

by | Nov 12, 2019 | Parenting

I am not feeling great today.

I mean, I am pregnant so feeling great is usually out of the picture for me anyway.

Is it time to hibernate?

 I am not feeling great today.

I mean I am pregnant so feeling great is usually out of the picture for me anyway. I know it’s hard to believe since this is my fifth time being pregnant but I don’t enjoy the process. I enjoy the baby on the other side (toddlers, on the other hand, are something to just live through) but I don’t enjoy what it takes to grow a baby for 9 months.

She’s a pretty kicky one these days too, which is great and exactly what she is supposed to be doing, but I never get any alone time.  EVER because I am always “with child”.

I am tired today.  I know part of that is that instead of helping us go to sleep last night, our personal time ended up waking both of us up. I suspect hubby is pretty tired today too. We needed that time and connection though so I have no regrets, but it would have been nice to be able to have fallen asleep afterward.

I did spend like an hour and a half in bed reading this morning with my youngest looking at a graphic novel on the other side of me, which was great because she wasn’t talking to me and that felt good but ever since I sat up I have had a lovely sinus headache and a drippy nose and I am just tired you know?

I need to make one small errand today to get some produce and vote and return a package to the post office.
And I will need to sit while my eldest works through her reading program and does a half-hour of typing.  I have no idea what dinner is going to be. Hopefully, the produce will give me some inspiration.

I would love to just lie down again and read some more of my book.

It looks like snow outside. It isn’t snowing because we are in the 40’s ad not the 30’s but it looks like it. There is a crow in the bare trees outside my window. It looks cold.

I am having constant hot flashes though. I keep having to take my sweaters on and off. All this extra blood is making me run hot and probably part of the reason I am constantly hungry that and the baby putting on at least ½ pound a week now. I am grateful I don’t have a scale but every time I get up she feels heavier! I feel heavier and I need to check my center of gravity.

So yeah today I am not feeling so well. But tomorrow I see my midwife (who will assure me that all of this is in fact normal) and we have kids over to play with my kids, and I plan to just take the day off.  The sun is supposed to be out so I can send everyone outside for some much needed sunshine. Also, thanks to the time change the days seem shorter and the nights are getting colder and…

I am ready for hibernation.

 

PS. Stay up to date with all the latest Mommy Rebellion news by signing up for our newsletter HERE.

 

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Here’s the Thing: When You’re Pregnant, Your Head is Spinning with so Many Things

by | Nov 7, 2019 | Parenting

Sarah Spiegel Dunn joins us for Part 1 of her Motherhood journey.

She discusses how she hopes to shift the pregnancy conversation from being focused on physical changes to questions and cheerleading for deep support. 

When I first found out that I was pregnant, it felt like such a great little secret between my husband and I.

Part of me couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone close to me – (and in fact over coffee on the day I first took the test I couldn’t help but whisper it to a friend who had known me since my husband and I first met.) The other part of me, however; knew it was something special to just my partner and I, and that once the word got out, that information would no longer belong to just the two of us.

This was an instinctual feeling: that this news, this magic, this delight, right now, was ours. I could sense that with sharing the news it would suddenly belong to others too; that their excitement would mix with ours, but also all the advice, the opinions, the worries. The attention.

I also had a lot of anxiety with my pregnancy. We really hadn’t tried very long at all (which I know is SO lucky and not the case for so many) and all around me I had close friends trying for long amounts of time, having to go to extreme measures to get pregnant. I had many friends who had devastatingly lost their babies in the first trimester, and others in later trimesters, and so I was trying to keep my expectations low and was counting every single day that passed and that my baby grew as a WIN. I was terrified something would happen and agonized over all the things I could be doing to keep that growing baby safe.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief after we hit month three, got a little more relaxed when we saw our first ultrasound, and finally by the third trimester I felt like I was able to relax and enjoy the process. (There was still a constant nagging always in the back of my mind, as is, I am learning, a part of being a parent!)

With all of that worry going on in the background, I found myself wanting lots of support and comfort during this turbulent time but not quite knowing how to ask for it. I did get comfort and support as I shared my news, but a strange thing also happened when I told people that I was pregnant. It really did STOP being about me.

I heard a variety of reactions, from the thrill and excitement and elation for me and my husband friends and family felt. But I also heard a lot of negativity: I heard reactions about how my career would be over and “how in the world will you still teach yoga”? I heard that I should enjoy my time to myself and at my studio while I could, because that would surely end! I heard comments about how my life was now over, and I heard strange loaded comments about “mom life.”

In our modern age, I feel like it is now pretty common best practice that in general we do not openly comment on other peoples’ bodies. Can you imagine, just walking into a room on a regular day, to a bunch of people saying, “Wow your belly is looking big today!”

Suddenly, each time they saw me, friends, accquaintences and strangers, began to remark about my body.

Often it was MEANT as a compliment, but in the comments I felt the pre-pregnant me disappearing as all focus shifted to the outward display of my growing baby. “Look at your cute belly!”; “Spin around so I can see you belly.” Or worse, in the middle of a yoga class, “Wow I just want to grab that belly.” And, “Can I rub your belly?”

Why is it, that when a woman gets pregnant, we feel like her body becomes something to openly discuss in front of her, as if she isn’t even there?

I know I have made these comments myself (until I became pregnant myself and experienced it.) I think in the absence of knowing what to say to a pregnant woman we say, “Wow, you look GREAT!” And, hey, that can be nice to hear. But what if she doesn’t feel great? What if her feet are aching and her sciatica is killing her and she feels like she is spilling out of her high rise maternity leggings?

We also all handle pregnancy differently physically. Every baby is different. Every body is different. Every pregnancy is different.

I was blessed to be pregnant at the same time as several other friends, and one time, standing side by side with a friend who was due just a few weeks ahead of of me, an acquaintance said, “Ok, let’s see who is BIGGER.” And further along in my pregnancy when I was feeling my most AWKWARD in my skin, I heard a couple comments like, “Wow, not due for another two months?! You are HUGE!”

This is not meant to shame the people who are trying to be kind or find the words to say to be supportive of the pregnant mama.

But here’s the thing: when you’re pregnant, your head is spinning with so many things.

What does this mean for me?
Who will I be once I am a mom?
Will I lose myself?
Am I still me after I have a baby?
My pants don’t fit.
My body is changing.
My body is UNCOMFORTABLE.
My bras don’t fit.
How much weight am I gaining? Too little? Too much?
Is my baby healthy?
Will I ever lose this weight?
Will I ever feel like my old self again?
I have to deliver this thing?!

Each visit to the doctor (which are many and often and get more and more so as things go along) starts with a step on the scale to monitor the baby growing healthily. Weight is a constant conversation as the pregnancy moves along.

For many of us as women, that SCALE is a challenge.

Have you seen that scene in Mean Girls where the girls all stand in front of the mirror and comment on something about their bodies they want to change? YEAH.

We are living in an age where the attention on our physical appearance is so prevalent and it takes effort and energy to shift our focus away fro that. It takes practice and attention.

Suddenly with pregnancy, weight and body image becomes so front and center. We are MEANT to gain weight for the healthy of the baby. And yet it becomes a very PUBLIC conversation. (I remember feeling horrified when a friend gifted me a pair of pants about ten sizes too big for me because she said I would be needing them!) Is my body really going to change THAT much in this short nine months? (Maybe yes. Maybe no!)

I don’t know the answer to how we learn to love up the mama to be without focusing quite so much on her changing body.

Maybe if more women shared their experience of how it feels to have so much attention on your body, more people would begin to understand. I certainly didn’t understand that before I was pregnant. I thought, “you look great” is what you are automatically supposed to say.

Don’t get me wrong; if I look great you can tell me! But perhaps we can shift the conversation to, “Is there anything you need?”. “How are you feeling today?” “You’re doing a great job. “You’ve got THIS!”

Once the baby is born, the mama fades even further into the background (More on this on part two of my guest blog!). So even more reason to keep her front and center and the attention on her as an individual instead of allowing her to begin to feel that she is merely a vessel carrying around a baby.

I am so lucky to have the most incredible friends and family and so blessed that I did have a really healthy pregnancy where I felt good for most of it. Even with that, I felt vulnerable and on display and anxious and uncomfortable at times. We never know what’s happening in someone’s mind. This isn’t to say we should be afraid of what we say to our friends and family who are mama’s to be. This is just a little reminder to consider how it may feel to be in their shoes, and we can begin to shift our conversations away from the physical and towards a loving, supportive approach focusing on HER.

Maybe we ask her – what would feel most supportive to you right now? It starts with us!

 

Sarah Spiegel Dunn has had a long time love of building and supporting community and enjoys creating connection and transformation for individuals and groups through classes, workshops, transformational retreats, and trainings both locally and internationally. She loves the process of mentoring other yoga teachers through her one on one programs and supporting them in growing their own businesses and following their dreams.

In 2016, Sarah quit her 9-5 job to open Samudra Studio in Saco, which she has grown into a thriving community since then. Samudra will open its second location later this winter in downtown Biddeford.

Sarah gave birth to her son, Walden, last Valentines day and has enjoyed the journey into motherhood and learning to navigate being both a thriving, successful business owner and dedicated mama. When she’s not teaching yoga or spending time with her sweet family, you’ll catch her at the beach with her fur babies.

 

 

Don’t Judge Me, This is How We Holiday.

by | Nov 5, 2019 | Parenting

I need to sit down with the girls and ask what experiences they want this holiday season because it’s that time of year again where everything feels like a stage.

It’s that time of year again where everything feels like a stage.  And our social event calendar can get pretty full, pretty quickly. There are upcoming holiday parties, both at schools, scout groups, friends, work parties, etc. There are shopping trips to be done and gifts to be bought from wherever you want to buy things.

There is so much pressure to buy things this time of year. With my inbox being daily inundated with sales, and it can be really hard to stick to my list.  For me it starts on the first Saturday of November when one of our local towns has an early bird sale, where if you get up and get to town before 6 am (because believe me you can’t find parking at 6 am) and dress in your pajamas and find sales from 40 to 20% off.  For the last two years, I have had a very small window to do this shopping as there has been another event I needed to be at by 9:30 about 80 miles away. So I have to look from a list, make decisions quickly and do my best to stay in my budget.

Some years I have done most of my Christmas shopping on that day (it all depends on what the girls want and if I can get it locally at a good price) but mainly I stock up a lot of our pantry.  Reny’s, Maine’s local department store goes 20% off and it’s a great time to stock up on Stash tea, coconut flakes, maple syrup and more. Last year I got my first pair of snow boots since 2001 because it’s hard to find them at 20% off.

My kids have to put their list into Santa by Halloween, so I usually have most of the Christmas list built by about then. It makes it easier to find deals and to use gift cards and coupons to get things on sale when you have a few months to do it in.  It also means I am more likely to stick to my list and this year I am hoping to have it all done by the first week in December and to do a lot of it online.  Which doesn’t mean I don’t want to support the local people, I do where I can, but some stuff especially when it needs to be a secret is just easier to order online.

However, I feel like everything from Black Friday to New Years is buy, buy, buy, buy.  And it gets so tiring. Even when I just delete emails without opening them, refuse to watch ads and try not to go anywhere besides to get groceries.  It still feels like a lot and onslot.  

And even once we make it to Christmas Eve everyone is showing photos of Santa having come, as if we need a lot of social pats on the back that we did our job as parents.  I try to avoid social media on Christmas because I find it hard to see all the presents everyone got and to not just feel icky. It’s not that I don’t want to wish everyone a happy Yule and Christmas and New Year and whatever else you are celebrating, but I don’t need to see the material goods you shelled out for your family.

I have overdone Christmas in the past when we finally had a bit more money to spend and it didn’t make my kids any happier.  I have already warned everyone that Christmas is quiet this year. Family friends are getting homemade jams and preserves, as well as Scout Leaders, etc. because that is what I have time for and could make ahead and most of the girls helped out in one way or the other. I bought games for our close family friends months ago and they are just waiting to be wrapped.

Which is another thing I hate – wrapping paper. The years that we have had a wood stove at least we could burn them afterward, but honestly, they seem like a waste.  Years ago Santa announced he was no longer wrapping presents, you know what you asked for so you can find it under the tree on Christmas morning.  My mother has made gift bags out of holiday fabrics for years and I have made some reusable labels as well that we just pin on to the appropriate bag each year.

My girls love wrapping gifts for each other, I think that is their favorite thing to do while waiting for Christmas/Yule.  I think they love wrapping paper more, but I like getting to reuse the bags every year. Every year I say I am going to make some more, and usually, it doesn’t happen.  We will see what happens this year.  

I need to sit down with the girls and ask what experiences they want this holiday season. We already have Candy Cane making at a local candy store scheduled and a Victorian Train Ride that is free to be scheduled later this weekend when tickets become available. I can’t do a lot this year, but it is helpful to know if they want to do gingerbread houses with friends again or not.

Okay, this has been a rambling post from a 3rd-trimester mummy.  But these are the things I am thinking about this beginning of November.  How to have a good holiday season but also not get super tired while having it.  What are your goals this holiday season?

PS. Hear more REAL motherhood stories in my Mommy Rebellion, check it out HERE.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Autumn Habits for a Healthy Year

by | Oct 31, 2019 | Parenting

We are so excited to share Amara Wagner with you!!!

She discusses why Autumn is a critical time to establish health for the rest of the year and walks us through her valuable tips!

Amara Wagner is a speaker and coach who empowers moms to trust their intuition and guides them, with practical tools, to raise naturally healthy families. Her private and group coaching programs help moms navigate holistic parenting with a sense of humor and without dogma. She specializes in helping holistic-minded mamas parent from an intuitive place, without sacrificing their own health. Amara provides a unique, down-to-earth approach to moms who want to feel confident using whole foods and ancient remedies to support their family’s health.

To learn more about Amara and her programs, please visit www.amarawellness.com or www.fiercelyintuitivemamas.com.