Crafting for Sanity

by | Aug 21, 2018 | Grounding, Parenting, Self-Care

I don’t know how you stay sane with your kids, but this is one of my ways….

I love to craft. It’s not something everyone does or understands, just like from the outside most people think that having four children is a handful. I think they call the terms maker these days, I like to make things with my hands for the pure joy of making something. Not just for the feel of making but I usually like the end result as well.

I grew up with makers, at least on the female side of my family, both of my grandmothers were always making some kind of handwork, as well as my mother and sometimes my aunts. I had to spend a lot of time in waiting rooms growing up because my brother was at therapy appointments and in those days before cell phones and tablets and everyone having the internet in their homes there wasn’t as much to do, especially since I didn’t enjoy reading until I was 11 or 12.

So I learned to craft. Starting with cross-stitch and plastic canvas and eventually learning crocheting, knitting, and sewing along the way making my first skirt at 10. This has continued throughout my life, including the 4 years I worked at a fabric store. I love to craft.

These days I am usually found sewing, (either hand or with my machine, we currently have four sewing machines in the house not counting the serger), knitting or crocheting. This remains my happy place and was the first place I had to find again after having kids.

I had to make time to craft again first as I came out of having all my little kids. I am sure I did things in and among having them, but I never really prioritized it. Now I do. There are a couple of things I need to do every day to stay sane, regardless of being a mother, or a wife, these are just basic to my way of seeing, experiencing and processing the world.

One of those things is making something, or rather working on whatever project currently calls me. And just like books I usually have more than one on the go. I am currently in the middle of knitting two sweaters, one is very simple and straightforward and the other one is complicated and so they both serve different needs and parts of my brain and time.

I also have several quilts and other sewing projects in process. Unfortunately, the power plug for my preferred sewing machine got separated from it during the move and I haven’t found it yet so it hasn’t been able to be taken to the shop to get tuned up and have its tension fixed. This is, of course, putting me under some tension and I will need to fix that soon. Being in a new house there are a lot of small sewing projects I want to do, like pot holders, curtains and the like.

I am super lucky that my husband is also a maker. He makes different kind of things like woodworking, brewing beer and painting tiny metal miniatures, but just like me, he needs to do these things to process and experience his world. Which means that we have a respect for each other’s work and are able to come to agreements on budget, and creating time for both of us to meet these needs. While I don’t always understand his craft and he doesn’t always understand mine, I respect that it needs to happen and needs the time and space for it to happen as well.

Crafting with kids can be hard. I don’t just mean crafting around kids, because we won’t talk about how many times my kids have caused me to drop stitches or gotten into what I was working on. Plus my crafts don’t tend to be done in a single sitting so they do have to have a place to exist while they are being worked on. Especially the handwork projects.

I mean that creating the space for kids to start crafting can be hard. I love taking my kids to programs where they get to do arts and crafts and I don’t have to do any of the setup or clean up. I love watching my kids explore their world through learning new things and playing with materials without any preconceived notions or thoughts that it has to be done or look a certain way.

That being said it is hard to have their craft supplies everywhere. It is hard to have to sweep up the glitter, the sequins, the scraps of paper from all over the house. Slime is currently banned from our house because of clean up issues. There was a while where I refused to make homemade play dough because of all the places I kept finding it.

I know it is important to share these things with my kids. And I do try. But it is also important for me to have my own stuff and for them to respect it. I am happy to help you learn how to embroider or do that thing, but please, please stay out of my yarn and fabric.

I mean unless you really, really want to see mom lose her shit in an epic way. You will stay out of my craft stuff. That and my books and you may live to adulthood 😉

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Notes From the Other Side: Life with Adult Kids

by | Aug 16, 2018 | Parenting, Tips and Techniques, Truth-Telling

Today Nikki Starcat Shields joins us from her “empty nest” to report how it feels so far.

This year I’ve entered a new phase of parenting, often known as the “empty nest.” I’m here to report back on how it feels so far.

Truthfully, it’s a mixed bag. I’m incredibly proud of these two wonderful beings who have graced our lives – and more than a bit heartbroken that they no longer need me in the same ways they once did.

Teacher and author Elizabeth Stone wrote, “making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” For me, this statement has become even more relevant since my two kids have become adults and moved out on their own.

In my daughter’s case, she’s now living more than 2,000 miles away from home. That’s so far!

My son lives 30 minutes away, and we see him at least weekly – but it’s still very different.

I miss them both like crazy.

At the same time, I cherish my newfound freedom, an abundance of time, and even the financial relief of no longer supporting them. My home stays cleaner, too. Go figure!

When you’re in the thick of parenting young kids, you often feel like a break, some time away from their intense needs would be delightful. You might fantasize about taking a solo vacation, a romantic getaway with your partner, or even a trip to a work-related conference. You may even get the opportunity to take these sacred reset breaks at times.

You might not imagine ever missing your kids once you don’t see them every day.

Or maybe you can’t picture not being with them all the time, and feel like you won’t know what on Earth to do with yourself once they move out.

Neither of these tells the whole story.

My tentative foray into being an empty nester, or as a friend calls it, a “free bird,” has shown me that, like most things in life, there are ups and downs.

I love visiting with my adult kids, whether in person or online, and catching up on their daily lives. I enjoy being more in charge of my own time than I’ve been for many years.

I miss their impromptu hugs and even the once-dreaded question, “what’s for dinner, Mom?”

I’m thankful that they do still need me, whether for advice on “adulting,” a pep talk, or an extra hug or two. I was profoundly moved when my daughter broke down into tears at the end of her summer visit here. She loves her new life out west but was still finding it hard to leave after two fun-filled weeks with us at her childhood home.

Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ll always be a parent, even when the active phase of caring for their daily needs is finished. Your heart will always be with them, out there exploring the world with these blessings you helped to create.

Nikki Starcat Shields is Mom to two grown unschoolers, a published author, a book midwife, and a licensed priestess. She blogs at Starcat’s Corner. Do you have a book idea that’s yearning to be shared with the world? Check out Starcat’s free “Get That Book Out of Your Head” virtual week.

Misty Mornings

by | Aug 14, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

How does the weather affect your kids? Do you like Misty Mornings?

I like the misty mornings.

The way the fog is starting to cling in the fields behind our property. The way it is darker in the mornings so my kids are less interested in waking up early.

I like how puffy our long haired cat is getting out in the humidity that clings to everything. I like how bouncy my only really curly haired child gets in this weather.

I don’t care for the boob sweat. For feeling like sweat just clings to me and doesn’t go away. I don’t care for the fact that I still haven’t set up a light in my office yet, I really do need to get on that soon.

I prefer the mist and fog to burn off by 10 am so my kids will have plenty of time to go outside and play. That it isn’t always a rainy day. We need rain so having it sometimes be a rainy day is good, but a constant string of days soon gets tiring on my ears and my kids ability to speak nicely to each other.

It is still pretty warm, just misty and the air is heavy rather than it being cold and miserable or just plain hot. Perfect cup of tea and a good book or an audiobook and something to knit or sew weather. Not good hanging the clothes outside weather. Not that we have hung a clothes line yet anyway. Soon we will get there soon, or do it next spring one or the other.

This should be a quiet week, there are are only two events outside the house for library programs. We may go camping with friends overnight Saturday providing we can find someone willing to put our ducks to bed and let them out again in the morning. If the weather gets better I might set up some play dates. Or I might not. Having a quiet week at home can feel good too.

I am still working on unpacking and organizing, just not at the feverish pace of before. And in chunks rather than trying to get a whole room done in a day. Now it’s about maintaining and reminding the kids that they still have to sweep and put away dishes and clothes and all that fun stuff. That bathrooms still need to be cleaned regularly and maybe I will get one of them to run the vacuum later today. It certainly needs it.

I haven’t gotten all the laundry picked up and put away in the adult bedroom yet. Why is it that, that always seems to be the last place to get cleaned up? Part of the issue is that my hubby got gifted some clothes a while back and now he has more than he currently needs right now, but will need later as things wear out. But figuring out what to do with them in the meantime can be difficult. However I got a lot of it started and picked up yesterday.

I am going easier on myself this week. Not pushing so hard. Taking breaks and time to sit with cats, read my book or play games on my tablet while listening to an audio book. I need to start moving the plants out of the sun room and into other parts of the house so they can do their job of cleaning the air.

I need to find my sewing machine cord. I need to plug the printer in so I can print the update to my sweater I am knitting instructions. I need to be able to occasionally watch a video without all my kids showing up and talking over the instructor.

I need to go on a date with my hubby. I think he is organizing it this time around. Something about seeing a friend of his in a musical. Not his usual cup of tea but if he is offering to take me to a live musical I am there in a dress and a grin. We don’t have enough time or money to go to all the theater we have the ability to take part in here in Maine. It’s just not possible.

I need a few sleep in days, a few days to just be. Not sure when I am going to get those as right now I need to write and get some of my work done before my kids wake up and have all their needs. One is already up and lying on my office floor. It is officially only ten minutes after 7. Which I know for some families is late and for others, like mine, it is early.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Why Can’t the Kids Clean Up?

by | Aug 7, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Is it just an American thing? Or is there some secret I don’t know about to get kids to be well, neat?

Why don’t kids help clean up? Is this just an American thing? Because I know that my friend who son is half German that she has shown pictures of him neatly lining everything up, even his shoes under his bed. So some kids must want to live in a clean house where they put their toys away right?

Not any of my kids though. Not if they are left to their own devices. I know I have watched, I have purposely not cleaned up after them or put away all their detritus and it has just stayed there for as long as I can stand it, weeks, months or until they have completely forgotten that the thing even existed.

My eldest is currently sharing a room with my youngest and there is about a 7 ½ years age difference. For personality and need to snuggle at night, they are perfectly matched, but of course their skills at being able to put things away are not at all matched.

We have just moved. We are having an open house in a couple of days. So every afternoon I have been after I am done working and shuttling kids to their activities I have been organizing and cleaning up one room. Putting things away, dusting, making sure it looks like a room we would like our friends to visit. The artwork and photographs haven’t gotten hung yet (mainly because I haven’t found our hangers) but otherwise, it is all good. All that is left is the kitchen at this point and the outside and I have a friend coming to help me with the kitchen tonight.

My kids are done with me and the cleaning/unpacking/organizing though. They complain bitterly that I am doing it and not doing whatever it is they want me to do. They complain when I ask them to take more things upstairs, or down to the basement or get me the broom etc.

They do however love the room when it’s finished and talk about how pretty it is and how much better it looks. They then proceed to play in said room and not pick up after themselves.

And I wouldn’t mind if they took the reminders to clean up well. I get it, it’s not a lot of fun to put your stuff away. It is even less fun when you have to put someone else’s stuff away! Believe me!

Some days I am just too tired. Like I literally have nothing left, no energy to do any sewing or knitting, or mending, absolutely nothing left and it’s hard to pick up after my own self let alone them. But most of the time I do pick up after me.

I wish I had a magic wand that would help convince them to pick up and put their stuff away. To put all the ingredients back in the fridge when they are done constructing their sandwich. To put all there dishes in the sink or dishwasher and put the serving dishes away too.

Some of my daughters have gotten really good at walking all the way downstairs at night to put their laundry down the shoot into the basement. Other of my girls leave their laundry in the upstairs bathroom for days…

Once we get caught up on the laundry backlog they are going to get to start washing their own laundry, because maybe that will stop them from constantly losing their laundry in the process as well. And maybe it will feel more fair all the way around.

But we have to get caught up on that laundry monster and with the party coming, it is going to get to wait until after the party before I have the big push to clean all the clothes and get them sorted and put away. We will just have to wait and see.

Are you one of those lucky moms whose kids naturally pick up after themselves? If you are can you share your secret recipe or magic wand? Is there a special vitamin I need to feed them? Is there a possibility that someday they might clean up after themselves?

Or are they doomed to be gross roommates in the future? I know they say creative people tend to live in chaos, but I can never tell if that’s just because their brains got used to it or if they really are happier that way. I think I am happiest with a maid. We aren’t quite at the point where we want to pay for one yet. But maybe I should look into one. They at least don’t complain.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

The Truth of New Motherhood

by | Aug 2, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Do you remember those first few days after your baby was born? Do you remember how suddenly your world got smaller and larger all at the same time? Do you remember what it was like to wish you wouldn’t get peed/pooped/puked on again for at least a few hours to actually feel clean?

I’m a mom of four. Yep, four. More than double the U.S… statistical average of 1.67 children (maybe it’s changed, I’m a mom of four and too tired to even ask Siri). I moved beyond the ‘Oh isn’t that nice, you’re all set now you have a boy and a girl,’ to the ‘Your kids are so cute, but you must be exhausted,’ to the point where I’ve rendered them speechless, ‘Wow, four.’

Yep, wow. You’d think by now, I’d be an expert. Certainly, things are (sometimes) easier, knowing what to expect, what products work best for me, but life is messy and we’re always given a chance to learn. Best learned facts children 1-4: always bring two spare outfits and one for yourself, you don’t need a diaper bag that would stretch the carry-on limits of major airlines, hydrogen peroxide works great at getting fresh fluids out of clothing, natural nursing balms work better than diaper cream and don’t stink! This time is easier because I have a ten year old girl who likes to play at mothering, a seven year old boy who can read stories and (mostly) entertain himself and the four year old boy, who likes to help by fetching things for me. Really, the little Mommy’s helper stage is great (when they’re willing); they haven’t quite reached that awareness that ‘helping’ is work, and acceptable payment is still a hug, a smile, and a thank you, not money or toys or special treats.

Regardless of the help, and ‘wow, 4!’ it turns out I’m not an expert. I ‘know’ all these things, and if I could sleep enough I might remember them. Top of the list of things I should know is how to hold a conversation without adding in all this private information about me and my baby’s body fluids. But I don’t, because life is messy, and wow, I’m obsessively in love with my little boy. For instance, as a mom of four, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me that boys sometimes go off like ill-timed sprinklers, that projectile puke nearly always happens when you’re late for an appointment, that neon orange nursing baby poop stains everything. Yet, as a mom of newborn number four, I’ve realized I’m once again suffering from New Mom-itus, or perhaps Newbornesia, or Baby-opoly. However you describe it, it’s the condition that mixes being tired (that advice of sleep when your baby sleeps sounds great, but see above note on being obsessed with the baby, and in my case having three others to love) with a mess of hormones while keeping a new life alive. The symptoms are being deeply focused on your baby to the point that you think everyone needs to know everything, and you are unable to find the on button for your brain’s censorship function. Because of this, you find yourself telling everyone about your most personal experiences regarding your body and your baby.

It’s verbal, and sometimes visual, diarrhea… about poop, or pee, or blood, or milk, or vomit; it won’t be contained, no matter how private a person you were before baby. I swore I’d never be one of those new moms we all know, ‘You should see how far he pees!,’ ‘She puked all over her car seat, it took me an hour to get her clean, there was curdled milk coming out her nose,’ ‘He pooped so much it soaked his onesie, his outfit, and his sheet, I gave up after a dozen wipies and gave him a tubby.’ Or better, with social media, the pictures! Being pro-breastfeeding, and a pro at it, nursing my littlest one now, does great things for my dresses… hello milk cleavage!, I’m always sharing pictures bragging how my babies are growing chunky and happy. Then there’s the pictures of ‘OMG, look how gross dried up week-old belly button stumps are.’

When random old ladies come up to comment ‘oooh, a little one,’ I just can’t help myself in replying, ‘yep, I grew this little life, only took three minutes to push him out, and he nurses like Cookie Monster at a Mrs. Fields, but wow, does he go through a lot of diapers, it’s like hunter’s orange, I’ll never eat kraft mac and cheese again.’

If it’s not about my baby, it’s about me, and I know my friends who have all had at least two babies understand, but there I was at my baby’s baptism party, lifting my t-shirt in the kitchen to show off my new slimming tank top with built-in lightly foam-lined wireless support bra. My stomach muscles had a bit of separation, (things they don’t warn you about, that and massive post-partum hair loss) and this little miracle tank does all the work of a belly band but look, it’s great for nursing too, I don’t even fall out when I bend over which for my milk-filled breasts is amazing, and it’s super comfy, and only $22 at Target.

Then there’s the how did everything go question, and really, why would people ask, because shhhbloooop, there comes another fifteen-minute explosion from me about all the gore and beauty of a new life coming out of my nether regions, highlighted with words like clot, gush, skid marks, poop, and worse.

But you know what moms? It’s okay. You did grow this new life, and life is messy, and you’re at the center of the best and messiest. I swore I would keep the details to myself this time, because four, Wow, but it’s okay to share, though I admit if you can, it’s better kept with friends and family not random grocery clerks who are still in high school (or maybe it will serve to support them once they become mothers, or maybe it will scare them into remaining chaste. As a mom of a pre-pubescent girl, I’m okay with that!), because moms need to be there for each other. It’s not easy, it’s not perfect, it’s okay to doubt and worry and wonder, and that’s why when a mom flings out random verbal poo about the mess of life, you can share your own mess to let her know she’s not alone. New moms, you’re right to be obsessed with maintaining this new helpless bundle of prolific fluid-producing love, so go on, let loose, complain about the mess that got so bad you needed to shower with your baby, or how you were so tired you gave up and threw out the outfit even though you’re normally a strict recycler, or how bad the rash is, or how many nursing pads you’ve gone through in a day. You deserve a pass on meeting social expectations, because life is messy and we all live it, and at least babies are cute (even when they puke on your face).

Rachel Vallance is a mother to four exuberant children and has dedicated herself to stay home with them, sharing her love of gardening, baking, and crafting. She holds a degree in social sciences and frequently travels with her family to explore the crazy wondrous variety of cultures, especially those found near tropical beaches.

She is the author of Sun Catcher, an apocalyptic tale of surrealism and optimism, and has recently released the second novel in the series, Sun Struck. Her novels are available on Amazon, under her pen name R.M. Vallance. Check them out HERE.

There is a Cat

by | Jul 31, 2018 | Parenting, working

This Cat of ours…

There is a cat

Sitting on my lap

And she’s just as distracting

as a child

She is purr-y

And fuzzy

and oh so love-y

But she is just as good

as my daughters of

keeping me from working

as far as she is concerned

I should just be petting her

over and over and over again

stroking her fur

scratching her head

She pushes my fingers and hands

away from typing on the keyboard

But unlike my girls

She doesn’t want to play

She simply wants to be

worshiped

Because that is her way

and the way of most

Cats

This one seems to like me best

And all I did to deserve this

Attention

was ignore her when she first

moved in

I let my hubby and the girls

Love all over her

While I continued with my life

and getting things

Done

And now I am her favorite one

To ask to love her

I rarely seek her out

Other than to make sure she is

In fact in the house

Before we leave or night falls

But most of the time

It is she who comes

To find me

To lie on the floor

While I am working

To steal sips of my

Coffee

To cuddle up with me

For naps or bedtime

(Especially if it’s really hot)

She doesn’t seem to mind

The girls, this second hand

Cat of ours

She shows up when they cry

and she sleeps on their bed

She bosses them around

To make sure she’s fed

She loves on my hubby

And climbs in his lap at night

For snuggles and rubs

and to crawl under his blanket

On the extra chilly nights

But she seems to follow me around the most

Hanging out

Keeping away the ghosts

And just keeping me company

Day in and day out

Which most of the time is

silent

And only needs a few pets

And isn’t the demanding,

hungry

whiny

love of my girls

instead.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Early Risers and Night Owls

by | Jul 24, 2018 | Parenting, Tips and Techniques

Regardless of whether you are a morning person or a night owl, you inevitably give birth to at least one child who is the opposite of you, especially if your partner is different than you are.

A lot of people and by people I am specifically talking about people, anyone from babies to octogenarians, seem to fall into the two camps of early risers and night owls. Or morning people and stay up all night people.

I am not sure where the middle people are. I think I am one of the middle people, because left well enough alone I get up with the sun, which is quite early in the summer and quite late in the winter and am happy to go to bed within an hour or two of sun set. Or in the case of last night I was falling asleep on the couch before the sun had gone to bed, but I think that was because I hadn’t actually gotten any siesta time yesterday, but I digress.

Regardless of whether you are a morning person or a night owl, you inevitably give birth to at least one child who is the opposite of you, especially if your partner is different than you are. Though I hear it can happen spontaneously too.

My first born was very definitely a night owl from the moment she was born. I remember my hubby complaining to my mother in law and her just cackling on the other end of the phone, because he was finally getting his just desserts.

My eldest also wouldn’t sleep all night at least once a month for her first 9 months or so, but again I am digressing back to sleep deprived points of my life.

So we gave up with the idea of putting small people to bed at 6 pm at night, because it never worked with our first daughter and that just sort of set the tone for our parenting. I suppose we could have tried to figure out what worked for each subsequent child, but the pattern was already set and they just kind of evolved into it.

Whoever is the baby doesn’t get sent up to bed around 8 PM to 8:30 PM, but everyone else does. And at this point no one is the baby so they all get sent up to bed. It takes them at least a half hour to sort themselves and settle down, and my hubby and I take a hands off approach and try and get some TV watching in for a few minutes before going to bed ourselves.

This has worked reasonably well for years. Lately my eldest whose biological clock is deep into puberty has been needing to stay up later at night. There is neuroscience behind this need and they have discovered that Melatonin release is a good two ours later in teenagers than it is in adult brains, so it’s not surprising that she may need to stay up later.

I am not a night owl. However from about the time I was 11 or so until shortly after my 18th birthday I was. And since I was homeschooled I would literally be doing my math or Latin or physics at 1 or 2 in the morning and then go to bed around 3. I would then sleep until noon and then get up again. My parents were pretty accommodating and I got a lot of alone time, which I needed during that development of growth. There also wasn’t social media back then and not much beyond email so I couldn’t get into a lot of trouble. I didn’t have a computer or a TV in my room so I was left with a radio which had to be kept low and my books. It worked for me.

The upshot of my kids going to bed a little while later than maybe other people’s kids (I was going to use the word average, but I actually don’t think any of us really know what average is in this department) and we homeschool, I get at least an hour in the morning (depending entirely on how soon I drag myself out of bed) and sometimes two or three alone. Which is the only way I stay sane some days.

If it is an overcast or rainy morning I get even more alone time as their rooms stay darker longer, regardless of any black out curtains they may or may not have.

My hubby is still a night owl. But he has learned to get up early in the morning and go to works o that he can get his work done and have more of his “best” time at home with the family. It is possible that as more of the girls move into more of a night owl routine themselves he may adjust his work schedule slightly so he can stay up with them more at night and have more bonding time. We will just have to wait and see.

In the meantime I try and let my girls keep their own hours for waking and sleeping, generally trying to insist they be in their rooms after dark until it gets light again. There is always much grumbling about having to get up early in the morning on the rare (usually less than once a week) occasions that happens. At some point I think we will set up a corner in our sun room for children who are having trouble sleeping or have later biological clocks than the rest of us. Short of setting up a room in the basement that’s the best I am going to be able to do right now.

Do your kids keep the same sleep schedule as you do? I think that might actually drive me crazy if they did, as I get the most tired when my kids get up with me and go to bed with me and I have no time to myself that is predictable and I know is coming.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

No-Good-Very-Bad-Days

by | Jul 17, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care, Tips and Techniques, Truth-Telling

This week’s blog post is about how you choose to handle the no-good-very-bad-days that are bound to happen.

Some days you wake up and you might as well go back to bed. You just know it is going to be one of those Alexander-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-days kind of day. But you’re a grown up. You probably have a list of things that you need to do today, maybe an important meeting, maybe just a house that looks like a tornado walked through it, maybe you are providing childcare for someone else’s kid.

The no-good-very-bad-days don’t show up when you have space in your schedule. They don’t show up when you feel like everything in your world is going great. They don’t show up when you have nowhere you need to be, or no one you are responsible for.

No-good-very-bad-days show up when you are super busy. When you are so busy or there is so much that needs to be done, or you have had some very big changes in your life, that to add the shit frosting on top of the shit cake, here’s it is. A day that you just know isn’t going to be a good day.

Maybe you feel like you are starting to get sick. Maybe you are sick. Maybe your kids wake you up with them being sick. All over you. Or they are running fevers and put their hot bodies up against yours.

You’ve got two choices. You can get up and get this no-good-very-bad-day started, or you can try and get some extra sleep. Hit the snooze alarm a few times or just ignore it all together. I have done both, so absolutely no judgment here, regardless of your choice.

And throughout your no-good-very-bad-day you have choices. You can pretend that you have an assistant (or maybe you are lucky enough to actually have one) and cancel everything that is not super critical for you to do today.

You can call in sick. Play hokey. Decide to binge watch TV with your kids. (Secret from a summer of chicken pox, let each child pick one show and rotate and include yourself in the rotation so you can watch something that you have picked every now and then too.) At the very least you can prioritize what absolutely has to happen today and punt everything else.

Oh and give up on the meals. Pass them off to someone else, get someone else to cook, or decide that it’s going to be takeout tonight. Or cereal and milk or popcorn. Or if you absolutely can’t get out of cooking supper than make it breakfast. It’s usually super easy-going.

You can also decide to stack your day and try and get through those most important things first. Get that load of laundry started, get dinner in the crockpot, not stay in bed because your children are still asleep and get your work done early, or at least started on.

Try to laugh. On a no-good-very-bad-day, you might not want to wear your best clothes because you will be spilling stuff on it. Make sure your helmet is on and you’ve buckled your seat belt. Take some extra moments to breathe. Pass off as much as you can to someone else.

See if you can have a mommy play-date so someone else is helping watch your kids and you can compare your no-good-very-bad-day with another mom. Not in the competition sense, but in the we all have these happen from time to time sense. I have a friend who hangs out at the children section of her local library when as she puts it “needs adult supervision”. It can be helpful to just put your kids in a new safe environment which has extra adults who may be helping to keep an eye out on them.

It can also be helpful to just cancel everything and stay in bed. It’s not something we can always do, but it can help.

I often try and get the priorities done first so that I can later take a nap, an extended siesta or just curl up on the couch and read to my girls for a while on no-good-very-bad-days.

Oh and take your vitamins! They can’t hurt and will probably help. Go slow on the caffeine as getting super buzzed is not going to help and may contribute to the no-good-very-bad-day. And drink water. My go to solution for everything that ails you, go have a glass of water and then tell me how you feel. Of course, you may end up wearing it.

That’s okay. It’s only water. So it will be wet, and either cold or hot, but it shouldn’t destroy too much. I wouldn’t have any alcohol until you have reached the finish line of the day, see the above caffeine advice.

And maybe sit down and actually read about Alexander’s day, and see who had it worse. Your kids will probably enjoy listening to the classic. Hopefully, you didn’t have a dentist appointment, and maybe you really could move to Australia.

Of course my experience with Australian airports, I am not convinced you would actually have a better day there, but you never know. It might be better in Australia.

And tomorrow most certainly should be better, especially if you can go to bed early tonight. Because no-good-very-bad-days are exhausting.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Unpacking

by | Jul 10, 2018 | Parenting

We moved into a new house! Now the unpacking begins…

Kids get just as excited about unpacking as we grown ups do. Which means completely mixed feelings, at times joyful to have things out of their boxes and instead up on their walls and shelves, at other times really not wanting to look at one more box ever again, what do you mean I still have to unpack it?

We get to have all the feels, which includes the frustration of having the unpacking seem to take much longer than we would like it too. And for me, this hasn’t been one of those sessions where I can just spend all day, everyday unpacking until I get it all done. Because life still needs to go on and I took my time off for the actual moving from one house to the other and at this point we all need to start falling into a routine again, which means I need to get my writing and work done in the morning while I still have energy and it is still quiet and cool around here, and so unpacking happens later.

And inevitably it doesn’t seem like I have gotten enough done. For some reason that I really can’t wrap my head around we seem to be short a bookcase in the number of books I still have in boxes versus the three shelves I have to still fill (and since the clips to attach the shelves to the bookcase have gone for a walk, it makes things even more interesting). We have a friend holding another bookcase for us, ostensibly for the girl’s picture books, etc, which will help, but it would also be nice if that two dozen or so boxes that are usually super easy to unpack and get out of our way, were actually out of our way.

Then there is the building of things. Like we normally have our flat screen TV up on our wall, so it stays safe and also because who needs it taking up furniture. We haven’t taken the time to install it up on the wall yet. Partially because we haven’t located the stud finder yet, and also because the time we would have to install it (it takes both of us) is the same time we want to spend actually using it.

And then there are the racks and pieces of furniture we took apart and now have to figure out where all the pieces are. It is usually not the legs per say as it is the bolts, pegs, and clips. For instance, I have my round table in two pieces and it takes about five minutes to put together but I don’t know where the bolts that secure the two pieces are.

That kind of stuff. We spent part of Sunday in the kitchen building a couple of racks to hold dishes and veggies, and it doesn’t look like we did much, because things are still cluttered and on the floor, but we did actually create some pretty important storage to be able to start to put things away.

My mom is coming in a couple of weeks and my goal is to get the main living areas done by that point and then while she is here and able to entertain my children I can redo a closet each day and get those set up well. But right now things are just getting put into closets to get them out of the way while we continue to unpack and organize.

At least the laundry monster is starting to come under control. But I also need to set up an area in the basement for the out of season out of size clothes. And of course, that hasn’t happened yet. We did spend some time in the basement over the weekend when it was really hot and that was helpful too and is allowing us to bring the rest of the stuff from the yard into the basement, but it still isn’t something you see all the time.

I had a friend come to help yesterday and we were able to organize and uncover two rooms in the two hours she was able to help me. I am hoping to convince some more friends to come over and hang out and help us figure out where to hang our photographs and art because I know that will help it feel like home in an even deeper level.

I am also aware that it is going to be a work in progress for a while. There is wallpaper throughout most of the house and we are going to want to work on taking it down and painting most of the rooms over time.

As well as it just takes a while to figure out the flow of things and how things really work and then move things around.

There are pieces of furniture we do not yet own and that need to be acquired to make the cozy reading and talking nooks we still want to make. There is stuff in the yard that still needs to be set up for future gardens, hops and of course duck land.

In and amongst all that, it is still summer and we need to find the local swimming holes and places to hang out in the shade, attend library summer reading program activities, and do some actual reading. Eventually my sewing machine will get fixed (still looking for the power cord) and then there are lots of little projects that need to get made for the new house as well, fresh potholders, eventually new curtains, etc.

Everyone has always told me that when you own your own house the honey do list is never-ending and that there is always something that needs to be done. But I think the part that a lot of people have been missing, that seems super important to how my hubby and I feel is, this feels like a labor of love. Getting to choose and adjust things because it is our house. Making a list of the maintenance as well as the upgrades we want to do and knowing that we are taking care of our shelter, just feels different than having to wait until landlord’s do or don’t fix things.

Or at least that is how it feels to me.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Hot I’m Melting

by | Jul 5, 2018 | Parenting

It is supposed to storm and cool off tomorrow.  In the meantime please pass the chilled alcohol and another sprinkler.

 

Hot.

It is so hot here in rural Maine, and it’s early this year, it isn’t even the 4th of July yet and it is so hot. Which means that we are all cranky, irritable and it is even harder to use our nice voices to each other.

Yet we must use our nice voices, at least part of the time. We need to speak with kindness and understand that the others are just as tired as we are.

I announced last night that I at least am running siesta hours starting today. Well it probably won’t start until tomorrow because I have a friend coming to help me unpack part of the house today around 11 am so depending on how long she stays.

Anyway my kids are in a bit of a revolt. I explained that the idea was that you get up early in the morning (not that I am waking them to get up early mind you, but I am getting up early) and you get things done for a while, and then around the hottest part of the day, you lay down and read, or sleep or just color and hang out until the hottest part of the day passes, and then you get up and do more things, and you stay up later at night than you usually do (as we have had no luck getting the kids to even think about going to sleep before full dark this past week anyway). That siesta time in the middle of the day is how you keep from burning out and how you get rid of some of the cranky irritable stuff.

We will see. Like I said I am not sure it is going to work today, but you better believe I am making this happen on the 4th. Especially since we are planning on getting up super early to go pick strawberries, we will need that lie down afterward.

So far the biggest complaint I have heard is that they couldn’t possibly go to sleep during the hottest part of the day because they can’t go to sleep at night as it is. Which isn’t totally true. As soon as they convince themselves to just wear big oversized t-shirts, to put a wet washcloth (or flannel as my mother in law calls it) on their head and stop fussing they fall straight to sleep.

I figure the absolute worse case is that I will let them watch tv while I have my lie down in the middle of the day and I’ll keep the rest of the tv view away from them. But I really like the idea of them lying down and listening to audiobooks, or coloring or reading books or otherwise having time alone and separated from everyone else.

I think that may be the only way we survive this first summer more inland where I don’t know where any of the local swimming holes are yet, (though they are allowed to spend as much time in the sprinkle as they want now that we are on a well) and where I still feel like unpacking and organizing is a higher priority than most of anything else, outside of getting my work done.

They are of course completely over the whole idea of having to do any more unpacking, moving or hauling stuff up and down stairs as we find things. We still have more things out in our yard and driveway than I would like, and I am hoping to convince them to haul some of it down into the basement today, because after all it is pretty cool down there.

I think I will hold the popsicles and ice cream cones ransom for some help. That seems fair right? You get all hot and sweaty doing some heavy lifting and then you get a nice cold thing to put in your mouth and cool down with.

Thank goodness we have a dishwasher because it is way too hot for anyone to want to do the dishes, though I do have some pans I am going to need to do soon. Also I think I should make some pasta salad today and keep it in the fridge. That way when people get hungry or don’t like enough of dinner, or whatever they can have something cold to eat.

I suggested it at dinner last night and the kids thought I was crazy. I think maybe I haven’t done this in the past before so they don’t know what they are missing. Maybe I should do some potato salad too. I have an instant pot so I don’t even need to make the whole kitchen hot boiling potatoes.

Of course we are also seriously looking into getting a grill. Our new house actually has a special carve out on the deck just off the kitchen to hold a grill. We have a charcoal one, but a gas one seems so much simplier and faster for average dinner cooking. My hubby is actually looking at one of those combination ones that does propane, charcoal and has a smoker attachment. I just like the idea of cooking outside. Grilled veggies sounds so good.

Well my first kiddo has gotten up so I should get the rest of my work done. Hopefully this siesta thing will work. Having lived in Europe in the summer where no one has AC I really think it’s the only way to get through the summer. And to remember what it feels like when you are just trying to get through the winter later right?

The kids whine either way. I keep trying to tell them you can’t control the weather so don’t let the weather control your mood.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.