A bit of a disclaimer..before I write about this…there is no judgement here..none, none at all, this post is just what is going on in my life and how I am feeling about it..

It started as a way to unwind…after a no good, awful, horrible, very bad day..

The kind that leaves you with a few more gray hairs than when you started..

(I am hoping when then this is all done I will have a nice white Rogue streak going down off my forehead. I mean something cool needs to come out of all this stress!)

Then it became an online thing with friends..friends that we don’t get to see in person right now, people that are part of our everyday routine that have been cut off because of this horrible crap storm we are in. 

Then it became just something to do..like the more snacking, it became justified by “why not, I am not driving or going anywhere, at all, for days on end.”

Then it stopped being at the end of the day ,it began at 5pm, 3pm and one awful day it started at 2pm..

Stay hydrated they say, drink more, they say and I have been, but it hasn’t always been water…and it hasn’t always been in moderation or just for fun.. 

It became what I call “The not so happy..Happy Hour”

It is mostly a bit of a joke..but underneath I realized that I have been drinking just a little too much and just a bit too hard. 

And I know exactly why I’m doing it..

This underlying fear, this just at the edge of having a big freak out panic attack, the hand washing after touching ANYTHING, the figuring out how to keep my kids safe and not have them mentally scarred for life.

This virus would flat out kill my youngest, she is tiny, she catches everything, she has asthma and I am scared shitless  ALL DAY! EVERYDAY!

There is so much BOREDOM!!

I am a non-essential massage therapist (doesn’t that title just kick me in the self esteem) I have not worked for over a month..dealing with stress is my job and I can’t do it, I can’t help others. It is breaking my heart.

So I poured a glass of something, and then another one, and then a few more…

Then I started to wonder how far it was going to go..the not so happy, Happy Hour…

A friend of mine asked me how doing mediation was going.. and I joked back “with a fifth of vodka it is going great!”

I decided then to dial back…a lot…like a whole lot…I make sure not to drink in front of my kids and not to make little comments like “you are all driving me to DRINK!” Even on the days when that is exactly what they are doing and they are doing it a lot.

I LOVE being a mom, we all say we want to spend more time with our kids and we mean it..but not like this. We parents did not want to be home with our kids like this, not with the threat of something huge and dangerous looming outside. The nagging feeling of not being able to provide coming from inside our heads..

Tonight is a weekly meet up with a bunch of friends…and yes I will have one cocktail.

Then I will stop for the rest of the weekend.

My goal is not to make a repeat of the “not so happy, Happy Hour”

Stay safe..and sometimes even sober..

I have a beautiful love affair with my crockpot/instant pot. But an actual read a recipe, prepare ingredients, and produce a wholesome meal with all sorts of sides? Ummmm…not so much.

You think as a most of the time stay at home mom I would be Martha Stewerting it up all over the place. But I am seriously hopeless at cooking, it causes me serious anxiety.

My husband is WAY better at it and actually ENJOYS it (he is a nerd and a weirdo, what can I say). So most of our meals come from him.

Here comes an example of why I am a bit of a mess in the kitchen and why I do not have dinner on the table waiting when my husband comes home from work.

I once tried to make a tea that helps with getting rid of a cold. I decided that one night when my husband was on a business and I was on my own with the kids, that this would be the best time to try something new.

So the recipe is as follows, and it was given to me by a friend, who makes it ALL THE TIME, with no problems:

Ingredients:
2 cinnamon sticks
Half a lemon of juice
6-8 half dollar slices of fresh ginger root
2-4 tbsp honey
Dash of nutmeg
Dash of cayenne (optional)
Pot of water (8 cups)

Directions:
Add all ingredients to a pot on the stove and simmer for 30-45 minutes.

Looks simple right, RIGHT? YOU WOULD THINK SO!!!!

Here, however, is how the Jannine version of this night went…

-First I did a complete search of my house. Ok, so I really just stared at the spice rack for 10 minutes. That’s when I realized I didn’t own any of these ingredients fresh and I would have to use dried ones…ok..fine..I can roll with that.

– My husband had left on a business trip for 5 days and I had to use the stove. That may not mean much to some of you, but the stove and I don’t always get along. So this was a big deal.

– I gathered what spices I COULD find and improvised, which in my world means, I ran around frantically in my kitchen until I found what I could you, ,and then I spilled everything on myself..sneezing commences for a bit.

– I put in the cinnamon, ginger, and a dash (which turns into a cloud) of cayenne, lemon (which I did not have so I used lime..cause, hey citrus).

– I turned on the gas stove without setting my eyebrows on fire, stirred the spices into the water, and made a rue.. I bet you didn’t think I knew what that was, but I do! Just in case YOU don’t know that that is, it is a base for sauce..I think.

– After trying to put 8 cups of water into a pan, I discovered the pan was way too small for 8 cups of water. Then I spilled most of it on the stove, looked around to clean it up, and figure water will evaporate, so I left it. I managed to find a bigger pot, poured in the water and the rue, and proceed to let it boil.

– My cat tried to lick up the spices that were on the floor and realized that he doesn’t like ginger. So he ran around to his water bowl as fast as he could..while nearly tripping me on his way

-At that point, the whole ordeal was becoming comical so I decided to write some of it down to share later. Because, I was obviously going to forget, mom brain.

-I got a text message..phone was upstairs..went to get the phone..husband had landed safely..nice.

-Went back down, realized I had forgotten to add honey to the mixture. I had a huge jar of it and the cap came loose while I was pouring it in. So, a couple of teaspoons became a flood of honey…I was fine with that, it is medicinal…

– I got another text message (I swear I am not this popular when I am doing nothing.)..phone was still upstairs. I went to get the phone trying not to wake up children that weren’t really sleeping. They were just waiting for me to get comfortable so that they could cry that they missed their dad.

-I answered the text message, sat down again, realized that I had forgotten yet another ingredient (oh screw YOU nutmeg). I didn’t have nutmeg..but I did have PUMPKIN PIE SPICE!..next best thing…I added a touch (again pouring it all over me) to the mixture, and put it on the back burner to simmer…

-The house smelled amazing. I may have created something that tasted like sweaty gym socks, but at least it SMELLED like walking in a forest in the fall. While the potion was bubbling I started to tidy up (read, hide stuff in closets).

-I chased the cat off the counter where he was trying to eat through plastic to get at a loaf of bread.

-Contemplated murdering cat but he is really cute, so I decided to keep him…for now.

-Stored the chewed on bread in the microwave and waited another 10 mins for my Sweaty Gym Sock tea to steep.

At this point my kitchen looks like a pound of rainbow cocaine exploded all over and I am not planning on cleaning it. In fact, I contemplated adding a healthy drop of alcohol to the tea, cause that’s medicinal too.

What I did was, finish making the tea and then enjoyed a nice cup in the dark, ignoring my kids ad they were telling me they missed their dad, that they are thirsty and they need to go potty.

And that is why I don’t cook dinner..

When she is not running around being a dance mom, you can find her trying to learn to tap or belly dance, learning about aromatherapy and herbalism, and being one of the biggest Harry Potter fans around.

If you are in the Maine area, please check out her Massage FaceBook Page or her Instagram (@jspaz1) of her crazy life.

I believe I am one of the fortunate few that does not stress about the up coming Holiday session. I am honestly not exactly sure why that is. It might be because my favorite holiday is actually Halloween, and I start preparing for THAT ..in August.

As the hype for a bigger, brighter, sparklier, does not include batteries, holiday seems to get worse with every passing year, the pressure to be Instagram’s next Martha Stewart can get pretty intense.

Here are some of things that my family does to not to go too crazy, when the rest of the world seems to be foaming at the mouth over the next must have thing.

1.Pinterest

…just back away slowly- Pinterest used to be one of my favorite sites, a whole website dedicated to organizing thoughts, ideas, pictures and recipes. I used to love going down that rabbit hole, pinning to my hearts content! At some point it stopping being fun and it started to judge me. Obviously, if I did not make my child’s birthday completely by hand, out of mason jars and burlap, I better not even THINK about showing my face in the drop off line in school the next day. Not writing every gift tag in calligraphy? How DARE I!, Buying ornaments, instead of making them out of mud and seeds that you can plant in the spring? FOR SHAME!

Pinterest CAN be a great jump off point, but unless you were born with a golden hot glue gun in your hand, 90 percent of those pins are going to come out looking like you went 60 rounds with an entire craft store, and the glitter won.

How do I combat the Pinterest Pressure? I made up a motto that I stand by, (and often have to repeat to myself when tying to make a wreath bow) “Pinterest is for INSPIRATION not DUPLICATION”

I almost never try to copy a Pin, I will take an idea and turn into my own creation. This has done wonders for my crafting self esteem, and if that wreath bow goes way off the mark and starts looking like all three of my cats used it as a scratching toy, I just say the kids helped me!

2. Ditch the Gift List

I have two daughters ages six and nine, we have never made a present list “for Santa”. We write him letters, but it does not include a laundry list of stuff that must be under the tree. It is not because we, as parents wanted to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, it was because some years we were a bit broke. We would ask the kids, about the one thing that they would REALLY want for Christmas and that has come from us parents.
“Santa”, has gotten them things, that “he thought” they might like.

I have found this poem very helpful in navigating the present idea black hole, “Something you want, Something you need, Something to wear, and Something to read”, (the books usually will come from “the cats”, cause kitties love to curl up with the kiddos while they read). Groupon is great for discounts on experiences, like a trampoline park, or tickets to an event. Stocking Stuffers can be inexpensive and even kids like fuzzy silly socks.

This method of not having a list, has taken so much pressure off of gift giving, and saves the kiddos the disappointment on Christmas morning, if “Santa” did not give them that weird gadget that blinks and makes unicorn poop. I have never had to fight in a line, for the last available thing that sings and giggles.

In all honesty, my kids have been pretty content with their loot, they both seem to have that ONE thing, that they REALLY want, and they usually start talking about it, (constantly) right after their birthdays (which are both in MAY), so it tends to be pretty clear. Not having a list has allowed my kids to truly be surprised, because they honestly have no idea what they are going to get.

3. Find the Fun and the Free! 

While the statement “give experiences not things” does make me roll my eyes, it is actually very true, unless your getting a puppy, or a car. Looking around for free or inexpensive things to do locally, does put the holiday spirit back, without torturing your wallet.

Our local mall turns a store into a “Winter Wonderland”, where kids can write letters to Santa, watch holiday movies, make crafts, and the entire thing is FREE! Now, most of the time I would rather shove hot needles in my eye before going to the mall, but on a gross winter day, when every one has had too much sugar from the tenth holiday party they went to, this is a awesome way to let off some pre-present opening steam.

Qur family has come up with our own tradition, a hot chocolate party on Christmas eve. We make real hot chocolate, (I got the recipe from Pinterest, ha!), we get into cozy fuzzy pjs, and we watch holidays movies, usually Elf, which is a favorite. We garnish our hot chocolate any way we want, putting candy canes, chocolate chips, marshmallows, whip cream, you name it! If it can fit into the cup, then they can have it, and they have gotten pretty creative in their hot chocolate “decorating”!

Over the years, my kids have consistently asked for this part of celebrating more then any other. I usually spend maybe $20 on ingredients, dust of the holiday snow man mugs that we used every year, and have a ball! One year we all made matching t-shirts, to go with our matching pj pants, the kiddos LOVED it!

I only have so many years left, before my kids stop believing in Santa and the magic of the holidays, so I do try to make the most of it.

I try to remember, what I liked most as a kid, the lights, the cookies, hanging ornaments on the tree. It can be so hard not to get caught up in the frenzy, as the kid’s friends get cell phones, and the latest unicorn poop making thing.

You are totally allowed to take the whole thing down a notch or two, to tell your kids, this is what our family does.

SO go grab that cup of hot chocolate, over fill it with marshmallows and watch a cheesy Hallmark Holiday movie…

I will be on Pinterest…planning my Halloween costume for next year. 🙂

Happy Holidays,

Jannine