Does this happen to anyone else?  Here I am, I still have months to go before this baby is born and if I could just wear pajamas all day or better yet nothing at all (unfortunately it is too cold for that 🙁 ) I would.

Nothing fits. From underwear and bras to everything else.

I have been lucky that some friends have passed me their maternity or just larger size clothes, so I have a basket to choose from.  But because these are not my clothes that I picked out some of them are really not my style, or taste or are just super loud.

But I have to wear something (at least on the days when I am going out in public) so I try and pick through the pile and find something that covers me and doesn’t make me feel too much like I am wearing a sack.

You already know how I feel about waistbands and that is only getting worse as my waistband completely disappears and my skirts end up riding just under my bra strap.

By the end of the day (or let’s be honest a couple of hours in), I am so tired of having fabric touching me there.  My small one is also in her super wiggly, kicky somedays it feels violent stage of life, so I am being tactically bugged by the outside and inside of my body.  

I love that I can feel her wiggle and know that she’s fine, but incessant hiccups can get to be a bit much.  I understand and want her to develop her lungs and diaphragm. I know that kicking and hitting me is helping her bones form and harden.  I get all this. But sometimes that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to hand the whole baby bump over to my husband and let him carry her for a while.  Especially as she starts to sit on my bladder and push tummy acids back up my esophagus. As I told hubby just the other night, he gets to go to work each day and forget about his pregnant wife at home and I have this constant wee creature poking me and waking me up in the morning.

But seriously this clothes issue is driving me nuts.  It is so depressing to feel like nothing will be comfortable once I put it on. I think my favorite part of the day is when I can lie in bed and not worry if I have anything on at all.

Oh, and I was totally floored the other day when I put my expensive just under my knee-high bog boots on.  They went on just fine. I thought I was never going to get them off though. Apparently my calves have changed size as well.  Which sucks because I am assuming chances are high that we will have cold weather if not several inches of snow on the ground before this small one has left my body.  And I really don’t want to wear another pair of snow boots.

I keep putting up clothing items that no longer fit in a box.  I know that at some point I may get to wear them again. I say may because post pregnancy bodies are never the same as pre pregnancy ones, and each one changes you a little.  Plus I’m currently on thyroid medication and that may or may not play into things on the other side.

So I am over here in my uncomfortable clothes, waiting.  I have months and weeks still to go. I have holiday celebrations to get through including my 40th birthday.  I have no idea what I am going to wear. We won’t even touch the laundry issue going on right now. Let’s just say preteen girls are not the most reliable and leave it at that.

Well, I am going to have to end this here and actually go find some clothes to wear today.  I have places to go and people to see so it’s not avoidable, unfortunately. However most days I don’t get dressed before noon.  So that’s a start, right?

PS.

Want more brutally honest stories about Motherhood? Check out my Mommy Rebellion book!

One of the strange things that happen when you are pregnant is how time changes.  It sounds strange but let me explain.

Pretty much from the moment, I get the positive pregnancy test time seems to halt.  I think it’s because I get pretty bad morning sickness (though nothing like the women who need to be hospitalized for it) and so each day feels like a year of moving through mud. Especially that first trimester. Everything seems to take forever and each day lasts so long…. It’s hard.

At some point, I end up taking afternoon naps.  And often more than that 20-minute power nap, I prefer at least an hour and a half when I am pregnant.  This time around for a whole host of reasons I have not had regular naps. At first, it was because that was the only time I could connect with hubby who was in India.  Now more often than not it has to do with afternoon activities I need to get my older girls too.

But I have been getting a few more naps in. And when that happens my days also feel endless because it gets confusing where one day ends and another begins.  Especially when I often fall asleep pretty deeply in those naps and am pretty groggy when I wake up,because none of the sleep rules for naps really work when you are pregnant, and if there is any kind of alarm involved I will probably be pretty groggy on the other side when it is not just me existing in this body.

The third trimester which I cross over into at the end of this month often brings its own time slips.  Baby is super active toward the end of the second trimester but as they get bigger they have less space to squiggle in, but when they do they make my whole bump undulate.  And I already know from experience that I am pretty miserable from week 36 on, so it’s often a matter of how can I get through the day, because all I want to do at that point is eat, pee and sleep.  That is when I do a lot of marathon book reading usually. Just to pass the time, because I am pretty uncomfortable in my own skin. I often think of it like the scene in one of the Narnia books where Edmund has to shed his dragon skin and it is relieving and painful all at the same time.  That is how I feel during those last weeks.

Time also feels endless because I don’t know when the baby is going to come.  I don’t choose to have an induction date, and yes my third child came 12 days after her due date.  And she was fine. But I don’t pick my children’s birthdays, they do and while the body works with them, new evidence pretty much says that the fetus decides when organized labor begins.  3 out of 4 of my children have been born on a Friday which has been really helpful for their dad. My last one was born on the Friday night of Columbus Day weekend, so we had lots of recovery time.  (Note my Monday child came when her dad was working from home, so really she was just as convenient.)

Labor itself slows time and speeds it up and it’s kind of ceases to exist for me. I went to the birth center at night with my firstborn, and because there were not any windows where I birthed, even though she came around noon my impression and memory are she was born at night.  My fourth born came so fast that we all lost track of time and it was the midwife on the phone who had any idea what time she was born.And of course, after the baby is earthside time goes super wonky.  It becomes feeding, and wakefulness with this new soul and sleeping when you can and peeing and drinking and trying to spend time with your other children and hubby and yet also being bone tired.  Those first few weeks drag and fly all at the same time.

But in a lot of ways that is parenthood in general.  Every day has moments you just have to grit your teeth and get through.  Every day has good moments in it too, even if it’s just the five minutes you laid and bed and pretended to still be asleep.  Or celebrating with your partner that everyone is still alive at the end of the day. It is so amazingly hard and wonderful and gross and beautiful all in the same day.

Maybe time never really truly goes back to normal?  I mean the younger your child is the more they live in the now, and even as adults we don’t want to be as patient as we have to be.  Maybe this steady march of time is just for people who don’t live with children?I am really not sure. I just know that growing another being sure messes up my concept of time.  

PS. Read more parenting adventure in my Mommy Rebellion, Brutal Honesty About Motherhood and Other Sh*t We Pretend We Love Everything About.

I need to write a blog post.  But my almost (as in 8 days) 6 year old has other ideas.  I prefer to write without having people talk to me, or a lot of distracting noise.  So of course she has decided she needs to lie on the floor of my office and play on her tablet.

She is supposed to be using one of her educational apps.  Rather than playing games as we have a lot of driving scheduled this afternoon and that is when she gets to play games on her tablet.

 Yes I would love for my life to be such that she didn’t have technology in the car.  But if she doesn’t have her tablet she spends the whole time talking to me, and wanting me to follow her stories, and asking me how the universe works while I am driving and dealing with the other kids in the car. 

 That becomes a safety issue.  She is so insistent on the answers to her questions, and often I am dealing with weather, traffic and/or trying to listen to my audio book (which is some days the only “me” time I get) and it becomes really distracting and then frustrating to talk to her while all of this is going on.

 If I let her take her tablet with her she doesn’t need me as much and she is happy playing her games.  My other kids are often either listening to an audio book as a group with me, or listening to their own audio books separately.  But my six year old doesn’t really like audio books. At. All. She likes being read to by a person, but not often just listening to a book.

 We live about a half an hour from everything.  Or at least it feels that way. The closest local grocery store is about 15 minutes down the road, and there are convenience stores closer than that, but anything else, is about a half an hour away.  Including everyone’s Girl Scouts. So at a minimum of twice a week we are gone doing stuff that is at least a half an hour away from home.

 I am as environmentally conscious as I can be.  We don’t run to town every day, and I do my absolute best to group all  my errands on days when we are out anyway and in that particular town. Except for the occasional international trips we don’t fly and we are in the midst of harvesting and preserving a lot of local food.  We also grow a lot of the meat and all of the eggs we eat which makes their carbon footprint smaller if not a positive as it helps increase the organic matter on our small acreage.

 So our twice weekly car trips tend to be long, a minimum of an hour in the car and more often longer as we are doing a bunch of stops along the way.  And that’s okay. But it also means that I don’t have the brain power to explain how the universe works while I am driving, because these trips usually are late afternoon into the night kind of trips and even without being pregnant I am tired.

 So I totally allow technology.  We used to have a dvd player in the back seat and they would watch dvds.  However, when that broke we didn’t replace it as it was free to us to begin with.  I am not sure they would all agree on what to watch at this point anyway. But when they were all super little it was a godsend when it was working.

 We are working on giving our kids a pretty analog childhood.  A little tv, some tablet time, and they have an Amazon Echo for music and audio books.  And otherwise they spend hours outside everyday and their only interaction with the computer is for schoolwork.  And we do as much of that with real books and paper still as we can.

 Well my cute almost 6 year old has moved on.  She is currently playing with her sisters and hopefully working on their chores as we are out from 2 pm until 8 pm tonight.  It has taken me hours to write this post, but here it is anyway. She’s just ducked in again for a complaint and a hug.  

 Because this is how things get done here, in and around the girls.

Read more of my parenting adventures in my Mommy Rebellion: Brutal Honesty About Motherhood and Other Sh@t We Pretend We Love.

I don’t care what anyone says and maybe for the women who love pregnancy, it is a lovely hard.  That has not been my experience. That doesn’t mean that I don’t birth healthy babies, because so far I always have.

I have had 4 natural births, 3 of them at home and 1 at a birth center. I know many would consider me lucky or privileged.

We usually have to pay the midwife out of pocket with our tax return. I am grateful for flexible midwives. I am grateful for the extra postpartum care I receive because we choose to go an alternative route. I am grateful to have conversations about the tests we want and the ones we don’t. I am grateful that my other children can attend the visits and ask whatever questions they have, however often they need to to feel part of the process. I am grateful that this is the 3rd pregnancy I am having with this midwife so she as well as Rob really knows what my “normal” is because I tend to forget.  

 But I am also very tired.  I’m in my 6th month of pregnancy and the little one has her regular kicking times.

 I am winding things down in my life rather than ramping them up. I am ready to go into my cave and see everyone in like half a year from now. Not that it will happen that way as I have four other kids who need to get to their activities.  And some social events are really nice distractions.

But I am tired.  I am tired of being asked how I feel.  Because I feel like I am supposed to say great when the truth is I feel pregnant (which is usually what I say).

 I really like the term “with child” because it’s not just me that is existing in this body. It’s not exactly another person yet either but someone is coming and growing and becoming a person.

 Regardless of what you believe this is a great time of mystery. Of standing in the hallway and not knowing which door I will be exiting from. I don’t really know who this person is going to be. I have a sense of her and it grows stronger most days, but I don’t know her yet. I just have the instinctual sense of who she is becoming but very little is written in stone yet.

It is a great time of waiting.  I feel like from the moment I know for sure I am pregnant time screeches to a halt and every day is a mini year, each week a decade, each month a lifetime, and those 10 months are the longest of my life

But looking back it seems to go by so fast. But going through it, it is so very slow.

 Every time I wake up I feel as though the baby belly is bigger. I am always hungry, even when I am eating. I am so sick of the small one complaining of what I am eating and of getting sick. It takes so long to recover.

 I miss naps. I need to reenact them next week. More afternoon naps which will lead to split days which will make each day feel longer and shorter but I need the sleep and so does she.

 I am so very tired but I am growing a person and keeping 4 others alive. That’s a lot of work besides running a business and looking after a homestead and a marriage and a life.

Join my launch mailing list (HERE), and stay up to date on my expanding family.

It is that time of year again.  When we feel like we barely have our feet under us from getting the kids used to going back to school or in our case all the fall activities.  And now we have to prepare for the barrage of the holiday season.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years

They are all rapidly (I first wrote that word as rabidly and that seems to fit too) approaching us.  And all the demands and needs surrounding these holidays. Costumes, gifts, and food. Social events, presents for acquaintances (like teachers, leaders, postal carriers, doormen etc.), photos to get ready for cards, and so much more.

Not to mention apple picking, pumpkin patch going to, corn mazes, haunted houses, turkey hunts, potlucks, tailgates, holiday parties, and if you are involved in school or scouts there is going to be some kind of money earning your kids are supposed to participate in. And if you are lucky you have some family birthdays thrown in as well.  We have two, one in mid-October and one in late December.

So how are we going to survive all this, I mean besides with alcohol, binge watching tv or loads of chocolate (and the inherent weight gain)?  Is there a possibility of doing it a different way?
Can we plan to do it differently now, at the beginning of October?  Is it even possible?

As Rebel Mom’s I say it is.  We can choose to have a different experience if we want it (I mean if all of the above makes you happy and excited, then go for it!).  Here are some ideas of ways we have survived the holiday season in the past.

Limit your social obligations.  For the exception of about two weeks in December, we can only do things on one weekend day of the week, every single week.  So we can go to a couple of events on a Saturday if we stay home on Sunday (or vice versa though there has to be a very compelling reason for me to leave my home on a Sunday afternoon/evening).  It is okay to say no. You can do it kindly by saying “I’m sorry we have plans already.” No one needs to know that your plans are some chill time with your couch. This keeps a lot of the meltdowns at bay.

• Think about food.  Ahead of time. 

Not something I excel at most of the time but super important and I feel like I am winning when I have.  When you know you are going to a potluck and you add it to your calendar (and accept the invite) write down what you are going to bring.  If you have food allergies or special needs (which I think most of us do these days) plan to bring something YOU CAN eat. If you are like me and feel like there is rarely enough veggies or protein at these things, then be sure to bring that. {Bonus points: have a few dishes that are inexpensive, easy to make and readily liked at parties and just rotate through them.  There is nothing wrong with being known as the person who always brings the delicious soba salad.} Feed your kids (and spouse) a snack before you go.  It will keep them from hoovering the food table as soon as they get there, and make sure that if for some reason there isn’t enough (or they were too busy playing to come and eat) they are not going to starve.

Also, it’s a good idea to have a snack for the way home. Hey, it’s apple season, it can be a simple as packing those up.

• Think about energy levels. 

If you know that you and/or your family is going to be out late, plan accordingly.  Quiet Time in the afternoon before you go if possible, and a later start the next day is a must.  I mean you can totally skip it. But I have found that to be a guarantee for epic meltdowns later. 

{Notice I said quiet time NOT nap time.  You can’t make your kids take a nap, especially if they don’t normally take one.  You can, however, insist that they lie down and do something quiet, like listening to an audiobook, reading a book, or coloring/drawing.  I would avoid tablets and tv if you can, but if that’s the only way to keep them still and quiet then go for it.}

• Think about Gift Giving.  NOW.

Even if all you do is write a list of who needs gifts and some thoughts about what you are going to give them.  I am due with number 5 in January. I already know there is no way in hell I am going to want to go shopping in December.  And that includes online shopping. I already have a mental list of what I am giving non-family members. I really need to write it down, though.  I told my girls last night to start thinking about what they want to give/make their leaders because we are not doing that last minute!

{Note in our house you have to put your wishes to Santa in by Halloween so he has time to make them.  This also means I have time to find them. No last minute additions. He has a billion of kids to deliver to, don’t stress the man in the red suit out!!}

• Think and Ask What is MOST important to your family? 

Every year we do this.  We sit down with the kids and ask them what they want to be included in the Thanksgiving menu, what activities they want to be doing during the Christmas season (and sometimes it surprises me the things they want and don’t want to do, goodbye caroling, can we spend the whole day building gingerbread instead?).

Do they want to go apple picking, pumpkin patch hunting or visit a haunted house? Do they even want to go trick or treating? What cookies do they want to make? If you ask, then you can all get on the same page and that way you don’t drag everyone to an activity that no one really wants to do. This way you can spend the time you do have, during the holiday season doing what people want to do, rather than things you feel like you HAVE to do!

Have I missed anything?  What do you do to make this season of holidays and social obligations more enjoyable?  I’ll be asking these questions on social media throughout the upcoming months so feel free to send me a reply or comment!  If we all band together we can truly have the holiday season we want to have!

Read more holiday stories and tips on how to stay sane HERE.