The Teenage Brain – A Book Review

by | Feb 2, 2018 | Neurology, Parenting

This week we are short a contributor so I thought I would review a parenting book that I have so far found very helpful and read just a few months ago.

 

I was drawn to The Teenage Brain thanks to a parenting book display at one of my local libraries. The secondary title of A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults

really spoke to me as someone who grew up in a scientist’s household and yet at the same time has this strange new create of a per-adolescent daughter of 11.

This book is written as a guide to parents, teachers, coaches, girl scout leaders, anyone really who is going to be working with humans from about 12 until 25 to30.

Yes you read that right, I said 25-30. Why? Because the brain is not done developing that all important frontal lobe (where all our control comes from and the ability to predict what might happen after we do a certain action) is not completely formed and developed until that late age of 25-30. Are you shocked yet? I was that it can take quite that long.

One of the most meaningful piece of information I have gotten from this book, at least in the short term of not quite having a teenager yet but staring at having one in less than 18 months is this. The ability to be able to predict that an action is going to need to happen in the future goes down between the ages of 10 – 20.

What does that mean in the life of a parent? To put it bluntly it means that my 6 year old is better at predicting that she might need to refill the cat’s water dish in a few hours because the cat just took a large drink than my 11 year old can predict that we just ate a big meal with a lot of baking and therefore there will need to be several loads of dishes put in the dishwasher as well as washed by hand!

So yes you do have to keep reminding, and reminding your teenager to do things, because they do not have the infrastructure in their brain yet to be able to predict it themselves, even if it’s something they need to do every single day.

This book also really brought home why things like driving, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and social media should all be controlled substances around kids up until at least their early twenties.

It also added some new research into understanding what is going in in the brains of those Millennials and all the generations coming after.

And this is scientifically backed by studies using functional MRI’s, and ways of imaging the brain that we have only had in the last decade or so.

This is new information. This is information you can share with your teenager to say “Oi, this is why I am telling you to do it this way.”

Your high school student may not be able to prioritize their homework. That maybe something you need to sit down with them every night and make sure they know the order in which they need to get it done. This doesn’t mean they are stupid, this is just how their brain works at this moment in time.

Just like you need to help teach your kids how to tie their shoes, you have to teach your teenagers how to deal with a world that thinks that they are already an adult before they actually have the infrastructure in their brain to be an adult.

Maybe this is why more and more 20 somethings are still living at home? Maybe this isn’t really the curse we think it is and is in fact a blessing in disguise?

This book was written to be shared with your teens. To sit on your bookshelf and be brought out when different issues come up. This book is filled with stories of the actually crazy stuff that actual teens have done, and in some cases how they turned out. Teenage brains are not set up to make good choices much of the time, but the more we tell these stories to our kids (and yes over and over again is preferred due to selective hearing and the repetition needed to create new pathways in the brain) the more likely they are to remember that there might be stupid/bad consequences to this action.

Or at least be willing to call for medical help when someone screws up and does something stupid. Because that seems preferable to kids dying.

This book even provides ideas of how teachers, parents, and even the justice system could be better designed to better serve our adolescents.

I highly recommend this, whether you have teenagers yet, or just work closely with anyone under the age of 30.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Losing My Shit (I’m not the only one right?)

by | Jan 30, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care, Tips and Techniques, Truth-Telling

Last week my hubby was home sick, I didn’t feel well but of course the kids were fine.  Seemed like the perfect recipe for some shit losing.

What is your recipe?

 

Some days we have no energy. As mothers there is just nothing left, we are stretched thin and there is nothing but the thinnest piece of skin between us and the world and if you touch it, if you blow on it, if you make it vibrate with your noise we just might get torn, be swept over the edge, have that be the end of us.

We most certainly will lose our shit. It will be gone, lost and what might erupt out of us is Goddess-Kali-like-volcanic-energy. We might swear, shout, scream and throw a tantrum that would put our two year old in the corner in a ball. We might just completely and utterly lose our shit.

No one wants to see that. We don’t want to admit that even ever happens (but it does, you know it does when we are pushed too far). So instead we ingest large quantities of caffeine, chocolate, sugar, alcohol.

We find a way to binge watch TV or to pick a fight with our spouse, because we are going to blow and if we don’t take immediate action, the mess we are about to make will not be pretty. Not a fucking pretty sight.

This is not something our kids deserve to see, or be on the receiving end. But I guarantee that most of us parents can’t make it through getting our kids to adulthood without at least one major scream fest. Some of us just try and keep it down to once a month or quarterly, but I guarantee it happens.

Does it have to be this way? Can we look back and find ways to keep ourselves from being so stretched thin that the slightest breeze tips us over the edge? Is there anyway to prevent this colossal blow up from occurring? Can we keep it from happening?

Well, your road is different than mine. But here are some of the ingredients that I have found that add to the recipe of blowing up for me:

  • Not getting enough sleep
  • Not getting enough help
  • The house looking like a total shit hole and no one but me gives a damn
  • Too many social events and not enough time at home
  • Driving for days
  • Not enough time to read a piece of fiction
  • Not any time to work on creating something with my hands
  • Life stress, like say moving
  • Not eating good food
  • Not enough sleep, oh did I mention that one already?

These for me are some of the key ingredients that make a volcanic explosion. Notice that baking soda and vinegar are not required. However not using them to clean things can be an ingredient.

Can I control some of these? Sure I can do my best to go to bed at a decent hour (though whether or not I get woken up is not necessarily something I can control).

I can allow my kids to only sign up for one extra curricular activity at a time. It won’t kill them to choose just one, I have four kids, it might kill me if they do more than one.

I can say no to social events, or more importantly keep one weekend day a week where we stay home, period, I don’t care how amazing your social event is, it’s not as amazing as my blow up later the next week because I didn’t get any time off.

I can hire a housekeeper. Haven’t done it yet, but you better believe it is on my bucket list, because my kids are not reliable cleaners….

I can make sure that I always have access to a good piece of fiction and that I can at least sneak away to read for 5 minutes a day.

I can have craft projects strew across the house so I am never far from one I can make.

I can speak to my hubby about my needs, and when they are not being met and find creative ways to get time off, like a long bath, a nap or just a sleep in day, or maybe he could just make the next couple of meals for me.

These things and more can happen and when they do the explosions get further apart. I am more often able to see they are coming and find a way to head them off, or explode away from my kids so they don’t have to be a part of it.

Will they ever truly go away? I don’t think so because I am human. And part of being human is losing your shit from time to time. Some of the most valuable lessons in life come from the shit losing.

Sometimes the only way to make space for something new is to lose something first, and yes sometimes that truly is our shit.

And sometimes those explosions turn out to be massive crying events rather than scream fests. Just Sayin’

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Exercising is not easy

by | Jan 23, 2018 | Movement, Parenting, Truth-Telling

Are we programming our children to stop moving?

 

Exercise is not Easy

Especially around kids

I mean some of us are kinetic and like to move, and certainly that is the way most humans seem to be born into the world

But then so many things go wrong.

We go to school, or doctors offices, or other places where the adults in our lives asks us to sit still.

to calm down

to stop moving so much

And I get it, as a parent who is on a constant vigil to keep these kids alive.

Sometimes I am too tired to continue to watch them moving.

Much too tired for that.

But this is how we learn not to move.

By being told to sit still

Discovering TV, smart phones, video games

things that passively entertain us

Even hand crafts like sewing or quilting, knitting, crocheting and needlework slow us down

and make us sit still

and then slowly but surely our bodies start to complain

Aches and lack of flexibility

Injuries when we go and actually play with our kids

Years working in an office in front of a computer

These all cause us to stop moving

So then the siren call of exercise starts. Especially if we have gained weight,

or just gotten slumpy in the mirror.

But most of it isn’t fun

It’s just something we do because we bought the program, bought the gym membership, bought the idea that if we do lots and lots of aerobics we will be happy again

We will look like the models, or the amazing mothers on TV.

Because who really wants to admit to stretch marks?

Or that we’d rather eat chocolate and ice cream and catch up on our sleep than move our bodies.

Because watching our children and keeping them from committing suicide accidentally, because they are constantly moving is

Exhausting

But yet we have to move our bodies too…

How do we change this?

How do we figure this out?

How do we stop shaming our bodies, our lives, ourselves?

Because after years of being told to sit still, we now suddenly have to move. Our brains aren’t wired to move any more, our body doesn’t remember, and yet if we can keep at it, day in and day out it will help.

At least we can try, to give ourselves grace. To understand it’s our fault and not our fault.

And to just make the subtlest choices to stand instead of sit, to walk instead of drive, to dance instead of sit still.

And maybe every now and then not admonish our children to sit still.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

I am Ignoring my Kids, how about you?

by | Jan 16, 2018 | Parenting, Teenagers, Truth-Telling

I can’t be the only mom with selective hearing right?

 

I am trying to write a blog post.

My youngest two daughters on the other hand think that it is time to sit in my office and paint their nails.

Their nails, right now, while chattering no, make that, shouting at each other.

While I am trying to write.

While I am writing, because I have gotten good at the art of selective hearing.

It’s not just for men any more.

I am not really listening to them.

I am doing my utmost to ignore them.

Seriously I am tuning out the noise as much as humanly possible and just listening for some key words/sounds.

Mom, which can be continued to be ignored for at least an additional 30 seconds.

Accident, now that requires instant investigation.

Synonyms are oops, darn it, did you see that said in the right tone and I’m sorry.

But the general fighting/squabbling, -wait I mean talking – that can be ignored.

Completely.

So I can write this. For you to read, while you are probably ignoring some strange chattering sounds your kids are making.

Unless you are reading this in silence. If that is the case then you had better STOP reading. RIGHT. NOW.

Because we all know that if the kids are awake and with you, sounds of silence need to be investigated.

Unless of course they are teenagers.

But even then if there are any other teenagers involved I plan to investigate. Because you never know. It may be perfectly harmless. But if it’s not then I want to know what is going on.

Right Now.

But as long as I can hear them. As long as they are chatting/fighting/making noise, then I can write this for you.

Is it any wonder by the time my hubby comes home at night my ears are tired?

My auditory load is overwhelmed?

That if I have to listen to one more fucking word from my kids I might explode?

Okay the last bit isn’t EVERY night. Just sometimes.

When is playing outside without wet icky stuff tracked inside my house happening?

Wait can you hear that?

I can’t either.

Time to find out what is going on!

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Cabin Fever

by | Jan 9, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

What does a wicked cold front for weeks plus two blizzards and holidays equal?  Why Cabin Fever of course!

 

It has been an interesting re-entry into the world and introduction to 2018.

Starting before Christmas we got wicked cold weather here in Maine, and when I say wicked, I mean highs not getting above freezing and single digits in Fahrenheit people (which trump’s Celsius when describing the cold any day)!  Which means my kids have been inside.

For weeks.

Inside.  I have four kids remember?  At 11, 9, 4 and almost 6 that is a lot of people taking up space.  Oh and my hubby was home between Christmas and New Years as well.  Which means six of us and the cat in a three bedroom two floor house.

Yay.  That’s interesting.  What I realized last week as we were facing a Bombogenesis which is just a hurricane out of season that dumps a shit tonne of snow and wind and then scoopes arctic air from you guessed it the Arctic – that we have full blown cabin fever at my house.

Yes, it’s only the beginning of January, and therefore seems way too soon for such a malady.

But here let me list the symptoms:

  • Way more girl-on-girl fighting than normal, and some of it getting physical.
  • They are actually bored with what they are allowed to watch on tv
  • New colossal games are organized, and then soon abandoned with the pieces strewn everywhere
  • Parental tolerance and patience flew out the window a long time ago
  • The words “I don’t know what to do” are spoken often because they know if they say “I’m Bored” chores will be handed out
  • They are actually wanting to do things they normally put off just to have something to do…

And we are only in the single digits of January.  The local weather forecasters suggested that this winter we would be front-loaded with snow and storms early on, and so far that has panned out.  I am just hoping that they are right about the front-loaded part and that maybe by say the end of March we will be done with the white stuff.

Wait the end of March?

That’s fucking months from now.

I am going to need more wine, beer, and books.  Oh and maybe a better set of noise canceling headphones.

Yep that should do me.  And hours behind a locked door.  Yep that’s good.

That should help me get to spring

And lovely MUD SEASON!

 

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.