Low Grade Fevers

by | Nov 6, 2018 | Parenting

As adults when we get a low grade fever and we are no longer surrounded by doting parents what do we do??

Kids get them all the time. From the time they are babies and teething until I don’t know early teens? My eldest is only 12 and she still gets them every now and then.

As adults by the time, we get a low grade fever and we are no longer surrounded by doting parents, we often have to muscle through whatever we have on our schedule anyway. We still have obligations we have to meet, homes we have to take care of, pets, children and partners to feed.

Sometimes we can call it all in and call it a day. Sometimes we can tell our invisible assistant to cancel all of our appointments and reschedule. Sometimes we can feel the fever coming and clear our schedule ahead of time. Those are the good times.

Often though we can’t see a way around what we have planned to do. Or if we do decide to call out for pizza for dinner we feel like a failure afterward (because let’s face it pizza is not going to help us heal from this stupid fever). Or that we are being judged.

Because the moment we don’t feel well we start to feel like everyone is looking at us (even though with the exception of our children probably no one is looking at us). It is frustrating. But it is real and it happens and we get under the weather.

And then what. How often do we keep going, keep pushing, trying to find ways to still get everything done with time that is slipping away too fast because everything is taking longer because we just can’t think straight. We just can’t wrap our heads around what is going on and would everyone please just shut up and turn all that noise off?

Maybe we ignored the first signs. Maybe we barreled through
them and now it’s near the end of the day and we still have to drive home and we are oh, so very tired.

Maybe people are counting on us. Maybe we were actually feeling good a few minutes ago. Maybe that last crying session of our kids was what threw us over the edge. Maybe that comment on social media that was meant to be nice just stings so much.

So what can you do? Now you are here and you don’t feel well but you usually can’t drop all of your balls yet. What do you do?

I try to stop and take a deep breath and look at what absolutely has to happen. I need to be in a safe mind space to drive everyone home. Does that mean I need to get a drink/pee/buy a coffee/get some food? Do I need to listen to uplifting music or an audiobook or silence on this drive home?

Can I ask hubby to make dinner, can I pull something out of the freezer? Is it really a good time to bring home something easy for dinner (minus the pizza as that usually just makes me feel sicker, your mileage may vary). Does dinner just need to be cold cereal and milk for the kids and maybe a hot cocoa for me? Can I go to bed early or take a nap for a few minutes between obligations today?

How can my partner support me? Let’s double up on some vitamins, that can’t make this situation any worse right? Can I take a bath after the kids go to bed, or while they watch tv? Is there a friend who can take my kids for a while?

There are almost always ways to clear your plate at least a little. Can you sleep in for a few extra minutes tomorrow morning? Going to bed early is almost always an option. Can you get someone else to go to that meeting? Can you lean on another parent and carpool to that after school activity? Can you get some other kids to come over and play with your kids? I swear that usually takes less energy than my having to entertain my own kids.

And most importantly what can you put in place for the next time this happens? Because there will be a next time. You will get under the weather again. What can you put in place (including actually getting that assistant who can clear your schedule), so that next time it will be easier and you can just let it go and
take care of yourself.

I guarantee you will feel better faster.

If you just surrender. And maybe eat some bone broth.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Halloween Costumes Might Just Kill Me

by | Oct 30, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Halloween costumes. They just might do me in. I think I should just hide and declare Halloween over. Here’s a bunch of candy, go get the child’s version of a hangover and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

It is that time of year again. Immediately upon taking down all the back to school shit (and sometimes even before that) they put up all the Halloween costumes. I think it is supposed to coincide with pumpkin lattes being released originally but now it just seems to be whenever the company that owns the store decides to rotate stock.

Then it becomes even more impossible to shop with your kids. It’s a bit like a prequel to Christmas where you kids always want to go down the Christmas aisles to see all the ornaments and you feel like the mothers in A Miracle on 34th Street, where they really do not want to stand in line to see Santa Claus or buy any more presents.

Halloween costumes are like the prequel to that. To get you ready for all the commercialism of Christmas. And it seems to start with the candy. And early. I was in Sam’s Club in August and they had big jugs of Halloween Pretzels to pass out to trick-or-treaters. With pretzels shaped as Jack-o-Lanterns and Bats. I had to buy them of course on the off chance that we actually get some trick-or-treaters in the new house, and on the even better chance that my kids will eat them as snacks when we need to take car trips.

But beyond the candy, and how that either all gets eaten in one night or sticks around for the rest of the year, and seeing sugar everywhere, there are the costumes.

Oh my gawd the costumes. Thank goodness my kids don’t go to school and really do not have a lot of opportunity to share notes with other kids. Because here’s the thing. I am one crafty mama. I could totally Pinterest up the stuff I make, but frankly, my house is never that clean and the lighting is usually dark because it is after the kids go to bed. So it just doesn’t happen.

But here is the problem with being a crafty mama. I have four kids. That could mean four unique handmade costumes every fucking year that they are only going to wear for a couple of hours at most right? Because yes my girls do love to play dress up, but no they would much rather put on bigger people’s clothes than wear actually costumes that anyone took any time to make. Seriously.

So I have the skills. But I do not have the interest or the time. And since my kiddos got some theater grade costume hand me downs years ago, I decided I am not doing costumes. You have plenty of costumes already taking up floor space around the house, you are creative, you can figure this out. I am willing to be a sounding board and help you think about how you can do things, but I am not, no way going to help you. You’ve got that yourself.

This has worked for years. My eldest is 12 after all. Beyond occasionally dressing up myself (and only if I absolutely have to) I have been uninvolved in costuming. And it’s been great.

But then my youngest announced about six months before Halloween that she wanted to dress up as Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. And she is perfect for it with the long blond hair that can be swept back, and she has the personality of a Slytherin to a tee. But we do not have any cloaks and Harry Potter type costume stuff because my kids have never shown an interest before.

So I talked to her about making a Slytherin scarf to go with her costume. I even found a free pattern on the web and my mother offered to start it while she was visiting this summer. And she probably got about 18 inches of the scarf done. But here’s the thing. I hate knitting scarves. And I have other handwork projects
going on right now. And that same child had her first birthday party this year as she turned 5 and the guest list was small enough that I made all the kids either unicorn headbands or bear headbands depending on the gender. So there is no way in hell that scarf is getting down by Halloween (well actually before because it’s a Wednesday this year so Halloween takes place the Saturday before in most cases), especially when I discovered that Target had a better one complete with fringe and the actual Slytherin coat of arms for $7. So I ordered that instead to go with the Slytherin shirt we bought her months ago for her birthday.

And of course being 5 after months of saying she was going to be Draco Malfoy for Halloween the closer we get to it the less she seems to want to be willing to dress up as Draco. It is enough to drive a parent insane.

Meanwhile my 10 year old didn’t get a cool headband for the birthday party because I was doing the birthday girl and guest first. So she needs me to finish up gray cat ears for her before I leave in 36 hours to be gone for 72 hours because she might be going to a Halloween party while I am gone. I have already made fox ears for the 6 year old. Thank goodness the 12 year old seems unimpressed. I am unimpressed. How did I manage to get roped into helping with costumes this year?

How can I make it stop?

Because they just might kill me. Halloween costumes. They just might do me in. Hearing about all my crafty and non crafty friends making them for their kids. And not wanting to spend my money on buying them the cheap nasty costumes in the store (because you know how I feel about shopping with my kids period). I think I should just hide and declare Halloween over. Here’s a bunch of candy, go get the child’s version of a hangover and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

Yep, that sounds like a great idea!

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Seasons Change

by | Oct 23, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care, Truth-Telling

Seasons change and whether we want it to happen or not so do our kids and ourselves. Transition periods suck. I don’t think they get any less sucky the older we get. I think we begin to learn that this is part of the rhythms of life.

Whether we want them to or not and so do our kids. Sometimes it seems like the difficult stage they are in lasts for millennia because once they morph into an easier stage we don’t tend to notice it has even happened. We are too busy either dealing with another kid in a similar difficult stage, or the ease of this new stage is just enjoyed without our really noticing it and then the next thing we know, we are back there again, back to another slightly newer difficult stage.

Most of these difficult stages are actually transition phases between one part of development and the next. What is funny (not really) is that this continues into our adulthood, but can at times be harder to see.

My business coach has to keep reminding me that moving to a new house is like having a baby, it takes time after you have moved in to really get your roots down. I keep thinking I should know this because this is not my first move, this is my fourth move in Maine and I have moved many, many times before. But yet each
time it brings up new things, even if you are moving the same stuff. Even if you have moved before, moved with the same kids/family before it always brings up stuff, well after the move. Even if you think you are done processing, the rest of your family may not be.

So these difficult stages keep happening to us, even as adults. Sometimes they seem random and unfair, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the need to start a new job in a new city. It is like stages of grief, you never really know when they are going to hit you again, even though you feel like gone through it before.

But some of them are a bit more predictable. The birth of a new baby, getting married, getting divorced, these are obvious periods of transition and with them growth.

Less obvious ones include the time after those things, the periods after you have the big date, the big vacation you have waited forever for, when you are making a career change, starting a new major change in your lifestyle, getting a new pet or losing one. These are all periods of transition that we tend to ignore
or not realize they have as much of an impact as they do.

Perhaps that is where the 20/20 hindsight comes from?

Autumn has arrived here in Maine, today it is not getting above 50 degrees and it is still September. However in two more days it will be 70 again, classic New England fall transition. Because of this and having just moved and getting ready to publish this book, and do a lot of visibility and community growth as part of preparing for the launch of this book, I feel like I am in one of those icky transition periods.

My body feels different to me, and I am fighting the need to exercise and sleep and rest with equal measure. My emotions are a bit all over the show and I am finding it easy to snap at people (though most of it is staying in my head and not coming out of my mouth).

There is the inevitable need to prepare for winter. To work on our property and prepare for upcoming snow falls that will happen all to soon. To build a shed to be able to store the tools over winter and to actually want to be outside exploring and enjoying the fall weather before we have to bundle up our bodies to stay warm.

There is also the drawing in. Most of my Christmas shopping is done except for the Santa requested gifts. There are knit along and quilt-a-longs I want to take part of as we spend more time inside and less time outside. There is the need to gather food and supplies and books in case we get snowed in. Even though we
probably will not, there is the biological drive to do this this time of year.

All this while feeling icky. While upholding new boundaries around my work, while becoming more visible in my business.

Transition periods suck. I don’t think they get any less sucky the older we get. I think we begin to learn that this is part of the rhythms of life, the ebb and flow but I don’t think it gets any easier to go through because each time it is different. Each time it is less fun. But necessary. It will happen and if you fight against it, it will just take longer. Like a toddler’s tantrum or a preteen waiting for everyone to leave before she decides to talk to you.

I just want to get more sleep. Or knit and sew or just have the world leave me alone. But that’s not what is happening quite yet. I try to carve out time each day for those things to happen. But Monday mornings can be hard as my kids transition back into not interrupting me every five minutes in the morning.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Play With Me

by | Oct 16, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

There are two types of parents: those that can sit down and immerse themselves in the imaginary games of their children and those like me who really can’t anymore. Which one are you?

The cry of every small and not so small child everywhere. Will someone please play with me. It has become more of an issue lately as my eldest at 12 is less interested in playing imaginary games as each day goes by. My 4 and 6 year old don’t always get along any more and since they have always grown up with two older sisters to interact with them, they tend not to just play with each other.

But this weekend they are going to have to. My older two are going overnight camping for 2 nights and my hubby and I will be home with just the younger two. And we have things we need to do, it can’t just be a play with me all day kind of weekend.

The parents that can sit down and just immerse themselves in the imaginary games of their children and the parents like me who really can’t anymore. I can sing silly songs, and tell stories and read lots of picture books, but please, please, please don’t ask me to play an imaginary game with me. I’d rather deal with sore losers and sore winners while playing a tabletop game than have to play an imaginary one. I guess my brain needs to have some kind of framework. Some kind of rules. Or maybe I have simply been sleep deprived for so long I am not sure what my brain does like anymore.

Or maybe its the limitlessness of it all. Like I could go on wild tangent games for say half an hour but I can’t do it all day or no one is going to have anything to eat. It just isn’t going to work.

I remember reading Fierce Kingdom which is about the three hours in which a mom and her four year old son are hiding at the local zoo because someone is shooting people. And she will do anything to keep her son quiet. I totally get that. While I have not been in that kind of life or death situation with my kids (thank goodness) I have certainly been on public transportation or an airplane and really wanted my kids to be well behaved and quiet. Waiting rooms and checkout lines come to mind. I have been so tired from a nursling that I have let my other kids watch tv way longer than I should have just so I could take a nap. It feels like negotiating with terrorists sometimes.

Maybe this is like mediating and something I just fail at. I have tried meditation for years, off and on. Pretty much anytime Deepak Chopra and Oprah hold another free 21 day meditation I sign up. I think the longest I have made it is about 8 days in a row. I usually end up falling asleep.

I know the research. I know mediation is supposed to be good for my brain and I really should learn how to do it. I prefer walking in the woods or knitting personally. I find my brain stops it’s constant spinning when I do those things. I have yet to find that saying Om

And I am done with judging myself about it. I haven’t found a form of meditation that works for me. Hell, I am still working on a regular morning walking practice, but I figure every day it happens is better than any day it doesn’t and some days sleep is actually more important.

It is the small everyday steps that matter rather than the big juicy moments. Those matter too but our life is made in the small steps. Deciding to get up in the morning, making sure everyone is fed, making sure to take some time for yourself, even if that means binge watching tv or in my case starting a new craft project before I have finished the last one.

These are the things we do. And this weekend is going to be interesting because my hubby and I have some computer projects we want to get done. And yet our younger two will just have each other to play with. I wonder if the neighbor kids will come and play? I am not sure who they like to play with the most, so not having the older kids might matter.

Only time will tell.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

I am Stealing Baby Snuggles

by | Oct 9, 2018 | Parenting

I must confess… I am a baby snuggle steal-er! This quiet time is amazing for many reasons and inspires deep reflections. Today I share with you my contemplations from my recent snuggle time.

I have a confession to make. I have been stealing snuggles. From a baby that is not my own. From a cute little boy who is under 3 months old but like my babies is about 15 pounds already.

He is totally not mine. He is a dear friend’s unexpected gift. The beautiful uh-oh that some of us are lucky enough to receive (mine is almost 5, when the hell did that happen? And more importantly how have we managed to keep her alive this long????).

He’s a beautiful healthy fourth child with three older siblings who are close enough in age to my four and more importantly all play together beautifully. So much so that neither I nor their mom minds looking after the other’s kids because it ends up being less work for us, less cranky whining and more kids outside. We joke that we just have to throw food at them from time to time and other than that we can ignore the collective 7 of them.

But I have been stealing snuggles from this wee one. His parents don’t mind. They are both staying at home full time and are happy for anyone else to hold his royal heaviness for a while. When we can visit on weekends my hubby also comes to snuggle this wee one. And I am reminded of that side of my husband that only comes out when holding the very small. He’s got a special smile just for the babies in our lives.

Before the arrival of this community baby, I was considering one more. I approaching 40 so it seemed like a good time to think about if we were fully done having kids or not. But after spending a while with this one and being reminded of everything that comes with a newborn… We’re done. Seriously. We’re good over here!

Because the joy of getting to help look after this small one and getting to visit him on an average of every 10 days or so, is that we only get the best parts. One time I arrived on a day where he had been cluster feeding all night and his mum was more than happy to hand him off, and the timing was such that he took a three hour nap on me. JOY.

He’s a pretty happy baby most of the time from what I gather but I am so very grateful he is not interrupting my sleep. I am also grateful not to have nursing mama brain, as my dear friend complained today when she couldn’t get words out, that she does know words, she’s a writer for goodness sake!

I would happily change his diaper, and I am totally signed up for helping keeping him alive for the next few years (I always found mobile to 3 especially difficult to parent) especially since it will be just for visits and then he will go back home and back to his mother and family.

Especially since he comes with his other siblings that keep my kids super busy playing outside and making stuff.

Especially since right now he usually just needs someone to hold him, bounce or walk him around and now that he is starting to make smiles, someone to make faces with. I intimately know the signs of hunger from a nursling and I am happy to hand him off.

Maybe this is what being a grandparent is like? Getting the snuggles and the sleepy cuddles without all the gross bodily fluids? Getting to see the light in my daughter’s eyes when they get to hold him. Feeling like I am giving back for all the help I asked for and received when mine were small. I really don’t mind. We are happy to help.

And the reward of baby snuggles are more than worth it. I remember how relieving it was to have someone else hold my baby for a while.

Hopefully, we are helping to provide breaks to this family. And it’s not really just our selfish desire to hold this sweet little soul. Who this time next year we will be kept safe as he starts to really explore the world and get into all the things that we all must get into when we start walking around. I know how fleeting this time is. Every time I see him he is bigger, our visits are infrequent enough that I can see the growth, but frequent enough that he recognizes me when I get to hold him, and snuggles right in.

So that’s it I confess! I am a baby snuggle steal-er! And I don’t plan on changing it anytime soon!

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.