Grateful for…

by | Nov 26, 2019 | Parenting

It’s the week of Thanksgiving here in the States so for most Americans this is a time to gather with family, friends and feast. What does gratitude mean to you and how do you share that with your family?
 

It’s the week of Thanksgiving here in the States, so of course, everyone is talking about gratitude.  What they are thankful for, how to teach gratitude to their children, prepping for the commercial barrage that has already started for Christmas (am I the only one who has been seeing tonnes of pre- Black Friday sales since Halloween?).

 

Yes we should stop and think about what we are thankful for.  And without going into the whole politics of Thanksgiving and how the mythos of the first thanksgiving is probably wrong, for most Americans this is a time to gather with family, friends, and feast.

 

I have a friend who hates Thanksgiving because she always ends up spending it with family, cooking most of it and she just doesn’t feel supported.  We are nowhere near our family (the closest is in Ohio the rest in New Zealand or Australia) so we have always taken turns getting together with different friends on Thanksgiving Day and ending the day with desserts and tabletop games into the wee hours.

 

Last year on the way home from Thanksgiving my 5 year old needed to pee and there was no place to stop.  We offered hanging her butt out the window as there was snow on the ground but she was uninterested in that solution.  At the last minute, I remembered that we were going by the hospital and they are always open. Sure enough, I think we made the ER’s night when I walked in with four girls and all we wanted was to use their bathroom.  The nurse made a big deal to my younger ones that the hospital is always there for the bathroom if they ever need it. It is great to have a non-painfilled memory of one of our local hospitals.

 

I have talked in previous posts about our gratitude tree and how we have in the past talked about one thing we are grateful for before eating our dinner.  We have fallen off doing that lately as life has felt chaotic and we are just happy to have dinner on the table. I should probably start it up again.

 

I have done gratitude lists myself off and on over the last few years.  I can’t say it’s a practice I keep constantly. But I do think about it constantly.  I do take deep breaths and sink into the moment and appreciate it for what it is. I just don’t always get it written down.  I am always grateful for cups of coffee, cuddle time with our three cats and this growing wiggly baby inside. I am grateful for heat in the winter and cool breezes in the summer and the pig in our freezer.  I am grateful for family and friends and the relationships my children are building in the world. I am grateful for having food to eat. This is not just true on Thanksgiving or in the month of November. This is always true.  And I do my best to think about it a lot. The other day I was thankful for rain instead of snow. I am thankful for the reusable choices we have made so that we are not always having to buy something for that solution. I am grateful for small things like subscription boxes of feminine products for my girls and being able to buy toilet paper in bulk because if I had to remember these things on my own we would never have it.

 

What about you?  Do you just remember to talk about gratitude this time of year or is it something you try to always incorporate into your life? What does gratitude mean to you and how do you share that with your family?

PS. Read more Brutal Honesty about Motherhood and Other Sh*t We Pretend We Love HERE.
Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

The (r)EVOLUTION of Becoming a Mama

by | Nov 21, 2019 | Parenting

Sarah Spiegel Dunn joins us for her continued telling of her Motherhood journey.                                                                                                                             
“It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my body. It was all about this tiny being and getting him safely to the world. I had no thought for anything else except his SURVIVAL.                                                     
Then a powerful and amazing thing began to happen for me in the first weeks of being a new mama.”
It was two weeks before my due date, and I found myself at Target close to closing time, hunting for the perfect night gown to wear during labor. A “labor outfit” was something on so many of the “what to pack for the hospital” lists, and it seemed really important to me in those last weeks of me time as I waited for my son’s arrival. As I hemmed and hawed over the right one, another pregnant mama who looked equally as pregnant as I appeared, and as we connected and realized how close our due dates were, she shared that she too was searching for a labor outfit.  Flash forward THREE weeks later to the hospital on day three of my induction (baby boy was pretty cozy in there) and the labor outfit was tucked away in my hospital bag, completely forgotten. I had been wearing a robe and a nursing bra for most of the labor, but when it came close to pushing time and my doula asked me, “do you want to get naked so you can be skin to skin when he arrives?” I said yes without hesitation. Thus I found myself totally naked (as so many mamas who had gone before told me I probably would be), entirely unconcerned with anyone around me and focused only on the task at hand.  There was no time for modesty. I pushed and breathed and counted and did all the things, and eventually held my son for the first time still completely naked in a room full of hospital staff.  The point of sharing this somewhat long story about being in my birthday suit for my son’s birth day? Boundaries FLY out the window in the event of creating and welcoming life. At least they did for me.  It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my body. It was all about this tiny being and getting him safely to the world. I had no thought for anything else except his SURVIVAL.  That theme, which started there in labor, was a thread that snuck its way into the moments, hours, days after labor, into the months after labor.  My brain started to focus on protecting this tiny new human at all costs. It was instinctual and shocked me with its intensity.  Hours later, still numb from my epidural and not able to walk, we hosted our first guests in our hospital room. I found myself smiling and making small talk and passing this new being around, but also exhausted and wanting alone time and wanting to soak in those first moments with my son. And all the worries snuck in.  Was he ok? Did he need to eat? Was he warm enough?  Did he feel safe? And could someone just please hand my son back to me!!?  This was the first time post partum, I would allow a boundary of mine to be crossed without speaking up for myself. And although there would be several more instances like this one in the first weeks of my son’s life, these would also be some of the last times I would let someone else set the rules for what I was comfortable with.  Once we left the hospital, I felt myself fading into the background as loved ones excitedly came to meet our new arrival. They were excited to see me, but could they hold the baby? I needed to nurse, but could I just do it there or wait a little while longer so they could hang out with the baby? They knew I was tired, but could they just stay and visit a bit longer?  After a few weeks (or days that felt like weeks) of observing these shifts around me, I felt a change within me. How could others give me what I needed if I never shared what it was? If I never established the boundary? I couldn’t expect them to magically know what felt comfortable and uncomfortable.  A powerful and amazing thing began to happen for me in the first weeks of being a new mama. A ferocity, a direct-ness, and a power emerged that I had never felt before and that I didn’t know I was even capable of.  Years of struggling to say what I needed, years of me working on speaking up and “living my truth” as a friend so often reminded me, melted away, because now it wasn’t just about me. It was also about my son.  It’s evolutionary: the need to protect and put the child first. The need to be close. The literal strings we may feel those first times we are separated.A new identity as a mama bear started to emerge. And it felt awesome.  And I began to wonder:  with all of that emotion; all of this love and protectiveness and fierceness, how do I stay me?   How DO we as mothers stay true to ourselves and our passions and not LOSE that spark that was so easy to hold before becoming a parent? Not lose ourselves entirely in the new role of fierce mama while also still embracing it?  And how do we do that when it’s a societal norm to also push the parent to the background a bit and focus so much on the child?  For me, finding time that is MY time has been so important. It’s finding 20 minutes to exercise (which started out as a way to reclaim my body but has become a huge source of calm and sanity to me!). It’s finding time to meditate for two minutes. It’s finding time to SHOWER. Yes, last week I realized I only got a shower in two days out of seven. (sorry not sorry.) But getting showered and dressed before my partner heads off to work makes me feel like a HUMAN being.  Getting sweaty for twenty minutes a day helps me clear the fog of my brain and see things a bit more clearly.  These moments were harder to come by at first, and it took some serious effort to stay consistent in creating space and time for me. The early days postpartum of finding mama solo time may be literally three minutes and then running back in the nursery to scoop up a crying baby. Eventually it may be ten minutes. Eventually naps (MIGHT) happen and it could be twenty.  I am learning the constant evolution of being a mama and still being me. The two are connected. They will continue to shift and grow. I am a mama. And I am who I was before I became one. Other dear mama friends and I are constantly in the conversation of boundary setting, learning when we fail to do so, and then circling back to try again. Just when we think we’ve got it, the baby or child changes, we change, the circumstances change, and we find something new to work through. We are in it together. And it doesn’t have to be perfect. That’s the evolution of it all.   
Sarah Spiegel Dunn has had a long time love of building and supporting community and enjoys creating connection and transformation for individuals and groups through classes, workshops, transformational retreats, and trainings both locally and internationally. She loves the process of mentoring other yoga teachers through her one on one programs and supporting them in growing their own businesses and following their dreams. In 2016, Sarah quit her 9-5 job to open Samudra Studio in Saco, which she has grown into a thriving community since then. Samudra will open its second location later this winter in downtown Biddeford. Sarah gave birth to her son, Walden, last Valentines day and has enjoyed the journey into motherhood and learning to navigate being both a thriving, successful business owner and dedicated mama. When she’s not teaching yoga or spending time with her sweet family, you’ll catch her at the beach with her fur babies.

NO-vember Parenting Style

by | Nov 19, 2019 | Parenting

Do you like this idea of No-vember? I’m loving it ! For me, it sounds like a really healthy way to walk into the super hectic holiday season and maybe really think about what things you do want to invite into your holiday celebrations.
 

I do not normally get on social media bandwagons.  I tend to be just too outside the norm for them to really work for me.  But this year when I so the No-vember memes I thought they were great!

No-vember a time to say no to the things you don’t want to do.  That sounds like a really healthy way to walk into the super hectic holiday season and maybe really think about what things you do want to invite into your holiday celebrations.  Saying no to social events you don’t want to go too. Say no to gift exchanges you don’t want to be a part of. Whatever feels right to you.

But then I got to thinking about what it’s like to say No as a parent.  My hubby when we first started our parenting journey together tended to have the default of saying no to every request.  Then sometimes he would think about it and come back and change his mind and turn it into a yes. I tend to be more of a “why not” parent or at least a “let me think about how we can make this work” kind of parent.

Example – this weekend my 6 year old came to me asking if she could paint.  Now my house is currently in a small state of chaos as we do some home repairs so the idea of paint everywhere was not my idea of fun.  Also, I had no idea what paint she was talking about, even though she insisted she got it for Christmas. So instead of just saying no (which let’s be honest is what my pregnant state wanted me to do), I asked her to show me her paint.  Which turned out to be washable crayola paint. I then asked if she would be willing to paint outside on the porch. She and my almost 8 year old agreed and off they went to paint happily for quite a while. I just had to provide a jar with water for brush cleaning.

So that is what I try to do most of the time.  But I still say no to a lot of things. Only one piece of Halloween candy a day and after today it’s pretty much gone.  Only limited media time. You have to do your chores before said media time, etc.

And this year there has been a lot of no, Santa can’t actually get you that.  Not because of a financial issue so much as, you don’t need more of things you already have.  No one is getting legos this year, we have a baby entering our life again a month after Christmas.  My elders are doing better with their requests. My almost 8 year old still wants to add things even though I have explained that it’s past Halloween and Santa has his list.  She still wants to adjust things.

I feel like I still say no a lot.  And most of the time it’s a good thing.  Limits help kids feel safe, help families stay connected, and help us all not fall into constant sickness.  Limits also help kids learn negotiation skills, something they will continually need throughout their lives.  

I just try not to say no reactively.  I try to have my no’s be reasonable or thought out.  Not just I’m irritated that this is the fourth time someone has interrupted me in the past half hour.  I am not perfect. I have bad days too. But I try to be aware of how often I am saying no.

What about you?  Do you like this idea of No-vember?  Or do you think it’s just another silly fad?

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

And this is why I don’t cook dinner…

by | Nov 14, 2019 | Parenting

Jannine Gaudet is back with us!!

She says – “There is a reason why I don’t really cook that much but I decided that one night when  my husband was on a business and I was on my own with the kids, that this would be the best time to try something new.”

Here is how the night went…

 

 

There is a reason why I don’t really cook that much.

I have a beautiful love affair with my crockpot/instant pot. But an actual read a recipe, prepare ingredients, and produce a wholesome meal with all sorts of sides? Ummmm…not so much.

You think as a most of the time stay at home mom I would be Martha Stewerting it up all over the place. But I am seriously hopeless at cooking, it causes me serious anxiety.

My husband is WAY better at it and actually ENJOYS it (he is a nerd and a weirdo, what can I say). So most of our meals come from him.

Here comes an example of why I am a bit of a mess in the kitchen and why I do not have dinner on the table waiting when my husband comes home from work.

I once tried to make a tea that helps with getting rid of a cold. I decided that one night when my husband was on a business and I was on my own with the kids, that this would be the best time to try something new.

So the recipe is as follows, and it was given to me by a friend, who makes it ALL THE TIME, with no problems:

Ingredients:
2 cinnamon sticks
Half a lemon of juice
6-8 half dollar slices of fresh ginger root
2-4 tbsp honey
Dash of nutmeg
Dash of cayenne (optional)
Pot of water (8 cups)

Directions:
Add all ingredients to a pot on the stove and simmer for 30-45 minutes.

Looks simple right, RIGHT? YOU WOULD THINK SO!!!!

Here, however, is how the Jannine version of this night went…

-First I did a complete search of my house. Ok, so I really just stared at the spice rack for 10 minutes. That’s when I realized I didn’t own any of these ingredients fresh and I would have to use dried ones…ok..fine..I can roll with that.

– My husband had left on a business trip for 5 days and I had to use the stove. That may not mean much to some of you, but the stove and I don’t always get along. So this was a big deal.

– I gathered what spices I COULD find and improvised, which in my world means, I ran around frantically in my kitchen until I found what I could you, ,and then I spilled everything on myself..sneezing commences for a bit.

– I put in the cinnamon, ginger, and a dash (which turns into a cloud) of cayenne, lemon (which I did not have so I used lime..cause, hey citrus).

– I turned on the gas stove without setting my eyebrows on fire, stirred the spices into the water, and made a rue.. I bet you didn’t think I knew what that was, but I do! Just in case YOU don’t know that that is, it is a base for sauce..I think.

– After trying to put 8 cups of water into a pan, I discovered the pan was way too small for 8 cups of water. Then I spilled most of it on the stove, looked around to clean it up, and figure water will evaporate, so I left it. I managed to find a bigger pot, poured in the water and the rue, and proceed to let it boil.

– My cat tried to lick up the spices that were on the floor and realized that he doesn’t like ginger. So he ran around to his water bowl as fast as he could..while nearly tripping me on his way

-At that point, the whole ordeal was becoming comical so I decided to write some of it down to share later. Because, I was obviously going to forget, mom brain.

-I got a text message..phone was upstairs..went to get the phone..husband had landed safely..nice.

-Went back down, realized I had forgotten to add honey to the mixture. I had a huge jar of it and the cap came loose while I was pouring it in. So, a couple of teaspoons became a flood of honey…I was fine with that, it is medicinal…

– I got another text message (I swear I am not this popular when I am doing nothing.)..phone was still upstairs. I went to get the phone trying not to wake up children that weren’t really sleeping. They were just waiting for me to get comfortable so that they could cry that they missed their dad.

-I answered the text message, sat down again, realized that I had forgotten yet another ingredient (oh screw YOU nutmeg). I didn’t have nutmeg..but I did have PUMPKIN PIE SPICE!..next best thing…I added a touch (again pouring it all over me) to the mixture, and put it on the back burner to simmer…

-The house smelled amazing. I may have created something that tasted like sweaty gym socks, but at least it SMELLED like walking in a forest in the fall. While the potion was bubbling I started to tidy up (read, hide stuff in closets).

-I chased the cat off the counter where he was trying to eat through plastic to get at a loaf of bread.

-Contemplated murdering cat but he is really cute, so I decided to keep him…for now.

-Stored the chewed on bread in the microwave and waited another 10 mins for my Sweaty Gym Sock tea to steep.

At this point my kitchen looks like a pound of rainbow cocaine exploded all over and I am not planning on cleaning it. In fact, I contemplated adding a healthy drop of alcohol to the tea, cause that’s medicinal too.

What I did was, finish making the tea and then enjoyed a nice cup in the dark, ignoring my kids ad they were telling me they missed their dad, that they are thirsty and they need to go potty.

And that is why I don’t cook dinner..

Jannine Gaudet is a wife, mom of two magical girls, collector of 3 cats, and a Massage Therapist.

When she is not running around being a dance mom, you can find her trying to learn to tap or belly dance, learning about aromatherapy and herbalism, and being one of the biggest Harry Potter fans around.

If you are in the Maine area, please check out her Massage FaceBook Page or her Instagram (@jspaz1) of her crazy life.

I Am Ready For Hibernation

by | Nov 12, 2019 | Parenting

I am not feeling great today.

I mean, I am pregnant so feeling great is usually out of the picture for me anyway.

Is it time to hibernate?

 I am not feeling great today.

I mean I am pregnant so feeling great is usually out of the picture for me anyway. I know it’s hard to believe since this is my fifth time being pregnant but I don’t enjoy the process. I enjoy the baby on the other side (toddlers, on the other hand, are something to just live through) but I don’t enjoy what it takes to grow a baby for 9 months.

She’s a pretty kicky one these days too, which is great and exactly what she is supposed to be doing, but I never get any alone time.  EVER because I am always “with child”.

I am tired today.  I know part of that is that instead of helping us go to sleep last night, our personal time ended up waking both of us up. I suspect hubby is pretty tired today too. We needed that time and connection though so I have no regrets, but it would have been nice to be able to have fallen asleep afterward.

I did spend like an hour and a half in bed reading this morning with my youngest looking at a graphic novel on the other side of me, which was great because she wasn’t talking to me and that felt good but ever since I sat up I have had a lovely sinus headache and a drippy nose and I am just tired you know?

I need to make one small errand today to get some produce and vote and return a package to the post office.
And I will need to sit while my eldest works through her reading program and does a half-hour of typing.  I have no idea what dinner is going to be. Hopefully, the produce will give me some inspiration.

I would love to just lie down again and read some more of my book.

It looks like snow outside. It isn’t snowing because we are in the 40’s ad not the 30’s but it looks like it. There is a crow in the bare trees outside my window. It looks cold.

I am having constant hot flashes though. I keep having to take my sweaters on and off. All this extra blood is making me run hot and probably part of the reason I am constantly hungry that and the baby putting on at least ½ pound a week now. I am grateful I don’t have a scale but every time I get up she feels heavier! I feel heavier and I need to check my center of gravity.

So yeah today I am not feeling so well. But tomorrow I see my midwife (who will assure me that all of this is in fact normal) and we have kids over to play with my kids, and I plan to just take the day off.  The sun is supposed to be out so I can send everyone outside for some much needed sunshine. Also, thanks to the time change the days seem shorter and the nights are getting colder and…

I am ready for hibernation.

 

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Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.