I am trying to write a blog post this morning.  But my 5 ½ year old has other ideas. She is sitting next to me on my bed playing my Sims game on my cell phone.  And talking. And talking. And snuggling up next to me, and tapping me on the arm to ask me more questions and do more talking.

I love her.  In her fleecy Elsa zippy pajamas even though it is August and like 70 degrees outside.  If I am honest she needs a bath. And someone (like her big sister) to get rid of the birds nest in her hair.

 She hasn’t had breakfast yet.  I don’t think she has even gone downstairs.  She is just happy playing on my phone, talking and snuggling.

 I know that someday they grow out of this.  I haven’t seen it happen yet. My almost 13 year old likes to lie on my bed and also play my Sims.  Sometimes she talks, but often she just wants to hang, and take up most of my bed for hours if she can get away with it.  Which is fine as long as she doesn’t mind if I fall asleep. Because being pregnant falling asleep is my default.

 My almost 11 year old doesn’t hang out quite as much, but that is mainly just her personality.  She has always been my most self-sufficient child and there have been points in my parenting journey where I have only seen her when she has been upset.  I have had to stop and think about how many hours it has been since I last saw her to remember that she really isn’t upset all the time. She is just happy getting into her own stuff and doesn’t need to be by my side constantly.

 My 7 ½ year old is in a sewing obsession.  Today she is working on quilting her first quilt by hand, it’s doll size (and if you follow me on Instagram you can see it) and she’s had a few issues.  She is also still in her pajamas and I doubt she’s had breakfast yet, she just woke up had a bit of a snuggle and then is off to do more sewing. Girl after my own heart.

 This is what my life looks like right now.  My youngest is busy growing inside me and in that sense is probably my easiest to look after right now.  Though she is pretty picky about what I eat and how often I eat (ALL the time please!!!) but her kicks are still pretty soft, though that will be changing as she grows.

 I am writing this right before my hubby comes back from India (because we are taking a week and a half off after he gets back and I am not going to be blogging then) and I am curious to see how much of this snuggling continues or if he will become the new favorite couch.  I kinda hope they do hang out with him for a while so I can get some breathing space. As much as the smallest one gives me any.  

 These are the moments that make up life.  These are the moments that we may not remember in the future but do absolutely make up the foundations of our life and what our kids will remember in their bodies and souls even if their minds don’t choose to remember this particular day.  

 This is life.

The Tuesday before my hubby left for India (he left on a Saturday) I took a pregnancy test and of course it came back positive.  As always he was over the moon and I was just relieved to know that my ongoing nausea was not a sign of insanity or illness.

But I was also not really impressed with the timing.  This is my fifth pregnancy and historically the first trimester is hard for me.  I always get all day morning sickness and without my partner to be home to cook for me at weird times and hours and not to get upset if I then couldn’t eat said food, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive.

Also it has been six years since I was last pregnant.  So I am almost completely in a different body. A body that remembers giving natural birth four times before, three of which were at home.  A body that grows strong baby girls (my smallest was 8 pounds 1 ounce) and while I am miserable my babies are always healthy and perfect.

 Also we tend not to share this exciting news with many people until after the first trimester.  I had to share with my close girlfriends and my eldest daughter because I knew I was going to need support.  My 7 year old couldn’t sleep one night and ended up reading the word baby over my shoulder. So she was sworn to secrecy for about a week.  

 These days technology has changed a lot since I was first pregnant 13 years ago.  And being 39 this time around checking out the number of chromosomes this baby had was important to us.  There are screening tests you can get at 10 weeks now that are just a blood draw and can look at fetal blood and count chromosomes.  Which means you can also find out if there is a Y chromosome or not.

 This being the 5th time we are over surprises and assumed we were having a girl anyway.  And true enough the test came back and girl number 5 is due in January.

 To say it has been a hard summer is an understatement.  To say that a lot of my plans have been derailed from what I was originally thinking is also true.  I had originally thought I might paint the kids bedrooms and do a bunch of other stuff and besides taking the kids to the lake, and seeing friends regularly so I can get a wee bit of a break, this summer for me has mainly been about survival.  Sleeping when I can, eating when I can, not puking and just trying to keep everyone alive (Minus one dead duck, meat chicken and turkey I have managed).  

 We haven’t even announced the news on Facebook yet, though now that my hubby is home we will probably do that soon.  I feel huge because once you’ve had one baby your body is super excited to expand almost instantly so by the time it’s number 5 well I feel like I look far more pregnant than I actually am.  Of course my perception is probably off.

 Hubby missed the worst of this pregnancy and has come home in time to start feeling her move around and all the fun of second and third trimester.  I have survived. And we will be raising one more girl soon. Now to come up with three more girl names, we have already used 12 as each of my girls have two middle names.

How has your summer been?

We have been waiting for days

Days

And Days

And Days

It’s not quite as exciting as Christmas

Or maybe it is if you start counting at say

Halloween

It has been such a long haul

Your youngest has gotten

So angry with you that you have been gone

For so long that she doesn’t think

You are actually coming home

I have had to deal with weepy nights

That weren’t just my own

And tired eyes as no one is sleeping quite

As well as they do when you are home

An unforeseen complication

I miss your cooking

And being able to say, hey can you be

In charge of the kids for a while

I am tired of negotiating all my

Time away with the almost teenager

And not being able to leave at night

I miss your smile which is not quite

The same one a video call

When you are halfway across the world

I miss holding you when you’re sick

When I am sick

Or when I’ve just had a bad dream

We miss you

I miss you

There is a new kitten to meet when you get home

And things to fix and repair

And cuddles to share

And movies and tv shows I have been saving up

To watch with you

While I show silly old movies to the kids

I miss having your back up at meals

And temper tantrums

And hormonal explosions

I miss having you hang out with our friends

And I know you will be home really soon

But each day still feels like a marathon

Each day closer earned like a new scar

While the days tick down to single digits

Yet you still feel so far

Far away

Be safe my love

Travel home safely

We are waiting to pick you up

Sooner rather than later.

There is a conversation going around among my mompreneur friends about how much we get our kids to do.  How much responsibility, chores, if they are teenagers – why should we be responsible for the schedule, etc.

I find the conversation interesting because I know that we have always asked more of our kids than our parenting peers ask of theirs.  I am not saying we ask our kids to do more than we were asked to do as kids, sometimes I think they get away with less because there are more of them and therefore there is not quite as many jobs each person needs to do.

I know I complained about some of my chores, and occasionally put them off.  But I don’t remember having to be constantly reminded to do them every single day.  It was more like weekly complaining is my memory. But I am sure it is at least somewhat faulty.

However lately (and maybe it’s exasperated by being the only adult home, and maybe it isn’t) I feel like it truly does take more energy to remind my preteen to do what she needs to do every single day than it would be to just do the thing myself.  We have employed timers to remind her to check on that laundry in the washer, and I have even hung it up on the line to help the process happen. But it is still a daily struggle and I am sick of it.  

My almost teenager does a bit better and it’s really only washing the dishes by hand that she puts off for days.  And the communication between the child who empties the dishwasher and it getting reloaded by said teenager has lots of issues.

The five year old is actually unloading the dishwasher all by herself lately which is amazing and we have been just staying out of the kitchen and letting her do it, because previously she has hated and dug her heels into any kind of chore other than getting the cats food.  And at 5 we expect a bit more than that, especially since all of her older sisters have had to do a bit more than that.

Is it because it is summer and it’s been a hot one here in Maine that they are suddenly so lethargic?  About the only time they pitched in with little complaint was when we were getting ready for the Harry Potter party they wanted to have.  But that was a week and a half ago and the house is back to looking pretty trashed, try as I might to keep up with it.  

I did finally get ice cream treats again so I will give them a list of things to do to earn said ice cream treats while I am gone at my doctors appointment.  Hopefully at least some of them will happen. I think I will take away media until they happen too. Seriously, if you sweep the floor everyday it doesn’t become a big deal.  Same with the dishes. And I get that it’s hot, I’m hot too.

I also need to get some fly tape because we seem to have extra flies this year.  Or maybe hubby was just faster to get the fly tape up? I remember we had eat birds in the basement for a while and all the flies were down there, so maybe they are just attracted to the kitchen instead.  However there were like a dozen in my room last night, and there isn’t any food up here.

Someday I’ll have kids that just pitch in and help right?  That’s the end goal. That and them having the skills to pitch in and help other places.  Not just the ability to pay bills, make phone calls and those kinds of life skills, but also how to not live as a slob.  Yep. That would be good too.