The New Face of Grandmas

Lauren Mattone, founder of Restorative Roots, became a grandmother for the first time at age 47.

She tells her story of not feeling ready, of not quite fitting the traditional description of “grandmotherly”, and her hopes of being just the right mix of cool and fun and loving and still doting grandmother.

I have fond memories of my grandmothers. They were both heavy-set women with large bosoms and welcoming arms for comforting embraces. They were talented cooks and took immense pleasure in feeding their family beyond button popping. They loved crocheting, knitting and quilting. They had well-worn rocking chairs and thoroughly enjoyed their retirement for many years. When I look back at photos of them in their thick, horn-rimmed glasses, polyester-printed dresses and bouffant hairdos, I realize that they had always been old. Always.

I often find myself reminiscing about visiting with my grandparents. We were spoiled with sweets and late nights and rarely heard the word “no”. We explored the outdoors, gathered flowers, caught frogs and ate fresh grapes straight off the vine. We sought shelter from the hot sun under a giant weeping willow tree during the day and chased fireflies at night. I always felt loved by my grandmothers and was contented to be in their presence.

Two and a half years ago, at age 47, I became a grandmother for the first time. To say I wasn’t ready, is an understatement. My son was just shy of 20 when he told me they were having a baby and I was scared for him… he was still a “baby” himself in my eyes. When I considered that in just a few short months I’d be a grandmother, I found it difficult to imagine. I don’t quite fit the traditional description of “grandmotherly”. I exercise regularly, I am vegan, I meditate and do yoga when I can find the time, I have tattoos and a nose ring, I own a business, I’m a professional musician, I still have two kids at home and my boyfriend lives with me. I have a love life, for crying out loud. I am not even on the same plane as my grandmothers were!

I find myself trying to navigate the waters of youthful grandparenting and never quite feeling successful. My son is now 23. He is engaged to his lovely fiancée (a bit older than he is) who has a son (age 9) from a previous relationship.  She and my son have one child, together, my granddaughter (age 2 ½). I am a grandmother to two phenomenal children. However, unlike my own grandparents, I am actively parenting two children at home… my younger son who will be 20 this spring and my daughter who is 11.

I am thankful that my grandchildren are very close by so that I can be there in 5 minutes, if they need me. And yet, I still don’t see them that often. Cue “Cat’s in the Cradle”! We are all busy and have schedules that don’t always mesh. I know that part of the reason we don’t see each other more is because they are aware that I am working and have a “life” so they don’t want to intrude. Another part of it is that I refuse to drop in or invite myself over… a “nicety” that is tradition in my family. However, the other grandmother sees them quite a bit. She is in a totally different place in her life than I am and yet I find myself feeling a titch jealous at the close relationship she has with the grandkids. As much as I want to latch onto my granddaughter every time I see her, I usually wait for her to approach me. But because I’m not around all the time, she tends to shy away only coming to me near the end of a visit. Do I push myself on her? Would that break the ice? No, I’m just not that person. I can’t help but wish that she would just thrust herself into my arms when she sees me so that I can bury my face in her sweet smelling hair and kiss and squeeze her like my grandmothers did me. Maybe someday.

I have so many conflicting feelings about this role. “Grandmother me” would love to drop everything any time they call and run over there to help them by watching the kids. “Mom me” is exhausted at the end of the day because I’ve been working and just wants to crawl into bed. “Grandmother me” would love to have my son and his sweet family over once a week for dinner. “Mom me” wants to do this too, but can’t seem find the time between work and errands and helping my daughter with homework or chauffeuring her from one thing to another to make that happen. “Grandmother me” wants to say “yes” when they call and ask me to come over on a weekend night. “Girlfriend me” wants to savor a few hours of alone time with my boyfriend. Internal struggle like this is normal, right?

I want to be to my grandchildren what my grandparents were to me. I want them to think about “Mimi” as a sweet, lovey grandma who would do anything for them but I also have to check myself in reality. My grandparents were older. They were retired. Their children had been out of the home for quite some time before they were called to their grandparenting duties. While not rich, they were well enough along to be able to vacation or do fun things with us, and had plenty of time to do it. I will be there one day, but that day is not today.

On the flipside, I have found that there are some fun benefits to being a young grandmother. I can get on the floor and tumble with the kids and still get back up again! I can keep up with them and take them on long walks and even jump on the trampoline.  I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be a parent, or a kid for that matter. My daughter and the grands get along stupendously and that is heartwarming to observe. I never seem to tire of hearing the “You’re a GRANDmother? No way! You look so young!” and of course, I get to be the super cool “rockstar” granny when they watch me perform on stage. Maybe someday I’ll even wear a bedazzled denim jacket with matching tennies! There are many proud moments when I watch my son being an exceptional father to his kids. He is a natural. Watching that makes my heart nearly burst out of my chest! Being a younger grandma will also hopefully translate to me being around for a longer part of their lives, and that thought makes me very happy.

I have decided that in 2019, I am going to give myself a little grace. I am going to enjoy the time I have with my children and my grandchildren and not concern myself too much with the areas in which I may be lacking. I’m going to approach grandparenting as I did with parenting by doing my best and, learning as I go. I will choose to do better when I know better, and when I’m able. I will make mistakes as I’m sure my grandparents did but I’m pretty sure I’ll get a lot right, too. I won’t be the same kind of grandmother to my grandkids as mine were to me but I hope to be just the right mix of cool and fun and loving and still doting grandmother. I plan to spend quality time with my grandchildren as often as I can, while spoiling them rotten may have to be put on hold for awhile. But since I’m a young granny, there should be PLENTY of time for that!

 

Lauren is mother to three and grandmother to two. She is a Reiki Master Teacher, Certified Crystal Healer, Ordained Minister, Energy Therapist and owner of Restorative Roots. She taught high school and middle school French and Spanish for 24 years and now applies the people skills she learned to help her clients heal themselves: body, mind and soul. She and her boyfriend are self-proclaimed health nuts and founded a group on Facebook called: Plant-based/Vegan/Vegetarian Lifestyle FUN group+ to help others lead more healthy lives through diet and exercise. In her spare time, Lauren is a professional singer and enjoys performing all around West Michigan. 

You can get more information on Lauren’s website: www.restorativerootsrocks.com  You can also follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Concussion

Life happens. No matter how much we might sometimes not want it to happen the way that it does, it does in fact happen.

Like my current concussion.

Life happens. No matter how much we might sometimes not want it to happen the way that it does, it does in fact happen.

I got a concussion in early February. I didn’t even manage to hit my head or get in a car accident or slip on ice or anything terribly exciting. Because of that I didn’t even realize I had a concussion for almost 48 hours after the fact.

I was stepping over our ottoman that had been pushed out of the way to become part of a fort that was being disassembled in my living room. As I stepped over said ottoman I didn’t realize there was a piece of clothing on the floor and my foot slid out from under me and down I went landing hard on my tailbone and having the impact go straight up my spine. I remember feeling that. I do not remember losing track of any time or of having hit my head on anything. I didn’t know that a major injury had occurred.

But it had. I had a headache about 25 minutes after the fall that got worse. My pupils stayed dilated correctly so I just took things easy. Thursday morning I felt better for about two hours and then the headache was back and continued to get worse. By Friday when I was watching another set of kids to keep my kids busy, I had dizziness and nausea going on with my headache and my husband came home and off to the ER we went to get the confirmation of a concussion and a CT scan which came back normal.

I got told to drink lots of water, minimize my screen time and that because I have four kids it would probably take longer than normal for the concussion to pass. I also got anti-nausea medication that wouldn’t make me drowsy and told to follow up with my primary in a week.

So began my move into my bedroom. It has been about two weeks of a concussion as I write this and I have listened and read a total of 8 books. Unfortunately the final book in an exciting 5 book series I had only on Kindle so I haven’t been able to finish that. In the past week or so I have been able to start knitting while listening to audio books a bit.

Driving does my head in. As does anytime my kids get loud or decide to all talk at once, or heaven forbid have a fight. This week a dear friend has taken my kids all day (through dinner) for the first two days of the week and I have had the house to myself and my very demanding cats (who seem to enjoy the fact that I am now stuck in bed.

I have had to miss overnight winter camping with Girl Scouts and my eldest (even though the woman running it was able to find us a ride). I have had to not run Girl Scout meetings and move a workshop I was going to run for three weeks in the future. I have had to miss a lot of family time.

I work in 20 minute bursts with at least 20 minutes between them for my work at the moment, with a lot of things taking a back seat. I have had to spend whole days lying down because the world spins if I sit up.

I have high doses of fish oil and some turmeric and B vitamins prescribed by my primary. I am still waiting on a call back from the concussion specialist for a referral. I don’t know how long this is going to take. I keep getting glimpses of good days only to have the next day (even though I try my damnedest not to push anything on my good days) slap me back in the face.

It is hard and frustrating. It is hard and frustrating on my family too. My girls have had to do more and get less time with their mom (though they are getting more 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 time as that is about all my head can handle at the moment). I haven’t gotten to watch any TV in over two weeks now. This is the first time I have gotten to write anything beyond very short emails rescheduling things.

I am tired of reading (I never thought I would say that) and I am tired of winter because I can’t get out and walk due to the ice. And any place I could walk inside is way to stimulating for this little brain of mine.

I am trying to be patient. And wait for my brain to just completely reboot itself. I am being taken care of by friends and family. I am having to wait. This was suppose to be a busy winter/spring with my book launch coming in May, and well things are just taking a little bit longer. I am taking a little bit longer. My brain is apparently very tired.

I will do my best to keep the blog posts coming but there may be a few weeks missed, depending on my other work load and how my screen time goes. Right now an hour is about my max and there is only so much I can get done in that amount of time, no matter how efficient I am

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

5 Quick and Easy Ways to Simplify Your Life (and Feel Better Right Away)

Megan Day, MSc, CLC, and founder of Rooted & Vibrant, is back with us today to share her tips that to help simplify your life.

Some of them are mindset shifts that require inner work and others are quick action steps that you can implement right away (a great start to the new year!?).

When it comes to simplifying life, it’s not only about minimizing the amount physical stuff we own, it’s also about how we spend our time and the quality of the activities and relationships in our lives.

The more simple your life, the better. This is what I’m starting to think and I recognize that I’m not the first genius to think of this. Marie Kondo is an international sensation for a reason after all. As a mom, however, this can be easier said than done.

Life can be complicated and messy. Many of us are struggling with overwhelm or anxiety.  Many of us harken back to a time of greater simplicity. We tend to over-romanticize the 1950’s and 60’s as a simpler time. Heck, I have always thought I should have been born back then so that I could be a hippie. I am quite infatuated by the whole idea of being a hippie, minus the drugs and nudity of course.

 Instead, what if we could find the simplicity of those times but maintain the current democratic and egalitarian society we currently live in. Honestly, 2019 is not all that bad, we have come a long way especially as women. Let us find ways to reconnect to that carefree feeling that we had as children.

 Now, I have a confession to make. I am definitely not a minimalist. My house and my minivan are messy and full of stuff. In fact, I continually oscillate between the states of consumeristic overdrive and Zen Buddhist monk.

 Where would I like to be? Somewhere in the middle, “the middle way” as the Buddhists call it (see I told you I was a monk).  The middle way refers to moderation. Nothing too extreme. Not too tight, not too loose. This is the paradox of the universe, not just my problem.

 As a mom, I find the desire to provide my kids with the best of everything to be a strong motivator. On the other hand, I recognize that all of this stuff is oftentimes unfulfilling. So I bought a new necklace? I get the instant high of the purchase but if the item, a necklace in this particular example, doesn’t carry with it any particular meaning, then it gets forgotten quickly and any positive emotion I gained at the moment of purchase is long gone.

 The other drawback is that clutter in your physical space can manifest as clutter in your mind. I don’t know about you, but clarity of mind is something I could use more of. I work from home the majority of the time as well, so having a space that is clean is important to me. I’m sure my coaching clients who visit my home office appreciate coming to a place of clarity and calm. Not only is clarity good for your mental health, it’s also good for productivity and business.

 I don’t’ want to get too into this, but the environmental impact of consumerism cannot be forgotten. Our landfills are overflowing and we are using valuable resources to pump out piles and piles of plastic crap for the masses to buy. Adopting more moderate spending habits and creating ways in which we recycle and reuse our items will benefit good mother earth.

 So I have a few tips that I would like to share, to help simplify your life and mine, as I will be trying them too. Some of them are mindset shifts that require inner work and others are quick action steps that you can implement right away (a great start to the new year!?). When it comes to simplifying life, it’s not only about minimizing the amount physical stuff we own, it’s also about how we spend our time and the quality of the activities and relationships in our lives.

 Here it goes:

  1. Set Boundaries. Evaluate how you are spending your time and set some boundaries. Learn to say NO to low quality activities. Say NO to the stuff that is not serving you. You can write out a big long list of all of the things you do in a week. Then, one by one, evaluate whether these are necessary or if they can be cut out.
  2. Limit screen time. Limit you media consumption and your e-communication time. This includes limiting use of the cellphone, desktop computers, television, streaming TV, all of it. This is so hard for me, especially since so much of my work is online, however I notice that when I do cut back I feel greater connection to the people I am with.   
  3. Downsize your stuff. Go through an overhaul. This is where the Marie Kondo craze comes into play. More and more people are starting to understand that clutter weighs you down. Find a local organizer to get you started if it feels too overwhelming to tackle on your own. I know some people are even downsizing their house and moving into a tiny house. Cool, right?
  4. Fill Up on Quality Time. Spend time with people you love, doing things you love. This seems like a no brainer, but I think it needs to be said. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and loving. Stay around people who get you, and appreciate the best version of yourself.
  5. Build some predictability into your life. Auto-pilot is a real problem for many of us but we can use that to our advantage as well. Create a weekly meal plan with healthy meals, a workout schedule, a regular movie night or board game night, schedule a monthly or quarterly date night with your partner. When these important things are scheduled in it frees up mental space. It means that when you go on “auto-pilot” it will be a healthy routine rather than the easiest and most-convenient choices. Having a routine also gives you an excuse to say NO to things that don’t serve you. “Sorry, I would love to help you that night but that is workout time!” Or “Sorry, I can’t be there, that is date night!”

This is just a short list of the things you can implement today to start to simplify your life. To simplify means to fill up on the things that are important to you and nourish you and to pare down on the things that are draining and not in alignment with the person you are. I’d love to hear your tips and what has worked for you. If you are having trouble wading through the complexity of motherhood and modern life let’s set up a non-obligation consult call to see if I can help.  

Megan Day, MSc, CLC, is a Certified Life Coach, Meditation Instructor and the founder of Rooted & Vibrant. Her mission is to empower women to find their life’s work and become confident mothers and deeply fulfilled women. In 2017, Megan made the decision to resign from her 10 year career in healthcare to start her own business and explore her calling. She values family, community, connection and new ideas. She has found her life purpose in helping other moms find theirs.

Connect with Megan on Instagram and Facebook.  

Death and Dying and a Homestead

Death is a hard truth that these days no one wants to talk about.

Life doesn’t always work the way we want it too and death is part of it.  Like fairy tales that can feel like they have very dark sides, life does too. 

As a culture we don’t like to talk about death. At least not any more. When someone loses someone close we don’t know what to say. Beyond sending flowers, a sympathy card and maybe sending some food over we don’t know what to say.

We have to read from psychologists that the best thing we can do is just sit with the person. That holding space for that person to process their loss for as long as they need to (even if that means years) is what we are suppose to do, that the best thing we can do is sit with them in the uncomfortableness of it all. And most of us are not brave enough to do that. We don’t know how, we haven’t had it modeled, it can take a lot of energy to just sit there and hold space.

My kids have been lucky so far. They have not lost anyone super close to them that was human. Not yet anyway. They have witnessed my husband and I saying goodbye to our grandparents and friends and the unexpected deaths that happen in life but that is all they have seen of human death.

They have had to say goodbye to 3 cats, some expected and most sudden. Since we have had farm animals since 2015 we have said goodbye to several ducks that were close favorites of my eldest. I have had to break the news while on vacation that her favorite duck died while she wasn’t home. And witness the violent ugly sobbing that followed.

But what amazed me is that after about 10 minutes of ugly sobbing she took a deep breath and moved on. She was okay. While she still talks about that duck and misses him, she was able to process his death and move on.

We have come down in the morning once to find a dead duck inside the duck house, and this past weekend the same thing happened to one of our pigs. In both cases we didn’t know it was going to happen and we had done all we could, but life doesn’t always work the way we want too and death is part of it.

We have not hidden this from our kids. We did not hide the truth, we talked about what we knew had happened or what we thought had happened, where we might have made mistakes, and how we think we could prevent it happening in the future. We have also talked about runts and ow sometimes they don’t survive as long as you would like them too, no matter what you do.

My younger two kids have been happy to help when it came time to harvest our meat birds and my 7 year old actually seems to like the process and the gallows humor that seems to come out when one is harvesting and butchering meat. This past weekend my hubby and I got to do our first pig, being somewhat unprepared but not wanting the meat to go to waste.

Not the most pleasant of jobs, but we have always been honest about death with the kids. Like fairy tales that can feel like they have very dark sides, life does too. My girls could see as much or as little of the process as they wanted and my 10 year old helped move the body to where we could deal with it and talked about how weird it felt as this pig had been alive the night before.

I don’t think any of my kids will end up in therapy over our homestead. Maybe they will as you can never know how another person is going to react and put things together in their mind. But they all really understand where their food comes from. And that to eat, things must die whether they are animal or plant. We can also help them reproduce and live again, but in the end for us to live other things must die.

It’s a hard truth that these days no one wants to talk about. And yet it is so important that we do. It is okay to shed tears when saying goodbye to a beloved pet, or just an animal that you raised to later go in your freezer. It is good to thank them for sharing their life with you. For even though we are not always perfect, and we do not have 50 years of farming experience, I know that every animal that has lived with us has had a better life than they would have had in the commercial meat industry.

And that is changing our little corner of the world.  

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Illuminating and Unearthing YOU

Andrea Parker, founder of Rejuvenation Grange, explains what an Illuminated Life is and how it she went from a withering single mom to being able to fuse her light, expertise, and passions.

Winter, for me over the last few years has been a time for visioning, for watering the seeds of desire and lovingly building the soil around them as they lay in a state of wait.

Then come spring when the snow melts and the sun warms the moist ground they can sprout. However, for the years before I sat in the never ending winter; I had let my desires sit dormant in an arid frozen tundra.

A decade ago I became a single mom when my daughter was 2. I through myself, due to fear, into full survival mode and placed my desires, my dreams of being a creative entrepreneur into a box and buried them so deep that I couldn’t feel their heartbeat calling me.

I did this because of self doubt from my divorce and because I had a misunderstanding with creative currency. My familial story lead me to believe that being creative meant that you wouldn’t make money. At that time, I was my daughter’s sole provider, until she was six. That meant, in my mind of limits, that nurturing my dream was not an option. I had to make a living to support my daughter which I decided subconsciously meant leaving all my desires behind.

So,

I stopped painting for me- I painted with my daughter but it was for her.

I stopped going on outdoor adventures to photograph and write because I didn’t want to ask for support so that I could.

I stopped finding the time to connect with my body and let it flourish through dance and movement except for the occasional dance party with my daughter in the kitchen or 10 minute yoga sessions that fit a young girls attention span.

I stopped allowing myself to explore and dream and create because I was so far down into the shadow, I couldn’t see the light.

As I denied my creativity,  my light dimmed to a flicker and it wasn’t until one day while brushing my teeth and looking at myself in the mirror, that I truly saw the withered sadness in my eyes, my furrowed brow and frown lines..

I didn’t recognize me in that reflection! In fact, a jolt ran through my body and in that moment I decided I had to reconnect to me or I would slowly die. A bit dramatic yes, but at that moment that was my truth.

I needed to rebuild the soil, reconnect with my desires, my passion and figure out how to make the space to do that.

I was done withering so I began my slow journey back to me.

My journey to what I call my Illuminated Life took a few years of saying yes to exploring my creativity again, of excavating my limiting beliefs around money and creativity, of asking for and investing in support so I could find the time to play for me, of trusting myself and being open to creating new loving relationships, and finally curating a business that fused my talent and my experience as a teacher together.

Illumination is the process of coming home to you, to revisit those forgotten desires, to reconnect and play with them and then to see where they lead you. As adults and especially as parents you get sucked into the whirlpool deferred desires, where you place the needs of children, the needs of your job, the needs of your partner or parents often get placed ahead of our own. This will suck the life out you and shroud you from the magic of playing with your passions, or creating deep connections to yourself and others, it will dim your light and wither your your joy if you don’t start making the time ( little bits at first) to do something that will illuminate you!

Through doing this work I was able to fuse my light, my expertise and my passions into my business where I now run workshops, retreats and programs that help others Illuminate their light and curate their sacred vision and passionate action plan.

If you are interested in illuminating you and want to be lead on that journey in a supportive, creative and sacred space join me on Saturday, March 9th from 10-2 virtually from the comfort of your home, or coffee shop, or office via Zoom.

You can learn more about the Illuminating Your Sacred Vision Virtual Retreat HERE. 

May You Shine On!

Hi, I am Andrea Parker, founder of The Rejuvenation Grange.

I am a Master educator, experiential business coach, and soulful facilitator. I am also a mom to a beautiful 12 year old.

I spent the first 12 years of my professional life teaching children through integrating curriculum with play and exploration. This joyful work gave me the skills of getting people where they are and helping them create playfully while facilitating their own transformation. This journey of playing my way to creating a business I loved has been an amazing journey and given me the space and time to:

Explore my creative visions.
Be present in my daughter’s life.
Create my unique daily and weekly rhythm and
Make a difference in the world and make a living doing all of this.

The Rejuvenation Grange was born from my sacred vision of making space for people to explore their playful nature and push themselves to their own fertile edge and create a joyful life and business.

I do this by guiding people to bring their Sacred Creative Vision to the world, design their entrepreneurial playground ( playful and grounded business processes) and coach them to create a vibrant work/life rhythm that feed their souls.