Children must be fed. It’s part of the job description of being a parent. You must feed and water your kids and make sure they sleep and take them to the doctor and dentist every now and then, and make sure they wear shoes at least in the colder months and these are all part of not being neglectful of your children.

But where is the fucking guidebook? Where is the recipe plan to feed your children? No wonder the food industry has been able to get so many fucking chemicals, high fructose corn syrup and other things down our kid’s throats. Anyone who has ever tried reasoning with a small person over food knows exactly what I am talking about.

I miss nursing. Not actually having someone attached to my nipple, I am so done with that, but the ease of having the perfect food for my child at the perfect temperature, right there ready for them when they were. It was bliss for them and it was so much easier than arguing with a preteen that needs to eat and is just well not eating.

I want my kids to eat good food. We are building a homestead so we can grow better food for them than we can afford to buy in the quantity a family of six needs. This is why we have ducks that lay eggs, bacon seeds growing the brambles and meat birds ready to be harvested in about six weeks. I do this for them! If I didn’t have them I could probably afford to just buy local organic food as it is and not have to grow it all myself. Yes, we would grow some of it because my hubby actually enjoys gardening… me, I feel like it’s just one more thing I need to keep alive most of the time…

But it’s not that simple. For instance, my kids are on a breakfast strike again. It doesn’t matter what I offer them someone isn’t going to want to eat it. You know that I feel that breakfast should be a serve yourself leave me alone and let me drink my coffee and read a book kind of meal right? Like perfect weekend mornings with hubby is when we communally make some yummy food and then eat it on the back porch while drinking our coffee and not necessarily exchanging a word. That’s what breakfast should be.

Not a drama or a tirade, and I am not awake enough to deal with temper tantrums. Please just find something that doesn’t have a lot of sugar in it and eat it! Part of this is coming off of company breakfasts, where I actually bought a shit ton of cheap (and therefore nasty) bread and made toast every morning that they slathered in PB, or had granola with yogurt which is not something I usually stock because my kids could go through a quart of yogurt in a snack, let alone a meal! My budget doesn’t stretch to that. It just doesn’t. Not when most yogurt is devoid of any food like substance left and will give my kids a massive sugar high.

So this morning I thought I would nip the whole issue in the bud. I thought I would go ahead and cut up some of those first Maine apples that we were given from friends yesterday and mix in some duck eggs, and oatmeal and pumpkin spice seasoning because I couldn’t find the straight cinnamon and mix it all up and it would be yummy.

And it sure smelled yummy to me. But my kids rejected any bit that looked like it had touched an egg. Maybe I didn’t mix it well enough, maybe there was not enough water to the oatmeal but I expected those juicy apples to leach out their juices. Maybe I should have cooked it on the stove instead of the microwave because I wanted to get my coffee and breakfast made as well.

I don’t the fuck know.

All I know is that two out of four kids rejected it out of hand and the other two just pickily ate around the eggs. Thank goodness the pigs will eat it. But that’s it. I said I was done helping with breakfast at that point. They could have peanut butter on a spoon, another apple, make themselves a new batch of oatmeal but to please leave me the fuck alone.

Okay, I left the fuck part out of the sentence because I try not to traumatize my kids too early in the morning. And well I guess the smell of coffee had started having an effect.

But oh my goddess they had better come up with a good idea for breakfast tomorrow. Because I am so done with this. I am so tired of this. I think maybe I should make them breakfast the night before when I am fucking tired from getting dinner on the table.

That’s what the Pinterest moms do right? Or they get up super early to make a yummy breakfast for their kids? That’s what you find on Instagram right? Not me when I get up before my kids I am going for a walk with my audiobook, or sneaking up here to get some writing done. I am not making glorious breakfasts unless it is someone’s birthday, a holiday or we are having brunch guests and games. Just not fucking going to happen.

I guess this is how all the boxed cereal companies stay in business.

Pass the fucking milk.