Why Won’t My Kids Just Go Away?

by | Aug 28, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

Sometimes I just want a little peace and quiet…

Some days I wish my kids would just go away. Don’t get me wrong I love them and can’t imagine life without them, but honestly some days I wish they would just go away.

I suppose if I sent them to school I might not feel that way, but then the pressure of work would take it’s place, because if your kids are all school age there is no reason for you to not be working outside the home right?

I don’t think it’s because I run a business and do occasionally need to think straight without my interrupting chickens, well interrupting. I remember wishing they would go away and I could get a break sometimes even when I was the one working outside the home, or was the stay at home parent without a business.

Some days they are just too much. They talk too much, demand too much, need to be corrected for abhorrent behavior too much. I can understand why so many of us lean on technology to babysit them because we just want a few minutes of peace.

For me it gets worse when I am tired or sick. My tolerance for the touching and the need to follow the long-winded imaginary story just goes out the window. And it’s difficult. It’ snot their fault that I feel this way, just as it’s really not mine. And my poor hubby gets to take over more of the cooking duties etc because by the time we reach the end of the day, I am done, and just want to curl up into a ball and be left alone, which doesn’t necessarily get his needs met either.

It is not a lot of fun. I do my best not to have too many of these days. Usually one or two a moon cycle I can plan for and just work around. But this week I think I have it a wall. I think it’s partially because we have had a crazy spring, with looking at houses, then buying one and all the ups and downs that brought, and then moving in and wanting to unpack for a party and now I just want to absorb what little summer seems to be left. I think maybe I burned the candle at both ends for a while and now my body is just demanding rest.

I was grateful that my eldest didn’t want to do the library program today because she feels like she is coming down with a cold and didn’t want to spread it to anyone else. Not only was that good forethought for an almost 12 year old but it gave me the excuse to get work done this morning so that I can then just sit and read this afternoon. And I have a good excuse for that. I have about 300 pages of a book to read between now and Thursday morning and it’s already a Tuesday.

Yesterday was a hard day even though I ended up getting a nap. I was hoping today would be better, but last night I had lots of disturbing dreams and got woken up several times by the black cat trying to convince the gray cat to play with her and the gray cat decided to have none of it and just hissed up a storm. Not exactly how I was planning on waking up this morning.

However I do have a late in the day beach date scheduled for tomorrow and the other mom doesn’t care if one of my kids might have a cold. My girls have been missing beach time so hopefully this will help and it should be a shady spot so that should help as well. I am thinking about not sharing it until tomorrow so I don’t get the infinite when do we get to leave questions.

I am just so tired. I just want to curl up on our new to us couch or easy chair and be left alone for a day. I think that would help me feel so much better. Maybe not. But it is all I am itching for. This week is less busy which is good but it also means everything can just catch up with me. And that doesn’t get the laundry or the dishes done.

And it’s not like the girls do it much without me constantly reminding them to do it. Which takes energy in and of itself. But I feel like if I don’t and I just do it all myself they are not learning valuable lessons and I am just going to get really resentful.

That’s my idea anyway. And I’m sticking to it.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

The Most Important Thing To Teach Our Kids

by | Aug 23, 2018 | Parenting, Self-Care

Robyn Wiley talks about what she believes is the most important thing we can teach our kids, to love ourselves! Watch her video to learn more and hear her tips for filling our own needs and how to model it for our kids.

Robyn Wiley is Mama Bear to a beautiful and hilarious 10 year old boy. When she’s not playing outside or watching the latest Pixar film, she can be found Coaching, leading Reiki and personal growth workshops, writing, and having deep conversations with interesting people.

Robyn’s mission in life is to be an amazing parent, live freely and fully from her heart, and help others to do the same!

Among her training and experience, Robyn has completed a B.A. in Philosophy, Reiki Trainings from 2009-2017 to the highest level of Reiki Master of Masters, and Certifications in “Assertiveness Coaching” and Strategic Intervention Coaching,” the latter through the highly reputed Robbins-Madanes Core 100 Program.

From 2014-present she has coached 60+ clients, has designed/led 70+ Personal/Spiritual Development workshops, and has published a Guided Journal called: “My Happy Book: a Guided Journal to Light up your Life.”

Robyn continuously seeks training and experience to support her in being the best person, parent, coach, and teacher she can be!

To learn more about Robyn and her work, please visit her website at:
www.robyntwiley.com or visit her FB and IG pages: @robyntwiley

Crafting for Sanity

by | Aug 21, 2018 | Grounding, Parenting, Self-Care

I don’t know how you stay sane with your kids, but this is one of my ways….

I love to craft. It’s not something everyone does or understands, just like from the outside most people think that having four children is a handful. I think they call the terms maker these days, I like to make things with my hands for the pure joy of making something. Not just for the feel of making but I usually like the end result as well.

I grew up with makers, at least on the female side of my family, both of my grandmothers were always making some kind of handwork, as well as my mother and sometimes my aunts. I had to spend a lot of time in waiting rooms growing up because my brother was at therapy appointments and in those days before cell phones and tablets and everyone having the internet in their homes there wasn’t as much to do, especially since I didn’t enjoy reading until I was 11 or 12.

So I learned to craft. Starting with cross-stitch and plastic canvas and eventually learning crocheting, knitting, and sewing along the way making my first skirt at 10. This has continued throughout my life, including the 4 years I worked at a fabric store. I love to craft.

These days I am usually found sewing, (either hand or with my machine, we currently have four sewing machines in the house not counting the serger), knitting or crocheting. This remains my happy place and was the first place I had to find again after having kids.

I had to make time to craft again first as I came out of having all my little kids. I am sure I did things in and among having them, but I never really prioritized it. Now I do. There are a couple of things I need to do every day to stay sane, regardless of being a mother, or a wife, these are just basic to my way of seeing, experiencing and processing the world.

One of those things is making something, or rather working on whatever project currently calls me. And just like books I usually have more than one on the go. I am currently in the middle of knitting two sweaters, one is very simple and straightforward and the other one is complicated and so they both serve different needs and parts of my brain and time.

I also have several quilts and other sewing projects in process. Unfortunately, the power plug for my preferred sewing machine got separated from it during the move and I haven’t found it yet so it hasn’t been able to be taken to the shop to get tuned up and have its tension fixed. This is, of course, putting me under some tension and I will need to fix that soon. Being in a new house there are a lot of small sewing projects I want to do, like pot holders, curtains and the like.

I am super lucky that my husband is also a maker. He makes different kind of things like woodworking, brewing beer and painting tiny metal miniatures, but just like me, he needs to do these things to process and experience his world. Which means that we have a respect for each other’s work and are able to come to agreements on budget, and creating time for both of us to meet these needs. While I don’t always understand his craft and he doesn’t always understand mine, I respect that it needs to happen and needs the time and space for it to happen as well.

Crafting with kids can be hard. I don’t just mean crafting around kids, because we won’t talk about how many times my kids have caused me to drop stitches or gotten into what I was working on. Plus my crafts don’t tend to be done in a single sitting so they do have to have a place to exist while they are being worked on. Especially the handwork projects.

I mean that creating the space for kids to start crafting can be hard. I love taking my kids to programs where they get to do arts and crafts and I don’t have to do any of the setup or clean up. I love watching my kids explore their world through learning new things and playing with materials without any preconceived notions or thoughts that it has to be done or look a certain way.

That being said it is hard to have their craft supplies everywhere. It is hard to have to sweep up the glitter, the sequins, the scraps of paper from all over the house. Slime is currently banned from our house because of clean up issues. There was a while where I refused to make homemade play dough because of all the places I kept finding it.

I know it is important to share these things with my kids. And I do try. But it is also important for me to have my own stuff and for them to respect it. I am happy to help you learn how to embroider or do that thing, but please, please stay out of my yarn and fabric.

I mean unless you really, really want to see mom lose her shit in an epic way. You will stay out of my craft stuff. That and my books and you may live to adulthood 😉

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Notes From the Other Side: Life with Adult Kids

by | Aug 16, 2018 | Parenting, Tips and Techniques, Truth-Telling

Today Nikki Starcat Shields joins us from her “empty nest” to report how it feels so far.

This year I’ve entered a new phase of parenting, often known as the “empty nest.” I’m here to report back on how it feels so far.

Truthfully, it’s a mixed bag. I’m incredibly proud of these two wonderful beings who have graced our lives – and more than a bit heartbroken that they no longer need me in the same ways they once did.

Teacher and author Elizabeth Stone wrote, “making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” For me, this statement has become even more relevant since my two kids have become adults and moved out on their own.

In my daughter’s case, she’s now living more than 2,000 miles away from home. That’s so far!

My son lives 30 minutes away, and we see him at least weekly – but it’s still very different.

I miss them both like crazy.

At the same time, I cherish my newfound freedom, an abundance of time, and even the financial relief of no longer supporting them. My home stays cleaner, too. Go figure!

When you’re in the thick of parenting young kids, you often feel like a break, some time away from their intense needs would be delightful. You might fantasize about taking a solo vacation, a romantic getaway with your partner, or even a trip to a work-related conference. You may even get the opportunity to take these sacred reset breaks at times.

You might not imagine ever missing your kids once you don’t see them every day.

Or maybe you can’t picture not being with them all the time, and feel like you won’t know what on Earth to do with yourself once they move out.

Neither of these tells the whole story.

My tentative foray into being an empty nester, or as a friend calls it, a “free bird,” has shown me that, like most things in life, there are ups and downs.

I love visiting with my adult kids, whether in person or online, and catching up on their daily lives. I enjoy being more in charge of my own time than I’ve been for many years.

I miss their impromptu hugs and even the once-dreaded question, “what’s for dinner, Mom?”

I’m thankful that they do still need me, whether for advice on “adulting,” a pep talk, or an extra hug or two. I was profoundly moved when my daughter broke down into tears at the end of her summer visit here. She loves her new life out west but was still finding it hard to leave after two fun-filled weeks with us at her childhood home.

Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ll always be a parent, even when the active phase of caring for their daily needs is finished. Your heart will always be with them, out there exploring the world with these blessings you helped to create.

Nikki Starcat Shields is Mom to two grown unschoolers, a published author, a book midwife, and a licensed priestess. She blogs at Starcat’s Corner. Do you have a book idea that’s yearning to be shared with the world? Check out Starcat’s free “Get That Book Out of Your Head” virtual week.

Misty Mornings

by | Aug 14, 2018 | Parenting, Truth-Telling

How does the weather affect your kids? Do you like Misty Mornings?

I like the misty mornings.

The way the fog is starting to cling in the fields behind our property. The way it is darker in the mornings so my kids are less interested in waking up early.

I like how puffy our long haired cat is getting out in the humidity that clings to everything. I like how bouncy my only really curly haired child gets in this weather.

I don’t care for the boob sweat. For feeling like sweat just clings to me and doesn’t go away. I don’t care for the fact that I still haven’t set up a light in my office yet, I really do need to get on that soon.

I prefer the mist and fog to burn off by 10 am so my kids will have plenty of time to go outside and play. That it isn’t always a rainy day. We need rain so having it sometimes be a rainy day is good, but a constant string of days soon gets tiring on my ears and my kids ability to speak nicely to each other.

It is still pretty warm, just misty and the air is heavy rather than it being cold and miserable or just plain hot. Perfect cup of tea and a good book or an audiobook and something to knit or sew weather. Not good hanging the clothes outside weather. Not that we have hung a clothes line yet anyway. Soon we will get there soon, or do it next spring one or the other.

This should be a quiet week, there are are only two events outside the house for library programs. We may go camping with friends overnight Saturday providing we can find someone willing to put our ducks to bed and let them out again in the morning. If the weather gets better I might set up some play dates. Or I might not. Having a quiet week at home can feel good too.

I am still working on unpacking and organizing, just not at the feverish pace of before. And in chunks rather than trying to get a whole room done in a day. Now it’s about maintaining and reminding the kids that they still have to sweep and put away dishes and clothes and all that fun stuff. That bathrooms still need to be cleaned regularly and maybe I will get one of them to run the vacuum later today. It certainly needs it.

I haven’t gotten all the laundry picked up and put away in the adult bedroom yet. Why is it that, that always seems to be the last place to get cleaned up? Part of the issue is that my hubby got gifted some clothes a while back and now he has more than he currently needs right now, but will need later as things wear out. But figuring out what to do with them in the meantime can be difficult. However I got a lot of it started and picked up yesterday.

I am going easier on myself this week. Not pushing so hard. Taking breaks and time to sit with cats, read my book or play games on my tablet while listening to an audio book. I need to start moving the plants out of the sun room and into other parts of the house so they can do their job of cleaning the air.

I need to find my sewing machine cord. I need to plug the printer in so I can print the update to my sweater I am knitting instructions. I need to be able to occasionally watch a video without all my kids showing up and talking over the instructor.

I need to go on a date with my hubby. I think he is organizing it this time around. Something about seeing a friend of his in a musical. Not his usual cup of tea but if he is offering to take me to a live musical I am there in a dress and a grin. We don’t have enough time or money to go to all the theater we have the ability to take part in here in Maine. It’s just not possible.

I need a few sleep in days, a few days to just be. Not sure when I am going to get those as right now I need to write and get some of my work done before my kids wake up and have all their needs. One is already up and lying on my office floor. It is officially only ten minutes after 7. Which I know for some families is late and for others, like mine, it is early.

Chase Young is the founder of The Mommy Rebellion a place for judgment-free parenting.  She’s created a place to get tips, tools and support for what it is truly like to be a mother, stories from the trenches that show you you’re not alone.  Tips that real mothers use.  Tools to give to yourself and to your parenting friends to feel more focused, have more patience and energy, and feel less tired and snappy .  
You can follow Chase here on this blog, sign up for her newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.