Fourteen years ago I was wrestling with how to nurse this newborn baby.

Now this baby is up to my nose (I’m not short, I’m 5’10”), and he hasn’t had his final growth spurt yet.

We live in New York City. He takes the subway. By himself. He knows where to exit and how to head in the right direction. I remember trying to make a note of where we lived and what were landmarks around it. I would make him lead the way home. Today, he went to an IHOB (formerly the International House of Pancakes (IHOP)) that we have actually never been to together. He knew where it was and how to get there!!

He decides how he will spend his time. He sets up time to spend with friends and they decide where and what to do. Sometimes it’s IHOB, sometimes, it’s hanging out at someone’s place (ours included) and playing Fortnight or Overwatch, sometimes it’s outside playing soccer. Yesterday he went to Uncommons and played board games with his friends!

Yes, he likes doing track and field, but he wants to lay off the USATF track meets next year while he gets used to a shift in his schedule as he does 9th grade. He no longer wants to do the long jump. And he made the JV soccer team. He knows when he starts practice, he knows where practice is, and he knows how to get there . . . By himself . . . In NYC.

I say all of this because it’s clear that I am entering a new phase of parenting. And like the rest, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know how to stay close enough to him so I’m clear about what he’s doing in his life and if he really is alright. I have a sense of all of his friends, but I’m not close enough to them to hear what they’re talking about all the time. He’s clearly texting about stuff, I just don’t completely know WHAT stuff.

I don’t want to have quizzersations. That’s no fun. But he doesn’t talk to me as much now. And then there are times where he has everything to say. At least I can stalk him with our iPhones . . . 😕

And it doesn’t mean I don’t require things of him. No more cooking while on your iPad. No more leaving your shit all over the kitchen after you cook (and he does cook!). You will write your political representatives about issues that concern you, and we will go to this March to Keep Families Together.

I think the kids will be alright.

And I think I have a lot to learn.

And I have a lot to learn about how to learn it.

Michelle Dionne Thompson, Ph.D., JD is the Founder and CEO of Michelle Dionne Thompson Coaching and Consulting, a primarily coaching business that works with women in law and academia to set and meet aligned goals sanely in the midst of insane industries. A recovering lawyer and a historian, she also teaches college and is writing her first book, Jamaica’s Accompong Maroons (1838 – 1905): Retooled Resistance for Continued Existence.